I had some typos in that last post, but yeah, a big thing with me is feeling left out and thinking it's so much easier for other people to interact and go with the flow with others. A lot of it is in my head, and I think deep down there's a sense that not only can I not connect with people, it's not safe to do so. Actually I know I can connect, but I keep my guard up for some reason. And I think deep down I also believe I don't deserve love, respect, success, etc. And yes, other people have their own "stuff" ... and their own way of dealing with it. I isolate while other people may cling to others or do anything to be with others, for example.
I think I have a problem
- Thread starter Detente
- Start date
Just checking in. No PMO or temptation. I think since I wrote last I've been on one more date, three on the year. Not something I want to pursue further, but the experience helps. But I'm feeling down and discouraged right now. Need to stay focused on finding a connection and feeling I'm someone worthwhile and have a lot to offer. Which I think is true, but I need to keep reminding myself of that.
Checking in with a slight blip. A day or two ago I was on a chat site that a 12-step organization I'm looking into uses for online meetings. It's a general site, so that have chat rooms for every topic I suppose. I briefly dropped into an adult one, but didn't stay.
Also, today I definitely started to feel temptation and thoughts of porn. I think it was boredom and the freedom from working away from the office.
Tomorrow I'll hit day 90 of this latest reset. I hadn't been counting before but it's nice to mark that milestone.
Also, today I definitely started to feel temptation and thoughts of porn. I think it was boredom and the freedom from working away from the office.
Tomorrow I'll hit day 90 of this latest reset. I hadn't been counting before but it's nice to mark that milestone.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Congrats on your milestone. Inspirational. Hope you're feeling good on it. And as for your blip.... you have more time served than me and than most of the people on here, so you know best how to categorize it. Enjoy your weekend!
olafthewise
Active Member
you got a brain stim problem.
find more healthy brain stimulations to do...sci/fi movies, hobbies, etc.
find more healthy brain stimulations to do...sci/fi movies, hobbies, etc.
Regretfully, I must report another relapse. I had made it to 114 days PMO free. I was making good progress on the dating front I felt, about to turn a corner in my mindset about really trying to get serious and earnest about finding someone. I still am, but this is a setback. It feels like self-sabotage, like my old, immature, selfish self wants to hold on and not let a better self emerge.
This is disappointing, but I hope it's just one step backward as I continue to take steps forward.
This is disappointing, but I hope it's just one step backward as I continue to take steps forward.
PMO free, but it's fairly easy during the week. I felt a bit temptation at the end of the day, a slow day.
The biggest test is the weekend. I exercised this morning and have plans this afternoon, but nothing planned so far for the evening. Tomorrow more plans, so I think I'm safe.
Strange that I'm already feeling temptation only a week out. I had an off week all week, not exercising or eating right, getting into work late, and slacking off. I'm aiming to correct that next week.
The biggest test is the weekend. I exercised this morning and have plans this afternoon, but nothing planned so far for the evening. Tomorrow more plans, so I think I'm safe.
Strange that I'm already feeling temptation only a week out. I had an off week all week, not exercising or eating right, getting into work late, and slacking off. I'm aiming to correct that next week.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Wonder what it is that pulls you back? Is there part of you that doesn't want the better life that you've worked so hard for? I know that a part of my brain wants me to go back my dirty old ways. Really hope you can pull through and stay strong, Detente. I agree with you about weekends being worse. Maybe when there's less structure, more opportunity, guard down? Good luck for the next few days and then maybe get a tight grip of your thinking on Friday, mate?
Workinprogress, yes, there's definitely something deep down that holds me back and doesn't want a better life. Probably some deep-seated shame or defectiveness that says I don't deserve a love life, respect, intimacy (with a partner and friends). I generally know how it developed, but it'll take work to overcome. There's also maybe resistance to being a mature man, giving up my old ways that in some sense rewards me. Also, let's face it, PMO, at least in the middle of an episode, is exciting and an escape from the day-to-day.
olafthewise
Active Member
get off the computer after cleaning any saved sites. Remain off of it for a week. Habits are hard to forget. just re-tune your brain.
find other stimulus like movies, exercise, construction stuff, etc.
find other stimulus like movies, exercise, construction stuff, etc.
olafthewise said:
This is key. Keeping busy helps. Specifically, planning ahead and getting things on the schedule. One thing that's lacking in my life I think is learning. Signing up for a class of any sort will help me get excited about something and not just muddle through week to week.
No PMO or real temptations. It's been 27 days since my last binge.