First of all hard as this is, don't beat your self up about the relapse. It happened and we can not turn back time. As much as I know this feels like a kind of cheating for you, it does for me when I relapse and my partner honestly told me she has no issues with me 'porn-ing' but that does not help stop me feeling just like you now. So you have to learn just to leave the negativity in that feeling alone. Try and emotionally separate you from the feeling. Look at it like your years of previous programming kicked it, it was a weak point, you fancied the relief it brings (and yes, do I know that as well...Yet, if I think about it, what's even the retained images, a few strokes, some pre-cum and then boom...Often even before I'm hard....) I know it's like an auto-pilot flying the plane...I know REAL FLIGHT feels better, doesn't feel so lonely, feels more directed, purposeful, seems to build something, give something...even SHARE something....I reckon if you keep your mind on Chad and then fantasise you could build him in your mind...Have a REAL person there whom you can love, touch, stroke, kiss and do all the physical stuff AS WELL as engaging your cocks! I say that as a man who is perfectly aware that he has a bi-sexual side and always has had! I think if you physically please your self to Chad's image you must grow closer. Above all else look at being with Chad as what you really desire, what really heats you up, the touch you both yearn for...Try and be together as much as you can but don't forget your studies as well! You will make it, stay blessed and strong.