Mark-II's journey to No-FAPdom

[Mark-II]

Hello all,

My name is Mark. I'm 28 years old, and I've joined this site to help myself and others conquer the challenges associated with over coming Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED).

It took me a while to admit that I have PIED, but now that I look in retrospect, it's very clear to me that I've had PIED at least since I was in high school (approx 16yrs old (when I got my first girlfriend. )).

At the current juncture, I have no problem getting an erection and climaxing via masturbation with the aid of porn (or fantasizing about porn).  That being said, I find that my attraction to real-life women in my day-to-day operations (even when they are very attractive) is almost non-existent.  It's as if while I cerebrally know that they are very attractive, the physical drive/libido to do something about it is not there (or it's extremely desensitized); it's almost like looking at brilliant 5 course meal and while knowing that it is expertly prepared and will taste fantastic, you have no natural genuine appetite/drive to eat it.  Yeah... Not good.  :-/  Whenever I do engage in dealings with a real-women (rarely), I usually have problems physically performing.  This is not a sexual orientation issue... I'm a pure cut-n-dry heterosexual.  As stated.... I have PIED.  :-(

I'm a very social person but at the same time am a bit of a loner.  While I wish my natural libido for women was not destroyed by porn, that's not to say that I immediately want a girlfriend; I have many enjoyable but consuming jobs/hobbies; I'm basically habitually single at this point (by choice; I'm not a bad looking guy and girls are interested).

Because of this character trait, I've attempted to justify my PIED by rationing that it suppresses my sexual drive and therefore is logically beneficial in that PMOing (Porn -> Masturbation -> Orgasm) disarms women of this mystical power they posses over heterosexual men (me and helps keep me single and not tied up into a commitment focused relationship. While this in true in some sense, I've come to the conclusion that this practice / modus-operandi is not worth it, is actually quite naive, and is negatively affecting my life in way too many ways.  In short... men were not meant to live/function this way.

In specific regard to the PIED that I'm dealing with, Unfortunately, I'm essentially dealing with some degree of ALL of the below ED issues; some much more than others. (Hat Tip "www.yourbrainonporn.com")   

-Difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner (delayed ejaculation)
-Experiencing greater sexual excitement using porn than with a partner
-Decreasing sensitivity of penis
-Ejaculating when you are only partly erect, or getting totally erect only as you climax
-Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest in sexual partner
-Earlier genres of porn are no longer "exciting"
-Declining sexual arousal with a sexual partner(s)
-Losing erection while attempting penetration
-Can't maintain erection or ejaculate with oral sex


So yeah... this won't do.  Not at all.   

So...  I'M REBOOTING!!! 

July 14th 2014 is Day 1 for me.  I plan to record my experience in this Journal.  Hopefully, logging my experiences will help keep me on track and encourage/educate others.

Wish me luck.      I know it's not going to be easy.

-Mark-II

 

 

[Mark-II]

Day 1 = Success. 

What's crazy though is that even now...  I can tell that there is a different chemical balance in my body. 

Anyone who's rebooting...  Brace yourselves; it will fuck with you and your comfortzone...    This is some real shit. 

No worries though... I'm still amp'd.  LET DO THIS!!! 

 

[Mark-II]

Day 2 = Success 

I'm not a medical expert, but I'm almost certain that the baseline amount of whatever hormones/chemicals that control my sexual energy / libido is higher than it's historically been.  It makes perfect sense as I say this out loud, but not PMO'ing (and not MO'ing at all) seems to be reserving/storing my sexual energy for actual women / sex.  I'm already looking at girls that I'm around ALL of the time VERY differently.  Because I've been PMO'ing almost daily, I can CLEARLY tell/feel the difference when I don't do it.

2 more notes:

- I don't think I've started flatlining yet (perhaps there's some latent false-libido chemicals from the PMO'ing).  I'm not having normal strong random erections nor any real-women triggered erections yet (you know... just by seeing them be hot in real life), but my guy isn't completely lifeless yet either.

- I felt violated by Facebook today.  Just scrolling through a news feed, I saw a video thumbnail of an almost completely naked woman twerking.  :-/  Yeah...  Facebook's not making the no artificial sexual stimulation goal easy.  :-/

Anyway...  I'm glad to report that I'm still on track. 

P.S.  A sexy long-time friend of my mine may show up this weekend.  Things may get interesting...  I have know idea what to expect.  ?_?  I will keep the daily updates happening.  This journaling idea is really helping me so far.

 

[coolfool]

Good luck with you sexy friend Mark!

About facebook. There's one solution that will save your rebooting and maybe sometime as well: UNFOLLOW EVERYONE. I just follow 5 or 6 people in facebook and it's awesome! I still have as many friends as I had before, but now I don't fall into the void of scrolling down like an imbecile looking for happiness. It's not there, Period.

Also, It might help you with the rapping attempts coming from Zuckerberg and friends

Cheerios!

 

[Mark-II]

Day 3 = Success

Thanks for the comments coolfool.

While I'm a techy guy, I don't really use facebook that much.  Thanks for the tip about unfollowing people; I will put that idea into motion immediately.

Pretty good day...  Unfortunately...  I think my flatlining may perhaps be starting.  My guy is seeming a bit lifeless.  Could be a false alarm, but we'll see.

Point is...  I'm still on track!!!  Going to sleep early because I woke up early and have serious food coma right now. 

 

[coolfool]

Well done! Now your facebook will be safer than the Pentagon.

Keep trying hard mate and God bless the flatlining!!!

 

[Mark-II]

Day 4 = Success. 

Despite the onset of what I suspect to be flatlining (still could be wrong about that), I can definitely feel a chemical / hormone balance shift in my body.  Hormonally, I definitely feel like a loaded weapon.  lol 

If you're rebooting but not journaling, I would highly recommend that you to start.  I have already discovered that journaling everyday gives me an opportunity to come back to the promise that I made to myself and keep things on track.  Very beneficial in my opinion.

Sleep now. 

 

[Mark-II]

Day 5 & 6 = Success. 

So.. there is a raincheck on the visit from my sexy friend.  Perhaps this is best. 

As far as updates go, I can say that I am now pretty certain that I have some significant flatlining going on.  :-/    It's ok though...  I educated and prepared myself for this.  That being said, I think I now have a better understanding of the guys who out of curiosity decide to "test" to make sure that their friend downstairs is still "working" and hasn't instead relegated itself to some manner of necro-organ.    The flatlining is a bit weird...  :-/

(The above paragraph is NOT an advocation of "testing".  This is my first attempt at truly rebooting and even I know that THAT is a bad idea.  )

At this juncture in the reboot, I feel in control right now and am not overly concerned with relapsing.  We'll see how long this feeling lasts.    Entering the Week+ territory...  I've heard that this is where things can get serious.  :-/

 

[Mark-II]

Day 7  = Success.

I'm going to try to balance two desires: 1) making an effort to shorten some of these daily updates up just in case a new rebooter wants to get an idea of what I went through without having to read a novel and 2) having these updates contain enough substance that they are education, historical, and perhaps even humorous and enlightening. 

I'm not much of a writer, but I'll try. 

Significant update for the day?  FLATLINING IS SO WEIRD!!! You MUST mentally prepare yourself to deal with this (the flatlining of course).

Compared to my previous state, it's almost as if I have a negative erection.      I almost feel that some type of negative blood pressure has to be in play for my guy to be this out of it.  LOL.  I am a well above average guy in regard to size, but you wouldn't be able to tell that by my current state.  :-/

All I can say is don't freak out if your rest state is significantly less impressive than usual.   

 

[Mark-II]

Day 8 = Success. 

Today was probably the most difficult day so far. 

It should be said that at this juncture, my tactic is no P... no M... and no O.  From what I read, this is the best way to reboot.

I think the flatlining has been helping me deal with not PMOing.  Perhaps somewhat oddly however (not enough experience with rebooting to know), today was NOT a completely flatlined day.  As I slept, as I awoke this morning, and a least a few times today, there were significant involuntary erections down stairs.  Definitely strong enough to warrant attention.  !_!   

Here's my guess on what's going on...

Even though I'm only 8 days in, I think that because I've basically been PMOing everyday for quite some time and my body/mind is probably VERY used to creating / managing a certain amount of hormones/chemicals, my body (my mind) may be overly sensitive to such levels of said hormones and chemicals. I can't remember the last time I went over a week so this reboot is basically entering very rare / practically new territory.

When I think about it...  I honestly have a difficult time rating my sex drive (never really tried.  ). If I wanted to, I could PMO several times everyday with no problem and with strong erections. That being said,  I think sex drive may be better gauged when you're not having orgasms; you know... I kinda of think about it as your desire to have orgasms when you're not having orgasms ( if think that makes sense ?_? ). 

If that's the definition, I would say that I have a strong to very strong sex drive.  That being said, PMOing almost everyday I think in a way suppresses it or at least keeps it under control AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I haven't had many extremely hard to control sexual urges; the desire to release was always being regularly managed to some degree.  Whatever the case, my point is that real talk, today without any noticeable external stimulation, I could literally feel / sense the sexual desire for release in my veins; super strong stuff.  :-/ 

Don't get me wrong...  I loved the feeling.  It was very enjoyable.    I guess after 5 days of flatline or so, today's event's were just a surprise. Again, no real conscious external stimulation.  Just seemingly involuntary; I'm reading about SQL Server stuff at work and then BOOM!...  My attention is drawn downward.  lol 

So yeah... new territory I think.  Anyway... sleep now.  Pushing forward.     

 

[Promise]

I don't know exactly what goes on inside chemically when we reboot, but I'd imagine our hormones are going wild after breaking such an ingrained habit.  Also with regards to your sex drive I don't think PMO really counts, as it's a superstimulus which overrides our natural sex drive.  Enjoy the new-found energy and keep up with the reboot, buddy!  Sounds like you know your stuff and you're doing well

 

[Mark-II]

Day 9 & 10 = Hard Earned Success. 

These days were difficult... 

I would describe my current state as a mix of mostly flatline and infrequent (but VERY strong) erections.

These strong erections are what made these days difficult.  I'm trying to stay away from triggers in my writing but for the sake of journaling I have to say that these were throbbingly strong erections; you know.. the ones that are super strong from the base on up (I know some of you know what I'm talking about).  Some of these were random and involuntary from my perspective, and others were triggered by real-life interaction with women (seeing them, thinking about them (in a healthy non PMO way), and some light flirting / sexual suggestions.

I made it through, but I once again could for a time feel the strong desire to release in my veins; I had to mentally fight the urges I was feeling. I'm 10 days in right now... Once I hit 2 weeks...  I going to go ahead and call that a record since I started PMO'ing.  New territory for sure.

The last thing I will say is that I believe my behavior is changing a bit.  I mentioned flirting before.  Well, I don't really flirt.  I'm kind and hold good conversation, but I don't really consciously make an effort.  Well, today, to two women that I know are interested in me but to whom I've given the cold shoulder, I made comments to them today that I KNOW constituted "flirting"; I said these things even though I knew how they would come across.  This isn't earthshattering perhaps, but in retrospect, I don't think I would have done that pre-reboot-mode.  My deep analysis is that I actually think that at some level, I now realize that in this reboot / non-PMO state, I can 1) become sexual excited simply by flirting and 2) (perhaps even more profound) have relegated myself to only share orgasms with real-life partners (this second part would be great if my mind has already accepted that).  Furthermore on the flirting point, because I enjoy the feeling of being sexually excited, I think I'm now more prone to flirting than I was before pre-reboot mode. 

I know...  Psycho-babble.  LOL.  If you're a deep analysis type of person, feel free to take a swing at this. 

Pushing forward. 

 

[Mark-II]

Day 11 & 12:  Success. 

Not to much report...  I can say that while I still feel that I'm in a general flatline mode of sorts, my erections when they happen are super strong and cause significant PMO temptation.

That being said, I like the way this is going. 12 days in, I feel as if my brain is starting to give up hope that PMO as a norm is going to return, and thus, is starting to make adjustments and rewire itself.  In general, I'm much more sensitive to my interactions with surrounding women.

PMOing to abate erections that occur while sleeping is very tempting, but so far, I'm holding strong.  Pushing forward.

 

[Promise]

Great job buddy!  I know those temptations have been tricky, but sounds like you know how to shut them down

 

[Mark-II]

Day 13 = Success. 

I'm approaching the 2 week mark and I'm REALLY starting to feel the pressure now.  LOL 

I think the stretch that I'm going through right now is where champions are made.  Because I've been PMOing almost daily for years, now that i'm not PMOing at all, at this early juncture, I can clearly feel the difference in my body/brain (and that difference is not comfortable).

My body/brain clearly remembers what PMO is like and is trying it hardest to pull me back into the abyss, but I won't let it....  Not today.

I'm all but certain that 2 weeks will be a no PMOing record since I started PMOing.  Looking forward to tasting that victory tomorrow. 

Pushing forward.

 

[skrodriguez]

Two weeks was my big milestone as well. It was a personal one, and it happened before I joined this forum, but beforehand it had been in the vicinity of 10 days numerous times. One was then 13 days but fiddling.

Before that I hadn't done two weeks without for over 9 years (I'm talking about masturbation), when for some reason I did 41 days, or around that number I can't remember. But even that may have still be reading some erotica and maybe even edging. So it's new territory, I get it.

 

[Mark-II]

Day 14 = Success!!!

TWO WEEKS!!!

Two weeks of no P, M, or O in any combination; solely or jointly.  Huge hurdle crossed. 

(As far as specific reboot body/brain updates; I'm in a bit of a flatline right now.  Probably a good thing)

Pushing forward.

 

[Promise]

Grats Mark

 

[Mark-II]

Day 15 & 16 = Success

Thanks for the kudos Promise.  Positive reinforcement is always welcome. 

My flatline seems to becoming less "flat".  I believe I'm starting to become more sensitive to my sexual surroundings.  It's slow and subtle but real.  I hope this trend continues.

I believe most of my temptation comes in the night time hours.  In retrospect, I also used PMO as somewhat of a sleeping pill.  I think the reason I had such a strong pattern before the reboot is that for a significant period of time, I would basically PMO as daily routine to ease myself into slumber.  Sometimes I still want to at least MO to induce myself into sleeping (this really was a habit), but so far.... I've managed to refrain. 

Still doing well although the pressure is building slowly / surely as my flatline starts to unflatten itself. 

Pushing forward. 

 

[Mark-II]

Day 17 = Success. 

For the record, this is 17 days of no PMO, no MO, as well as no O at all!!! (Previously close to unimaginable for me...)

As for updates, as expected, alcohol heightens my temptation to PMO ( pretty tipsy right now ).  So...  it's probably good advice to reserve one's alcohol use while rebooting.  I'm just a reboot newbie, but that's my 2 cents.

Today, there were at least 3 instances were I truly "noticed" other attractive women around me.  I think pre-reboot I also noticed them, but pre-reboot, as I stated in my pre-amble, it was almost just at the cerebral level; I had almost zero-genuine natural physical desire to do anything about it (PMO destroyed my natural libido).  I can tell I'm starting to recover from this aspect of PIED.  That's very encouraging.

Pushing forward.