X
xyz
Guest
Hey Beingpure, sounds like you're still doing well, I agree that these forums are such a good way to stay accountable - stay strong!
Getting my life back
- Thread starter Beingpure
- Start date
Thanks XYZ,
So had a tough call to make last week, looks like the startup I'm involved in isn't going to work out for me..I had a pretty good chat with my partner about it. One which I was avoiding and also wanted to control, but turned out to be an honest conversation.with lots to learn for both of us.
I'll come back and share more on this later.
I'm on day 3 cleAn now,feeling good at the moment, but also quite urgently need to find work so know that anxiety may kick in at any moment. I've added the filter to my phone now and set it up correctly so hopefully that will provide enough of a deterrent to help me stay clear.
Have a good weekend and start Are in guys.
So had a tough call to make last week, looks like the startup I'm involved in isn't going to work out for me..I had a pretty good chat with my partner about it. One which I was avoiding and also wanted to control, but turned out to be an honest conversation.with lots to learn for both of us.
I'll come back and share more on this later.
I'm on day 3 cleAn now,feeling good at the moment, but also quite urgently need to find work so know that anxiety may kick in at any moment. I've added the filter to my phone now and set it up correctly so hopefully that will provide enough of a deterrent to help me stay clear.
Have a good weekend and start Are in guys.
Ok so I seem to have fallen off the bandwagon for quite some.time but I guess the fact I'm.back here means I haven't given up.
Indeed I haven't, I will win, I am strong and I can beat this. For my wife, for my family and for my own well being.
Today is a beautiful day and definitely a great day to start at day 1. So here goes.
Indeed I haven't, I will win, I am strong and I can beat this. For my wife, for my family and for my own well being.
Today is a beautiful day and definitely a great day to start at day 1. So here goes.
wow, its been a long time since I was here, and Ive had some ups and downs and actually looking back, realize that some things have changed and others have not.
I have gone through periods of upto 100 days free, and felt wonderful and have also just fallen back into old bad habits - as of today 25 Feb 2021, I am currently on a 4 day streak, and reflecting back on the past week, here are my thoughts:
Day 1: i woke up in the morning and watched a tiktok (one that I have been watching over and over again, and ended up masturbating, and feeling really low about it, I try do daily (religious) learning and just found that I could not focus, and felt so unclear, and decided there and then to do a gratitude diary which really "Woke me up" and literally decided that Ive had enough of this.
I've been feeling tired and sluggish, have not been eating well, have been watching crap and masturbating (sometimes once sometimes 3 times a day) the day went OK, and managed to get through the rest of the day well.
Day 2: No real urges to look at anything in particular, also did a short gratitude journal, but less focused than day 1.
Had a strange feeling during the day... I was having a conversation with someone and was trying to think of someone's name(that I should have known quite easily, though havent seen or connected with him in months, and couldn't not directly come up with his name - I had to "scan" my memory for association and then came to it, which has never really happened to me before - so a little worrying. The rest of the day went alright, though just experienced quite a lot of brain fog, and on one occasion was sitting talking to my son, and literally could not register what he was saying to me - I had to stop and force myself to concentrate as if the lights were on but no one was home - really got quite scared about that.
Day 3: started off OK, feeling a little anxious and couldn't quite describe about what exactly? the day went OK, no real urges or any desire to act out, but around 2PM started getting a real bad headache - my wife is pregnant and it was our first gynea visit to the new doctor - (long story) I had a client with an issue at the appointment so was a little distracted and stressed because they were whatsapping me, but said I was unavalable and would assist afterwards. Also had another one of those moments, where I couldn't find a word I was looking for, and need to really focus on some type of association - so will play close attention to that - I am concerned that it could be something serious- but also know that it might be a side effect of masturbation and maybe coming down - even though only 3 days.
Oh and I have this hypnotherapy on stopping porn that I listen to - I listened on Day 1 and Day, but missed day 3 - so should get back to it for day 4 tonight!
The headache got worse, so took paracetamol.
Today is day 4: so far so good - its a fast day, so woke up early to eat something and have a decaf coffee - also trying to cut out regular coffee as much as possible and see how that goes - haven't really decided on how long, but maybe for the next 2 weeks.
right now just before 8:06am and about to head to work, feeling OK, a little sluggish, but otherwise OK - I may not fast if I have a headache later, but will pop in later to update on how my day has gone.
I have gone through periods of upto 100 days free, and felt wonderful and have also just fallen back into old bad habits - as of today 25 Feb 2021, I am currently on a 4 day streak, and reflecting back on the past week, here are my thoughts:
Day 1: i woke up in the morning and watched a tiktok (one that I have been watching over and over again, and ended up masturbating, and feeling really low about it, I try do daily (religious) learning and just found that I could not focus, and felt so unclear, and decided there and then to do a gratitude diary which really "Woke me up" and literally decided that Ive had enough of this.
I've been feeling tired and sluggish, have not been eating well, have been watching crap and masturbating (sometimes once sometimes 3 times a day) the day went OK, and managed to get through the rest of the day well.
Day 2: No real urges to look at anything in particular, also did a short gratitude journal, but less focused than day 1.
Had a strange feeling during the day... I was having a conversation with someone and was trying to think of someone's name(that I should have known quite easily, though havent seen or connected with him in months, and couldn't not directly come up with his name - I had to "scan" my memory for association and then came to it, which has never really happened to me before - so a little worrying. The rest of the day went alright, though just experienced quite a lot of brain fog, and on one occasion was sitting talking to my son, and literally could not register what he was saying to me - I had to stop and force myself to concentrate as if the lights were on but no one was home - really got quite scared about that.
Day 3: started off OK, feeling a little anxious and couldn't quite describe about what exactly? the day went OK, no real urges or any desire to act out, but around 2PM started getting a real bad headache - my wife is pregnant and it was our first gynea visit to the new doctor - (long story) I had a client with an issue at the appointment so was a little distracted and stressed because they were whatsapping me, but said I was unavalable and would assist afterwards. Also had another one of those moments, where I couldn't find a word I was looking for, and need to really focus on some type of association - so will play close attention to that - I am concerned that it could be something serious- but also know that it might be a side effect of masturbation and maybe coming down - even though only 3 days.
Oh and I have this hypnotherapy on stopping porn that I listen to - I listened on Day 1 and Day, but missed day 3 - so should get back to it for day 4 tonight!
The headache got worse, so took paracetamol.
Today is day 4: so far so good - its a fast day, so woke up early to eat something and have a decaf coffee - also trying to cut out regular coffee as much as possible and see how that goes - haven't really decided on how long, but maybe for the next 2 weeks.
right now just before 8:06am and about to head to work, feeling OK, a little sluggish, but otherwise OK - I may not fast if I have a headache later, but will pop in later to update on how my day has gone.
Popping in again to journal the rest of my day and some thoughts.
So still feeling a little flat - more emotionally and physically than anything else, and the headache continues though ended up breaking my fast for a coffee break, which helped settle the headache.
Just saw a clip explaining how the mind will trick you into focusing on the "slip up" and in actuality essentially brings down the house - because that's where your focus is - its important to recognize our humanity, and aim to move forward quickly and swiftly.
So still feeling a little flat - more emotionally and physically than anything else, and the headache continues though ended up breaking my fast for a coffee break, which helped settle the headache.
Just saw a clip explaining how the mind will trick you into focusing on the "slip up" and in actuality essentially brings down the house - because that's where your focus is - its important to recognize our humanity, and aim to move forward quickly and swiftly.
very quick check in Day: 5 here
All seems to be going well, no crazy urges, still been feeling kinda tired but not really as sluggish as before.
Also find it a little easier to get things done - and starting to feel a little more confident at work.
Had a little revelation this morning during my prayers - I actually just for a few moments, envisioned a golden glow encapsulating my body and bringing holiness to my body and my surroundings almost like something encompassing me from the outside in.....its a technique that I have picked during a hypnotherapy course that I did and works on strong language and visualisation.
That's all for today - purim and ever shabbat.
All seems to be going well, no crazy urges, still been feeling kinda tired but not really as sluggish as before.
Also find it a little easier to get things done - and starting to feel a little more confident at work.
Had a little revelation this morning during my prayers - I actually just for a few moments, envisioned a golden glow encapsulating my body and bringing holiness to my body and my surroundings almost like something encompassing me from the outside in.....its a technique that I have picked during a hypnotherapy course that I did and works on strong language and visualisation.
That's all for today - purim and ever shabbat.
Today is day 7:
reflections from day 6:
Still going strong - it was actually the sabath, so often a little easier for me.
My wife made a comment that I am more present than I have been in a long time which is good to note - actually feels like coming back to "normal" though very much aware that I need to find good coping mechanisms for when that urge hits....
Like someone I saw posted on another group - stress hits, we have fights, we get emotional, things don't go as planned and then, that voice in the back of the head says, you need this - and need to find a good way to respond in that moment, because its sneaky like that.
Today no headache and feeling a little more clear and focused, so enjoying and focusing on the benefits of the way that I feel so can keep the momentum going.
reflections from day 6:
Still going strong - it was actually the sabath, so often a little easier for me.
My wife made a comment that I am more present than I have been in a long time which is good to note - actually feels like coming back to "normal" though very much aware that I need to find good coping mechanisms for when that urge hits....
Like someone I saw posted on another group - stress hits, we have fights, we get emotional, things don't go as planned and then, that voice in the back of the head says, you need this - and need to find a good way to respond in that moment, because its sneaky like that.
Today no headache and feeling a little more clear and focused, so enjoying and focusing on the benefits of the way that I feel so can keep the momentum going.
Today is day 8!
I'm really starting to feel more normalised - which from what I have read is a little early, though take it one step at a time, or maybe even what I am feeling is still far from normal - but relative to the way I have felt, much better - either way I'm really feeling good about myself, and starting ti find it easier to take action for the way I want my life to be.
I am feeling more energetic already, and not that constant fatigue. Still had way too much coffee yesterday, but have got some decaf for work and started my day this morning with a glass of water and a drop of passion which I think is better than loading with caffeine.
I have started to realsie that I need to be more selective to the clients that I take on, and say NO to those that are not really in my best interest, which is something I have known for a long time, not sure why that's come up now.
Also feeling way less brain fog, and feeling more structured. I haven't worked out in ages, but yesterday, just did 20 push ups and 20 squats and wanting to build exercise into my routine again - actually have the motivation to do it.
Yesterday, I started adding a small amount of time to my religious learning ( but time was against me, so have tried to bring that into my day each day now) its in my diary.
I was watching a movie and there was provocative scene, which I knew usually would have been a trigger for me, but managed to catch myself - maybe just more aware, as well as a conversation that I was having with a friend, that could have led me down a slippery path, but again was able to catch myself before I started.
I had more fun with my kids after supper, and actually enjoyed connecting with them - partly feel sad, because I feel like I have missed out on so much of my time with them, they are still young (6 and 8) but its great to be able to really connect with them, without this 'nagging" to go watch P.
I feel like its time to ramp up on my skills and work, and that I have managed to get a good stable routine, if I can focus in and move things with the right clients along, things will pick up in a BIG way.
That's all for today!
I'm really starting to feel more normalised - which from what I have read is a little early, though take it one step at a time, or maybe even what I am feeling is still far from normal - but relative to the way I have felt, much better - either way I'm really feeling good about myself, and starting ti find it easier to take action for the way I want my life to be.
I am feeling more energetic already, and not that constant fatigue. Still had way too much coffee yesterday, but have got some decaf for work and started my day this morning with a glass of water and a drop of passion which I think is better than loading with caffeine.
I have started to realsie that I need to be more selective to the clients that I take on, and say NO to those that are not really in my best interest, which is something I have known for a long time, not sure why that's come up now.
Also feeling way less brain fog, and feeling more structured. I haven't worked out in ages, but yesterday, just did 20 push ups and 20 squats and wanting to build exercise into my routine again - actually have the motivation to do it.
Yesterday, I started adding a small amount of time to my religious learning ( but time was against me, so have tried to bring that into my day each day now) its in my diary.
I was watching a movie and there was provocative scene, which I knew usually would have been a trigger for me, but managed to catch myself - maybe just more aware, as well as a conversation that I was having with a friend, that could have led me down a slippery path, but again was able to catch myself before I started.
I had more fun with my kids after supper, and actually enjoyed connecting with them - partly feel sad, because I feel like I have missed out on so much of my time with them, they are still young (6 and 8) but its great to be able to really connect with them, without this 'nagging" to go watch P.
I feel like its time to ramp up on my skills and work, and that I have managed to get a good stable routine, if I can focus in and move things with the right clients along, things will pick up in a BIG way.
That's all for today!
imsorrynotsorry
Active Member
Hello Beingpure,
For me exercises was a key to let go of the urges, because exercise is decreasing stress/anxiety, etc. Hang on to that, it's a good thing. You will feel like you have control over your body back, which is quite motivating at times. Also it helps your self confidence, to know that you can do push ups, squats, etc.
In the beginning it's important to transform the new energy in positive things. There are plenty of them waiting for you, like you already said. You must not change everything at once. I think it's better to implement small but sustainable changes to your life and daily routine.
Also, after 14-30 days the hard urges will go away. If there are any.
All the best
Imsor
For me exercises was a key to let go of the urges, because exercise is decreasing stress/anxiety, etc. Hang on to that, it's a good thing. You will feel like you have control over your body back, which is quite motivating at times. Also it helps your self confidence, to know that you can do push ups, squats, etc.
In the beginning it's important to transform the new energy in positive things. There are plenty of them waiting for you, like you already said. You must not change everything at once. I think it's better to implement small but sustainable changes to your life and daily routine.
Also, after 14-30 days the hard urges will go away. If there are any.
All the best
Imsor