Today is day 31 of my reboot. I have had some brain fog but none lately. I have been waking up in mornings with a woodie, sometimes I'm surprised of how hard and big it really is lol. I am married and hoping to share that with her soon, when ever she is ready. I have been very cautious of my triggers and I think I been doing very well. When i see women on tv I still get the urge and thoughts of how I would like to be on them, I also still get those feelings from regular woman I see in public at stores or on the streets walking, the weather is getting nicer outside and the women are wearing sexier clothing out now, so lots of skirts and tight pants which is getting hard for me to resist looking. I can't help but to look, I guess it's better then going back to porn and jerking off to what I just seen, but it's hard sometimes and I am just trying my best to hang in there. I'm hoping that this will help me by talking about it here. I am new to journaling so I hope it helps.
Day 31
- Thread starter Whynot
- Start date
I find that it helps me, in the street to just have a quick look (rather than ogle and slip into fantasy) and if I can catch a glace of there faces perhaps, i hold that image in my mind, helping me to acknowledge that they are a person (with a personality, interests, loves, troubles, etc) and thus not just an object of sexual desire. Then I don't feel so caught up in the craving for sex (which would lead to a craving for Pmo). Catch and Release one bloke called it. Acknowleding the natural tendency to admire (and desire) but holding it lightly (not getting caught up in it). I geuss its Mindfulness.
I hope that helps, too. Writing about it is good.
I hope that helps, too. Writing about it is good.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
"catch and release" is a good way of putting it. I've had so much advice on this from so many people. When I was doing 12-step stuff, one of the guys used the phrase" the first look's on God". I'm not religious, but it still works in a similar way to catch and release. Your eyes are going to see things that your brain sparks on... but train yourself not to dwell on them... see it and just let them go. It;s when we dwell on the image and go back to it again that we can put ourselves under pressure. Another thing that a therapist advised me was to avoid "scanning" environments. When i was acting out, i could arrive in an airport terminal or railway concourse and pick out the "gems" in a nanosecond, because my eyes and brain were always scanning the environment for excitement. So nowadays I try to keep my head down and avoid searching my surroundings for distractions. Really helps me.
Good luck to you!
Good luck to you!
Hey, Papa. 38 days, well done!
Like 40 said, some folks move on in no time. Others get it bad. Might be anxiety, sleep troubles, depression, loss of libido, all sorts... they tend to be intermittent, though, and of course, temporary. Its not unusual for fellas to take a good six months to begin getting a good indication what recovered life is like. The good news is that 'positive' symptoms are also common: more energy, mental clarity, healthier sex drive, etc. It's not generally linear... may be all of the above, a mixed bag or none at all at various times, everyone is different, it seems.
Maybe have a sniff around on here and at YBOP, there's articles about it.
Just make sure yr looking after yourself (excersise, diet, stimulating mental activity). And if you have any history of mental illness (like I do) just make sure you have plenty of support (I've had a really hard time and that only kicked in around the 100 day mark). I must be in the 160's by now (I've temporarily lost count) and still outa sorts.
Still, not an iota of regret: best thing I've done in ages to get that shit outa my life.
Good best of luck, man. Yr doin' great.
Like 40 said, some folks move on in no time. Others get it bad. Might be anxiety, sleep troubles, depression, loss of libido, all sorts... they tend to be intermittent, though, and of course, temporary. Its not unusual for fellas to take a good six months to begin getting a good indication what recovered life is like. The good news is that 'positive' symptoms are also common: more energy, mental clarity, healthier sex drive, etc. It's not generally linear... may be all of the above, a mixed bag or none at all at various times, everyone is different, it seems.
Maybe have a sniff around on here and at YBOP, there's articles about it.
Just make sure yr looking after yourself (excersise, diet, stimulating mental activity). And if you have any history of mental illness (like I do) just make sure you have plenty of support (I've had a really hard time and that only kicked in around the 100 day mark). I must be in the 160's by now (I've temporarily lost count) and still outa sorts.
Still, not an iota of regret: best thing I've done in ages to get that shit outa my life.
Good best of luck, man. Yr doin' great.
papa said:
If you get addicted to something, anything really, you will eventually have cognition problems. Thankfully those go away once your brain resets, even if it takes a long time! I had all of the poor cognition symptoms while I was an 'active' addict and they became even worse early on in recovery...now I still have them, but they're getting better and better each month.
Also, I went through an acute phase of withdrawal, which for me involved migraine headaches and insomnia...that resolved itself within the first 150 days or so. I've relapsed several times and have had to go through acute withdrawal at least 5 times over the last 5 years...don't be like me
Remember there is acute withdrawal and then there's PAW (post acute withdrawals)...which for most of us entailed -- feeling brain dead, inability to handle stress, irritability, depression, anxiety, fatigue, lack of motivation.
These symptoms can often lead to a user wanting to use. You may even become really horny, but you're really not, it's just the addiction. Hope that helps.
workinprogressUK
Well-Known Member
Urgh! Withdrawal.... grinding my teeth, shivering with cold at the same time as sweating buckets, throbbing pain behind my eyes, filthy temper, paranoia, selfishness, ignoring my personal administration.... I'm glad to be through the worst of that. No wish to go back there. If you;ve not experienced them, papa, I'm glad for you.
I guess I have been having those types of withdrawals, I just like to know what to expect but I guess everyone is different. I'm still having hard times when I see women in public, I workout 3-4 times a week and when I see women working out with me I can't help to look, I try to not look but it's so hard, I'm sure this is not good for the reboot. Sometimes I when I do laundry I smell my wife's dirty panties, I wonder if this is no good for the reboot? I'm just so horny and I know I wouldn't be able to have sex even if I tried. It's so fucked up.
This is day 42
This is day 42
papa said:
Just have a glance, maybe, then refocus on yr excersise? I find that allowing myself to have a look and giving myself the CHOICE of how to respond liberates me from the tyranny of judgement. Breathe, and let it go.
Good best of luck, Brother. 42 days! Yr doin' great. It's a long hard road but totally worth it. What choice do we have?
None.
It's so hard to just have a glance, we do these class workouts where there are 20 to 30 people in group, it is about 45 minutes long and it's so hard just to have a glance when you spend so much time with these people. It's crazy like someone said earlier but whenever I go to these classes my mind scoops out all the women to see which is the hottest and then I keep my eye on her, I have to stop this
You can do it, man. Every time you notice yrself, just refocus yr attention. It's kind of like exercise: the more we practice, the better we get. Just allow it to 'be' (don't give y'self a hard time, whatever you do) and let it go. And let it go, again. And again. And again. It'll take time and will never cease completely it's more or less natural, after all... in principle, anyhow. It's not natural (or healthy) when it's obsessive, though. Have you ever looked at Mindfulness training? It can be veeeeery useful for these kind of problems (urges, compulsions, etc.).
Posi-vibes to ya, Bro.
Posi-vibes to ya, Bro.
Oh! Despite the simplicity of the concept, its more complicated than I can explain myself.
Some google searches likely to yeild favourably include:
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (sometimes simply ACT).
Dr. Russ Harris (who I beleive developed ACT)
"Mindfulness for addiction" or "for impulse control"
Um, um... let me know how you go.
If you have a smartphone there are also apps to help one learn about and practice Mindfulness techniques.
Some google searches likely to yeild favourably include:
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (sometimes simply ACT).
Dr. Russ Harris (who I beleive developed ACT)
"Mindfulness for addiction" or "for impulse control"
Um, um... let me know how you go.
If you have a smartphone there are also apps to help one learn about and practice Mindfulness techniques.
