Gay Christian Teen Journal
- Thread starter 14McCaCl
- Start date
I'm not gay and I don't know if this YouTube videos will help you, but for me it was helpful. I also follow Tenth Avenue North on YouTube, because they are also inspirational for me, with their music and other stuff they post.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfsltK39B5E&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YSoqx8abtQ&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2gpWpVFw-I&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=15
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcoVX7t-wJw
PS: sorry for my english, I'm dutch..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfsltK39B5E&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YSoqx8abtQ&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=9
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2gpWpVFw-I&list=PLbkcbIPlMLTNi38kow4uonDRSEGE-a0L4&index=15
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcoVX7t-wJw
PS: sorry for my english, I'm dutch..
It has been forever since I last posted and rightfully so. There is a lot to catch up on so I am just going to hit the big points.
I haven't looked at porn or even masturbated in two weeks.
I am in college now in NYC.
As of today, I am now dating Chad. We kissed today but only on the cheek because I am super nervous and I have never had a boyfriend before. We also laid on my bed under my blanket (completely clothed) and just held each other. It was the happiest, most peaceful moment of my life.
I am completely out of the closet in college and I feel liberated. It is fantastic. Also, the school I go to is extremely gay. Housing said that 80% of the guys here are gay. It is awesome.
My only concern is that because I haven't masturbated in so long, my testicles are actually hurting. For example, today when I was laying with Chad, I got aroused (obviously) but it actually hurt in my testicles. It is weird. What is that about? Will that go away soon?
I won't be posting on here unless something wonderful or terrible happens.
I haven't looked at porn or even masturbated in two weeks.
I am in college now in NYC.
As of today, I am now dating Chad. We kissed today but only on the cheek because I am super nervous and I have never had a boyfriend before. We also laid on my bed under my blanket (completely clothed) and just held each other. It was the happiest, most peaceful moment of my life.
I am completely out of the closet in college and I feel liberated. It is fantastic. Also, the school I go to is extremely gay. Housing said that 80% of the guys here are gay. It is awesome.
My only concern is that because I haven't masturbated in so long, my testicles are actually hurting. For example, today when I was laying with Chad, I got aroused (obviously) but it actually hurt in my testicles. It is weird. What is that about? Will that go away soon?
I won't be posting on here unless something wonderful or terrible happens.
DeltaFosAware
Active Member
Oh man I am SO GLAD you found that peace and closeness with Chad! Just take it slowly together and don't rush with the sex! More than just the sex and the fun, you two guys LOVE each other! Care for each other, share with each other and then the sex will be heavenly! I wish you BOTH all the best.
So happy that you've found a College with so many Gay people! What could be better for you BOTH.
Don't worry too much about the sore balls! It's most likely just a symptom of not having drained them for a while! You too will work on that soon enough! ENJOY!
So happy that you've found a College with so many Gay people! What could be better for you BOTH.
Don't worry too much about the sore balls! It's most likely just a symptom of not having drained them for a while! You too will work on that soon enough! ENJOY!
I relapsed.
I am so mad but mostly sad. I was thought this was going to be the time I did it.
I am also ashamed because I feel like I have cheated on Chad. I feel like I have been unfaithful to him and we just started dating. I don't want this addiction to ruin my relationship with him. He knows about my addiction but he doesn't really have the same moral/psychological convictions as I do about it. I don't know what to do.
I am so mad but mostly sad. I was thought this was going to be the time I did it.
I am also ashamed because I feel like I have cheated on Chad. I feel like I have been unfaithful to him and we just started dating. I don't want this addiction to ruin my relationship with him. He knows about my addiction but he doesn't really have the same moral/psychological convictions as I do about it. I don't know what to do.
DeltaFosAware
Active Member
First of all hard as this is, don't beat your self up about the relapse. It happened and we can not turn back time. As much as I know this feels like a kind of cheating for you, it does for me when I relapse and my partner honestly told me she has no issues with me 'porn-ing' but that does not help stop me feeling just like you now. So you have to learn just to leave the negativity in that feeling alone. Try and emotionally separate you from the feeling. Look at it like your years of previous programming kicked it, it was a weak point, you fancied the relief it brings (and yes, do I know that as well...Yet, if I think about it, what's even the retained images, a few strokes, some pre-cum and then boom...Often even before I'm hard....) I know it's like an auto-pilot flying the plane...I know REAL FLIGHT feels better, doesn't feel so lonely, feels more directed, purposeful, seems to build something, give something...even SHARE something....I reckon if you keep your mind on Chad and then fantasise you could build him in your mind...Have a REAL person there whom you can love, touch, stroke, kiss and do all the physical stuff AS WELL as engaging your cocks! I say that as a man who is perfectly aware that he has a bi-sexual side and always has had! I think if you physically please your self to Chad's image you must grow closer. Above all else look at being with Chad as what you really desire, what really heats you up, the touch you both yearn for...Try and be together as much as you can but don't forget your studies as well! You will make it, stay blessed and strong.
Thanks, Delta. I really appreciate your advice. The only thing is that I was taught a little differently when it comes to being with someone sexually. As I have said before, I am a gay Christian and I am totally at peace with that. As a Christian, I have always been taught as well as believe for myself that being with someone sexually in any way, shape or form is something that is meant for marriage. In my mind, that includes oral, hand jobs, or any other kind of stimulation. I don't necessarily want to jerk it to Chad's images......well actually let me rephrase that. I don't think it would be a good idea to jerk it to Chad's images because then I tie that sensation to him and my fear is that the sensation tied to the pictures would be tied to the person as well and then I wouldn't be able to stop myself when we hung out. I am already wondering how I am going to control myself because we have an interesting visiting schedule.
He doesn't live in NYC, he actually lives about an hour and a half instate. Because of this and because we are both in school, we can only see each other on the weekends. Also, and I should have told you guys this earlier, because he is 16 and technically underage I can't have him as an overnight guest in the dorms. SO, all that being said, whenever we do see each other, we are obviously going to make the best of the day that we have. We have already been talking about how we feel sick when we are away from each other. But back to the point I was trying to make initially, I don't really want us to both whip it out and tug each others' dicks (even though I kinda really sorta definitely want to) because I really want to take my first relationship slow. BUT THEN I think that we kinda have already been taking it slow because we went 5 months without touching each other.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. SEXUAL ANGST. BLAAAAHHHH
He doesn't live in NYC, he actually lives about an hour and a half instate. Because of this and because we are both in school, we can only see each other on the weekends. Also, and I should have told you guys this earlier, because he is 16 and technically underage I can't have him as an overnight guest in the dorms. SO, all that being said, whenever we do see each other, we are obviously going to make the best of the day that we have. We have already been talking about how we feel sick when we are away from each other. But back to the point I was trying to make initially, I don't really want us to both whip it out and tug each others' dicks (even though I kinda really sorta definitely want to) because I really want to take my first relationship slow. BUT THEN I think that we kinda have already been taking it slow because we went 5 months without touching each other.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS. SEXUAL ANGST. BLAAAAHHHH
DeltaFosAware
Active Member
Bless you my friend, follow your heart and act in love. I know that you want to save true sexual commitment for marriage and that you don't just want each other physically. That's an excellent basis for a relationship. It's funny but sex never really holds you close and together for a long time.
Sure it's great, it's fantastic but one way or another our bodies will all 'head South' one day and then love and commitment will be what really matters. When I was young I to just hump, hump and hump some more! As you get older you sort of mellow and that's kind of natural and nice.
Stay strong and keep loving each other.
Sure it's great, it's fantastic but one way or another our bodies will all 'head South' one day and then love and commitment will be what really matters. When I was young I to just hump, hump and hump some more! As you get older you sort of mellow and that's kind of natural and nice.
Stay strong and keep loving each other.
I can't do it.
I have still been looking at porn while dating Chad. I also got off with Chad when he was here the other day. I really regret it. It wasn't right. I have been snowballing since I broke my 2 1/2 week streak. My head hurts with so much failure in it. I want to hurt myself and I also feel like I should break up with Chad until I can actually fix my SERIOUSLY fucked up life.
I have still been looking at porn while dating Chad. I also got off with Chad when he was here the other day. I really regret it. It wasn't right. I have been snowballing since I broke my 2 1/2 week streak. My head hurts with so much failure in it. I want to hurt myself and I also feel like I should break up with Chad until I can actually fix my SERIOUSLY fucked up life.
DeltaFosAware
Active Member
I understand the feeling the need to self harm! I've felt it too when life has just been so seriously fucked up. I have certainly seriously contemplated suicide several times. My partner has tried at least once and still has the physical scars from her self harm. All I know is that the physical pain will release endorphins and they will give you a brief sense euphoria as the physical pain sets in ....
Depends on how much you actually WANT t hurt yourself but I've found looking at WHY hurt myself possibly as a way to NOT self harming or taking my own life. Actually it has also been helpful to me at least that clearly I have had the honest CHOICE to take my life or not.
Last time was when I was having my heart attack June last year. I was totally alone, in a top floor flat, no visitors planned and the chest pain, the sickness and the cramping started. I knew immediately I was having a cardiac arrest or at least a heart attack. I actually recall thinking through for several minutes 'do I call an Ambulance or must leave it and CHECK TYE FUCK OUT of this life...' Then I thought of my partner and my Sons and choose to call 999!
Don't worry that you've got off with Chad. I know you wanted to wait because of your faith but honestly, if you love each other and want to be close, that has to be just fine!
I know, even now, it's hard not to look at Gay or straight porn for me as well. To me it is not the penis or the Vagina that matters. In fact, both organs have a distinct BEAUTY and total fascination of their own! The stupid idea that one belongs only with the other has frankly appalled me some I was a kid. We are ALL sexual beings and those wonderful "definition" lines don't change that for me. I often joke that I'd be fine in Prison, I would just find myself a nice gay partner and we'd take good care of each other. The point here is really our joint need to resist the inhuman nature of porn that degrades our human souls and exploits our biological desire for the warm companionship of a others body (male or female, makes no odds to myself) for simple monetary profit! No wonder we feel guilty when we relapse because we know what we are relapsing into, the starting point all over again. However, how ever many times we restart we WILL MAKE IT...As we clear the images fro. Our inner world we'll make our own images! Why not let these images contain love, tenderness, affection, beauty and silence? Yes we'll WANT THRUSTING AND PUSHING AND STRAINING, we are MEN, we are bound too but why see pictures of this when we can make our own....For free, from real life, from stuff we have truly ENJOYED without the guilt of forbidden treasure porn?
Depends on how much you actually WANT t hurt yourself but I've found looking at WHY hurt myself possibly as a way to NOT self harming or taking my own life. Actually it has also been helpful to me at least that clearly I have had the honest CHOICE to take my life or not.
Last time was when I was having my heart attack June last year. I was totally alone, in a top floor flat, no visitors planned and the chest pain, the sickness and the cramping started. I knew immediately I was having a cardiac arrest or at least a heart attack. I actually recall thinking through for several minutes 'do I call an Ambulance or must leave it and CHECK TYE FUCK OUT of this life...' Then I thought of my partner and my Sons and choose to call 999!
Don't worry that you've got off with Chad. I know you wanted to wait because of your faith but honestly, if you love each other and want to be close, that has to be just fine!
I know, even now, it's hard not to look at Gay or straight porn for me as well. To me it is not the penis or the Vagina that matters. In fact, both organs have a distinct BEAUTY and total fascination of their own! The stupid idea that one belongs only with the other has frankly appalled me some I was a kid. We are ALL sexual beings and those wonderful "definition" lines don't change that for me. I often joke that I'd be fine in Prison, I would just find myself a nice gay partner and we'd take good care of each other. The point here is really our joint need to resist the inhuman nature of porn that degrades our human souls and exploits our biological desire for the warm companionship of a others body (male or female, makes no odds to myself) for simple monetary profit! No wonder we feel guilty when we relapse because we know what we are relapsing into, the starting point all over again. However, how ever many times we restart we WILL MAKE IT...As we clear the images fro. Our inner world we'll make our own images! Why not let these images contain love, tenderness, affection, beauty and silence? Yes we'll WANT THRUSTING AND PUSHING AND STRAINING, we are MEN, we are bound too but why see pictures of this when we can make our own....For free, from real life, from stuff we have truly ENJOYED without the guilt of forbidden treasure porn?
I am terrified.
I keep relapsing, sometimes multiple times in a day. I can't stop.
I also have PIED, I am positive. My boyfriend and I were fooling around and i couldn't stay hard. I didn't think this would happen to me. I had to ask him if I could listen to porn while he helped me finish.
The porn is interfering with my college work. If this makes me fail college, I seriously don't know how I will continue to live with myself.
Are there any techniques I haven't tried? I feel like I am running out of options.
I keep relapsing, sometimes multiple times in a day. I can't stop.
I also have PIED, I am positive. My boyfriend and I were fooling around and i couldn't stay hard. I didn't think this would happen to me. I had to ask him if I could listen to porn while he helped me finish.
The porn is interfering with my college work. If this makes me fail college, I seriously don't know how I will continue to live with myself.
Are there any techniques I haven't tried? I feel like I am running out of options.
DeltaFosAware
Active Member
Oh man I really feel for you on so many fronts. First of all let me say that Porn was a MAJOR distraction from my own education. I ended up as an English Honours Graduate with a BA Degree but how much better I could have done if I was not pulling the wire to good old fashioned dirty mags! Maybe not as addictive as the high speed internet porno on demand these days but oh yes, when ever I got stressed, rejected by women, or just emotionally low, it was porn mag, dick in hand and sperm to follow! If sperm were wall paper paste, I could have papered the average small bedroom! I'm amazed there was ever enough left to Father my two now grown up children.
My feeling is that you need to just try everything you do very slowly with your partner. Think about it logically porn makes us go 'straight for the meat and two veg!' Honestly, in particular with regards to men, even just following that thought pattern can get me erect! I'm in all honestly pretty much naturally bi-sexual but think what you really want is not just the penile power, not just that firm length but you want to love, to connect, to be touched and touch out of emotion and tenderness. I have tried to think of my own penis as a BRIDGE not a battering ram! A bridge joins, connects and allows TWO WAY TRAFFIC but it can also be means to isolate yourself from pain, if you stop all traffic at one end! Sure, your physical desire is totally natural, totally strong, full of meaning but think what do you desire most? A person or a sex object? Porn makes us love with our eyes, not our minds, our bodies and our spirits. It does not matter if those whom we behold are male or female. Sex is communication in another language. However it can be rich not isolating.
Hang on in there and God bless you BOTH!
My feeling is that you need to just try everything you do very slowly with your partner. Think about it logically porn makes us go 'straight for the meat and two veg!' Honestly, in particular with regards to men, even just following that thought pattern can get me erect! I'm in all honestly pretty much naturally bi-sexual but think what you really want is not just the penile power, not just that firm length but you want to love, to connect, to be touched and touch out of emotion and tenderness. I have tried to think of my own penis as a BRIDGE not a battering ram! A bridge joins, connects and allows TWO WAY TRAFFIC but it can also be means to isolate yourself from pain, if you stop all traffic at one end! Sure, your physical desire is totally natural, totally strong, full of meaning but think what do you desire most? A person or a sex object? Porn makes us love with our eyes, not our minds, our bodies and our spirits. It does not matter if those whom we behold are male or female. Sex is communication in another language. However it can be rich not isolating.
Hang on in there and God bless you BOTH!
It has been a while.
I have been doing longer streaks in-between relapses which is encouraging. I would like to think that Chad is helping me. I just think of him so I won't let him down.
I am a little concerned when it comes to performance issues. Chad and I had a lot of time together this weekend and when we weren't watching YouTube videos and hanging out around town, we were playing what I like to call "Bed Sports." I am able to get really hard when we make out but when we actually get down to business, I get floppy. It is very frustrating because often times, I can't get it back up and so he has to finish without me. Suggestions?
I have been doing longer streaks in-between relapses which is encouraging. I would like to think that Chad is helping me. I just think of him so I won't let him down.
I am a little concerned when it comes to performance issues. Chad and I had a lot of time together this weekend and when we weren't watching YouTube videos and hanging out around town, we were playing what I like to call "Bed Sports." I am able to get really hard when we make out but when we actually get down to business, I get floppy. It is very frustrating because often times, I can't get it back up and so he has to finish without me. Suggestions?