Hi, I believe I'm having the same problem that you are and it really scares the shit out of me how badly I think porn had affected me. I'm currently at 30 days and am still having some really strong intrusive gay thoughts. It really get overwhelmed sometimes I cam so close to relapsing today that I convinced myself that i was gay, but once I fought off the urges the feeling dissipated. I'm happy I didn't relapse but this was the strongest urge I've ever had and the fact of the matter is is that I feel like I might act on it which I really don't want to do. Anyway It seems like we are going throught the same thing having similar situations if u ever wanted to talk.
H-OCD + Gay Porn Addiction + 22 yr old black Male Virgin (long story..but read
- Thread starter Pisces21
- Start date
Hey datkid! Feel free to private message me, by the way!
A) When you say you "have urges" is it flashbacks/fantasies to porn? Or what?
B) Do you get erections to these thoughts?
Also, questions to people in general: I'm starting to wonder if I'm addicted moreso to porn or porn fantasies...I definitely feel the "rush" ( which I guess is the chamicals) but I can also somewhat produce that feeling through fantasy and flashbacks- I will get a boner. Also, I have been getting morning woods lately, am I still suffering? Let me know!
A) When you say you "have urges" is it flashbacks/fantasies to porn? Or what?
B) Do you get erections to these thoughts?
Also, questions to people in general: I'm starting to wonder if I'm addicted moreso to porn or porn fantasies...I definitely feel the "rush" ( which I guess is the chamicals) but I can also somewhat produce that feeling through fantasy and flashbacks- I will get a boner. Also, I have been getting morning woods lately, am I still suffering? Let me know!
makeItStop
Member
Pisces21 said:
Your brain doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality. That is why imagination is such a powerful tool for change. Try imaging yourself in a situation where you were recently feeling anxious/happy/sad whatever and you'll be able to bring about those feelings physically again.
Triptonicmaph
Active Member
stangles said:
Just wodnering.. How did you get those red colour numbers in ur tracker and what do they mean?
@ Pisces. Some of the flashbacks are to the chat site I used to use but more so for some time I had trouble talking to guys without picturing a penis fml. And yes the thoughts would make me aroused. It was so bad that I had a massive erection sitting with one of my best friends the other day like uncomfortable fighting this but I know if I came i would be disgusted with myself. How's your progress coming along?
Jimmymack2014
New Member
Pisces, your inner turmoil sounds very much like what I went through from my teenage years to my college years. I had girlfriends and felt love for some of them too, and from 18 onward was able to have sex BUT . . . As far back as I can remember I sensed this mysterious aspect of guys, something forbidden yet hugely attractive, and that sensation implanted in me a perverse curiosity about guys, as if they held a secret I wanted to share.
I remember having intense feelings in my teens about guys my age -- not all guys, but for some reason, certain ones. They weren't particularly good looking or charismatic, and they weren't gay either, or at least most weren't. We'd hang out in social situations and when we went to our respective homes I'd get these terrible longings to be with them. I always kept these feelings to myself. I knew even back then they were just regular guys and wouldn't have had a clue what I was getting so emotional about.
Funny thing was, I didn't think about those guys sexually. Probably because I was too inexperienced. At first it was all emotion, infatuation.
Though I continued to have girlfriends and was absolutely sincere about wanting to form a lasting relationship, I just could never make the commitment. As my 20s went on I followed through on the crushes I had on guys and this time the sexual element was there AND they responded. I knew then gat I was gay and wow! What a relief! After some pretty exciting love affairs (making up for lost time) I found the guy who made my world complete. As of 2014 we've been together more than 20 years and are now officially married. We have our ups and downs but our bond is permanent ? we're partners for life.
Whether it's with a guy or a girl, your goal should be to find true love. Sexual fantasy has very little to do with true love. You spend too much time fantasizing. Forcing yourself to fantasize about the gender that does not turn you on will just make you more miserable and confused.
Ditch the masturbation, porn, webcam and fantasies and get out there and meet some real people around your age (if that's the age you're attracted to). Find out what person, not what fantasy, gives you a hardon.
You owe it to yourself to meet some gay folks and see what the chemistry is like. But don't do it through dating websites or the party circuit. Find a volunteer group that supports a cause like helping people with AIDS, or helping out at a food bank or some other kind of cause that attracts volunteers who care about other people as much as they care about themselves,
Because that's the problem with P&M: it is a solo activity. And we weren't meant to go through life alone. If we become addicted to self-sex to the point of addiction, we leave no room in our lives for a partner to give and receive love through the act of love making.
You don't want to wake up at 50, alone and with your dick in your hand. But it could happen if you continue on as you are. If you want anything out of this life you've got to fight for it. The struggle to build a happy life requires a full-time commitment and the courage to follow your heart where it must go. If that direction turns out to be gay, don't worry. You'll be far happier with a gay partner you truly love than with a woman you can't get hard for. (And it's terribly unfair for the woman, too.)
While you're young, toss all the porn and fantasy into the trash where it belongs. It's just a sidetrack! Get out there and find that person who will complete your life, and you theirs. Then you will know the wonderful possibilities that await every day of being alive and loved.
I remember having intense feelings in my teens about guys my age -- not all guys, but for some reason, certain ones. They weren't particularly good looking or charismatic, and they weren't gay either, or at least most weren't. We'd hang out in social situations and when we went to our respective homes I'd get these terrible longings to be with them. I always kept these feelings to myself. I knew even back then they were just regular guys and wouldn't have had a clue what I was getting so emotional about.
Funny thing was, I didn't think about those guys sexually. Probably because I was too inexperienced. At first it was all emotion, infatuation.
Though I continued to have girlfriends and was absolutely sincere about wanting to form a lasting relationship, I just could never make the commitment. As my 20s went on I followed through on the crushes I had on guys and this time the sexual element was there AND they responded. I knew then gat I was gay and wow! What a relief! After some pretty exciting love affairs (making up for lost time) I found the guy who made my world complete. As of 2014 we've been together more than 20 years and are now officially married. We have our ups and downs but our bond is permanent ? we're partners for life.
Whether it's with a guy or a girl, your goal should be to find true love. Sexual fantasy has very little to do with true love. You spend too much time fantasizing. Forcing yourself to fantasize about the gender that does not turn you on will just make you more miserable and confused.
Ditch the masturbation, porn, webcam and fantasies and get out there and meet some real people around your age (if that's the age you're attracted to). Find out what person, not what fantasy, gives you a hardon.
You owe it to yourself to meet some gay folks and see what the chemistry is like. But don't do it through dating websites or the party circuit. Find a volunteer group that supports a cause like helping people with AIDS, or helping out at a food bank or some other kind of cause that attracts volunteers who care about other people as much as they care about themselves,
Because that's the problem with P&M: it is a solo activity. And we weren't meant to go through life alone. If we become addicted to self-sex to the point of addiction, we leave no room in our lives for a partner to give and receive love through the act of love making.
You don't want to wake up at 50, alone and with your dick in your hand. But it could happen if you continue on as you are. If you want anything out of this life you've got to fight for it. The struggle to build a happy life requires a full-time commitment and the courage to follow your heart where it must go. If that direction turns out to be gay, don't worry. You'll be far happier with a gay partner you truly love than with a woman you can't get hard for. (And it's terribly unfair for the woman, too.)
While you're young, toss all the porn and fantasy into the trash where it belongs. It's just a sidetrack! Get out there and find that person who will complete your life, and you theirs. Then you will know the wonderful possibilities that await every day of being alive and loved.