Day 54 through 60 = Success!
I have several thoughts to share at this point:
1) I think at this point in the reboot, I'm going to start making less frequent updates on this blog. I enjoy recording my thoughts, but I believe making so many frequent updates at this point makes it too easy to "count the days". 60 days is a huge accomplishment for me. From here on out however, I'm less concerned with number of days and more concerned about trying to ingrain this new behavior into my new lifestyle. Am I going to be counting days @ day 102, or 147, or 208? I don't think so. So... I'm not counting days any longer in an attempt to try to merge into that non-counting days world. I'll still post, but less often and generally when I have something to say. If I ever truly sign off I'll say so.
*Don't get me wrong... this isn't a bash on the counters. I think they are a great idea and helped me a lot. For me however, I think their primary use is early on in the reboot to keep you amped, focused, and to provide a sense of accomplishment. Do whatever works for you.*
2) I don't think think I'm fully rebooted, but I think that if there was such a thing as a "Phase 1", I think I may have just completed it. If there was a "Phase 1", I would define it as Phase 1: The Reboot:
- breaking the PMO \ MO habit
- fighting through some flatining
- forgetting what it feels like to touch yourself in a sexual way
- body\brain becomes extremely doubtful that the PMO will return
- body\brain starts reacting\rewiring because of this doubt and the brain starts steering you down alternative routes for release (i.e. noticing and reacting to attractive females in your vicinity)
- strong need for release is present more often
- sensitivity down below is returned\enhanced to the point where a women with even a fair sexual skillset and a smidgen of effort will be able to get you off with out worry.
The good news is that I have gone through and accomplished the above. That's where I'm at right now.
(See my first post to see what a mess I was in when I started. lol ) I could honestly just cheer for days for just getting to this point (when I REALLY think about it, I do cheer a bit.
). All of that being said, I think to really take this reboot to the next level and finish this thing out, I have to enter and complete what I'm calling... wait for it... Phase 2: The Rewire:
- Continue to even try harder to avoid all "false" sexual stimulation
- Strive to have all of your sexual encounters with women be coupled with a strong emotional \ personal attraction to them and only them.
- Forget what it's like to rely on PMO or MO for releases and learn to not consider going back to that an option.... ever.
At this point in the reboot, I have not PMO'd or MO'd for 60 days. In the past 20 days or so however, I have had a significant amount of sexual encounters; all of whom went pretty well. Mostly the oral variety, but there was a bit of the full-on stuff as well. Pre-reboot, this would have not occurred because 1) PMOing significantly subdued my libido and I had a more cerebral attraction to real women rather than a physical one, and 2) I experienced pretty significant PIED so the performance aspects of things wouldn't have lined up. So self-high five for all of that... cheers indeed.
As great as these sexual experiences were however (and some where truly great), I don't think they are the pinnacle for me. I'm not a super lovey-dovey person... not at all.... but even I believe that sexual encounters are the most special and most intense when you share those experiences with a person that you have a very strong emotional and personal bond with. My experiences in this reboot where with cool down to earth girls, but I would not say that I shared this type of strong emotional\personal bond with them. 60 days in... I'm now willing to concede a conclusion that I was initially very reluctant to accept... If I'm serious about rebooting (and more precisely this rewire stage), I'm going to have to break my habit of singleness and get a girlfriend.
I've had two significant relationships in my past, and while both went well and I don't feel emotionally scarred or anything like that, I've entered into a very habitual single life. Partly because of my personality, my work, moving, PMO'ing, etc.. too many things to list. The point is... I think sex really should be a special thing shared by people who are special to each other. While I have friends and a pretty good social life, I do not have that "special someone" in my life. To really put a nail in this reboot\rewire... I think I need to find "that special someone" (or at least "a special someone"). Forgive my french, but you guys knowwhat I mean... less "fucking" and more kissing \ holding \ cuddling \ embracing \ intimacy \ four play \ love-making etc. (P.S. Trust me... I know it when I said it... Disney shit. lol
)
So yeah.... that's where I am with this.
Wordy, I know... but I had a lot to say.
This reboot has changed me. Not only have my physical encounters with women changed (for the better), my behavior and thoughts towards women (and other things) have changed as well. Wow... some serious shit right there. !_!
Anyways... Pushing forward.