Just changing a bad habit
- Thread starter Max3
- Start date
Day 10
Everything ok. I had some flashbacks but they passed away after some seconds.
Today I realized something important: something inside me has changed indeed until know I was acting like "I know porn exist, it is an option, but I'm resisting"... now I am more like "porn is not a component of my life anymore, I don't relate to it" and I really feel it.
Everything ok. I had some flashbacks but they passed away after some seconds.
Today I realized something important: something inside me has changed indeed until know I was acting like "I know porn exist, it is an option, but I'm resisting"... now I am more like "porn is not a component of my life anymore, I don't relate to it" and I really feel it.
Day 14
Since last time I post everything went ok. Last night I had two pleasant dreams about me in a relationship (I want to have a girlfriend but I can't because I will move to another country from September to February and I want to be single when I will go away), and I had my first wet dream
it was about a girl I knew in high school.
Obv. no P.
Since last time I post everything went ok. Last night I had two pleasant dreams about me in a relationship (I want to have a girlfriend but I can't because I will move to another country from September to February and I want to be single when I will go away), and I had my first wet dream
it was about a girl I knew in high school.Obv. no P.
Day 26
I have been absent for a while because I studied very hard for my exams, but now fortunately they're over. My days without P are going on, and not PMO now just feel so much natural to me. I had some flashbacks during the past days but they're decreasing dramatically during those days.
I am near my longest streak of 38 days
I have been absent for a while because I studied very hard for my exams, but now fortunately they're over. My days without P are going on, and not PMO now just feel so much natural to me. I had some flashbacks during the past days but they're decreasing dramatically during those days.
I am near my longest streak of 38 days
Here I am 19 days after the last post. First of all I feel I have to explain the reason for my absence. Since the 7th of July, the date of my last post, a few things have happened. As I said earlier since I stopped studying it has become more difficult to control, I stress immediately and it's difficult. Unfortunately these difficulties have taken over, right after an exact month from the beginning of my reboot, July 9th. I learned from this situation how to manage for the future, to rewiring for new scenarios.
So I resisted three miserable days until July 12th when I relapsed again. I tried to learn something from here too, I realized that couldn't resume from where I left, but I needed to resume that process of awareness of the problem and motivation that helped me so much at the beginning. And so I tried again.
All this until July 26, two weeks away. Today my recent relapse. What didn't work? It's that I promised to deal with the problem, to take good old habits but once for one reason, once for another, I always postponed this commitment.
Now I have decided to give it the highest priority, if I do not go ahead in this project, I can not deal well with others.
So I get back to restarting, from my first long reboot of 9th June I've been 1 month and a half and I saw p only 3 times, not bad after all. Now I do not want to count days, no more goals, it must be a permanent change. For me. For my family. For everything.
So I resisted three miserable days until July 12th when I relapsed again. I tried to learn something from here too, I realized that couldn't resume from where I left, but I needed to resume that process of awareness of the problem and motivation that helped me so much at the beginning. And so I tried again.
All this until July 26, two weeks away. Today my recent relapse. What didn't work? It's that I promised to deal with the problem, to take good old habits but once for one reason, once for another, I always postponed this commitment.
Now I have decided to give it the highest priority, if I do not go ahead in this project, I can not deal well with others.
So I get back to restarting, from my first long reboot of 9th June I've been 1 month and a half and I saw p only 3 times, not bad after all. Now I do not want to count days, no more goals, it must be a permanent change. For me. For my family. For everything.
Guys I'll be honest, even just writing this post makes me shame. It makes me feel like I've been an eternal failure even though I know it's not like that, and maybe this is one of the forum's functions, to help me not want to feel like this anymore. Unfortunately, I did not manage to resist even one day yesterday and I have fallen back. Now with what courage should I try again? With the fact that there is still time and hope that I can really be free, with the fact that every time I fall I can learn something new.
This time I think I'm at a turning point, I finally rationalized a trick my mind uses: whenever there is a situation that usually brings me to P I have a ready answer, but when I don't have it because it is a new situation, instead of looking at it at the moment, I use the lack of it as an excuse to get around the system.
But now things will change, I no longer have opportunities after this, now or never.
This time I think I'm at a turning point, I finally rationalized a trick my mind uses: whenever there is a situation that usually brings me to P I have a ready answer, but when I don't have it because it is a new situation, instead of looking at it at the moment, I use the lack of it as an excuse to get around the system.
But now things will change, I no longer have opportunities after this, now or never.
Today I relapsed again, it's really strange how one that has reached 38 days without P now has difficulty to reach a week...
I wondered what went wrong and I realized that despite being more active on the forum and being more consciuous about my problem, the rational part of my brain lost against the excuses my mind creates in order to justify porn. Maybe I can fix that reinforcing my rational self by reading new and old stuff about this problem everyday.
I will never give up!
I wondered what went wrong and I realized that despite being more active on the forum and being more consciuous about my problem, the rational part of my brain lost against the excuses my mind creates in order to justify porn. Maybe I can fix that reinforcing my rational self by reading new and old stuff about this problem everyday.
I will never give up!
Day 3
So everything went ok, in the evening my mind tried to convince me saying "concede yourself another PMO, you'll start on Monday, it will begin your reboot on Monday, it's a better day to begin things", but I resisted. Indeed I kept calm and realized that it's the same thing I said to myself other times, so if I would concede to it never would change.
Me 1 - Porn 0.
So everything went ok, in the evening my mind tried to convince me saying "concede yourself another PMO, you'll start on Monday, it will begin your reboot on Monday, it's a better day to begin things", but I resisted. Indeed I kept calm and realized that it's the same thing I said to myself other times, so if I would concede to it never would change.
Me 1 - Porn 0.
Yesterday I relapsed again, maybe it's the 1000th time that this happens but I won't give up, never.
This time I noticed that I need to learn new practices to strengthen my emotional power.
Resetting the counter. I will also write down all the cues that will manifest along the day.
This time I noticed that I need to learn new practices to strengthen my emotional power.
Resetting the counter. I will also write down all the cues that will manifest along the day.