Has anyone else dealt with your partner doing "trickle down" disclosures? My partner has, for all intents and purposes, overcome his porn addiction. The problem is, rebuilding the marriage is still hard because I am still finding things out that I feel should have been disclosed way back on d-day. So, I am getting mad all over again with issues that would have probably been dealt with in all of our long, drown out, emotionally charged conversations. If feels to him like I am beating a dead horse when I just found out about the horse five minutes ago - GRRRR!!
Lastest dead horse - I found out he was having interactions with porn cam girls (private camera room porn shows, him turning on his webcam for them to jack off together, sending gifts to one as well as occasionally texting with her). Dealt with all that drama only to find out - the one he was texting with lives relatively close to us. Like - we frequent the area that she lives in. He has traveled alone to the area for business, but I don't think he spent enough time there to meet up with her. However, I HATE the fact that I could be passing this woman in the grocery store and have no idea who she is. My husband, my kids and I could be going to the local mall and there is potential for an exchange. He found out she was "close" when he sent her a gift (he swears he only knows her city/state, but not her actual address), but continued to text with her until d-day. She would send him texts when she uploaded a new video since he was such a good 'customer'. I found out because I looked at the account he used to send her a gift. He didn't come out and say, "By the way, one of those cam girls lives in X town." It wasn't until I was again playing detective (feeling there was something else he was hiding) that I nearly pissed my pants when I saw the town she lived in.
So, of course I flip my shit because it was one thing when in my head this porn women were "out there" somewhere in cyber space. But, to know that there is some potential (no matter how slight) that they could have true, real life interaction infuriates me. It also makes me angry that whenever we go to that area I am going to be looking around wondering if the person bagging my groceries, or pulling up in the car next to me, or passing by on the sidewalk might be the person my husband was jacking off too.
I so would have rather dealt with these crazy thoughts when the shit hit the fan months ago. Now I am thrust back into the land of crazy wife and any and all progress has stopped and I am back to getting ready to put all his clothes in the car and set it on fire (not literally, just emotionally).
Lastest dead horse - I found out he was having interactions with porn cam girls (private camera room porn shows, him turning on his webcam for them to jack off together, sending gifts to one as well as occasionally texting with her). Dealt with all that drama only to find out - the one he was texting with lives relatively close to us. Like - we frequent the area that she lives in. He has traveled alone to the area for business, but I don't think he spent enough time there to meet up with her. However, I HATE the fact that I could be passing this woman in the grocery store and have no idea who she is. My husband, my kids and I could be going to the local mall and there is potential for an exchange. He found out she was "close" when he sent her a gift (he swears he only knows her city/state, but not her actual address), but continued to text with her until d-day. She would send him texts when she uploaded a new video since he was such a good 'customer'. I found out because I looked at the account he used to send her a gift. He didn't come out and say, "By the way, one of those cam girls lives in X town." It wasn't until I was again playing detective (feeling there was something else he was hiding) that I nearly pissed my pants when I saw the town she lived in.
So, of course I flip my shit because it was one thing when in my head this porn women were "out there" somewhere in cyber space. But, to know that there is some potential (no matter how slight) that they could have true, real life interaction infuriates me. It also makes me angry that whenever we go to that area I am going to be looking around wondering if the person bagging my groceries, or pulling up in the car next to me, or passing by on the sidewalk might be the person my husband was jacking off too.
I so would have rather dealt with these crazy thoughts when the shit hit the fan months ago. Now I am thrust back into the land of crazy wife and any and all progress has stopped and I am back to getting ready to put all his clothes in the car and set it on fire (not literally, just emotionally).