OGMC - Choosing the Right Path
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noises1990
Active Member
Hey man! Stop thinking about your ex. It s her loss since she s the one that went away! Congrats on reaching the 30 days landmark!! You can make it
Stay strong! Stay confident!
Stay strong! Stay confident!
Day 38-43
Haven't written in a while. Had a little bit of a hiccup. I looked up some erotic material - not strictly porn but it did have sexy imagery. I think it was enough to trigger a wet dream though because on day 41 I had a wet dream. In fact on day 38 I had a wet dream too. To have 2 wet dreams in the span of 4 days is incredible for me, usually I don't have that much pent up sexual energy. To me though it shows that my sexual sensitivity has returned but I need to be wary of looking at anything even remotely erotic. It's causing me to dream about it.
Haven't written in a while. Had a little bit of a hiccup. I looked up some erotic material - not strictly porn but it did have sexy imagery. I think it was enough to trigger a wet dream though because on day 41 I had a wet dream. In fact on day 38 I had a wet dream too. To have 2 wet dreams in the span of 4 days is incredible for me, usually I don't have that much pent up sexual energy. To me though it shows that my sexual sensitivity has returned but I need to be wary of looking at anything even remotely erotic. It's causing me to dream about it.
Day 44-57
Unfortunately the last couple of days have been bad, wow I haven't written to this journal for almost two weeks! I really fell off the wagon. I started looking at pornographic images - I didn't end up watching any videos. But it all ended up when I went on my friends computer and I was looking to play some music (we were getting ready to go out to the bars). I inadvertently came upon his browser history and took a peak at some porn really quick.
Well that was enough to get me going on searching for pornographic images. I would occassionally look until I kept coming upon it. I've been good the last couple of days but honestly it's been kinda bad. I haven't reset my badge just yet because so far I haven't fapped. I've resisted that. But honestly I'm more worried about just even looking at imagery, even for short durations, it has such a strong effect.
I've been good the last couple of days but I still probably spend about 5 minutes a day searching for images - even if I don't find any. What I mean by that is I do have a porn filter installed (k9 and my router has one) but even those filters don't catch everything. So I still occassionally will glance at an image. Even just seeing ONE pic for ONE second can get me going and get me horny.
Overall though I think I'm out of the major danger zone of full on relapse but still it's not pleasant. I'm trying my best to remind myself to not throw away all the days I've worked up and also to keep reminding myself that porn is totally destructive to my well being. I'm not in any position to even glance at it.
Unfortunately the last couple of days have been bad, wow I haven't written to this journal for almost two weeks! I really fell off the wagon. I started looking at pornographic images - I didn't end up watching any videos. But it all ended up when I went on my friends computer and I was looking to play some music (we were getting ready to go out to the bars). I inadvertently came upon his browser history and took a peak at some porn really quick.
Well that was enough to get me going on searching for pornographic images. I would occassionally look until I kept coming upon it. I've been good the last couple of days but honestly it's been kinda bad. I haven't reset my badge just yet because so far I haven't fapped. I've resisted that. But honestly I'm more worried about just even looking at imagery, even for short durations, it has such a strong effect.
I've been good the last couple of days but I still probably spend about 5 minutes a day searching for images - even if I don't find any. What I mean by that is I do have a porn filter installed (k9 and my router has one) but even those filters don't catch everything. So I still occassionally will glance at an image. Even just seeing ONE pic for ONE second can get me going and get me horny.
Overall though I think I'm out of the major danger zone of full on relapse but still it's not pleasant. I'm trying my best to remind myself to not throw away all the days I've worked up and also to keep reminding myself that porn is totally destructive to my well being. I'm not in any position to even glance at it.
Well, my streak came to an end. I was hungover and watched porn and fapped. I will be resetting my counter here pretty soon. But again it's so important for me to journal. When I get lazy about it, is when it can happen the easiest. Can't rest on my laurels just because I made it so far.
Day 1:
Well, here we go again. This is Day 1. Gotta keep going. I was pretty depressed the last few days because I fapped to porn and binged. But I'm back on the wagon and hoping to make another 90 day run. So far I've stopped short in the 60s since my last 90 day run but I hope to achieve that.
And beyond that I hope to achieve full freedom from porn.
Definitely for me I know there have been two main downfalls that I've learned form the last few relapses:
1. Being hungover (and by extension lack of sleep from general insomnia)
2. Google searching for porn even with full filters in place.
These I will have to be wary about. I have to limit my consumption of alcohol when I go out. This is what's hindering me. I'm already a terrible sleeper.
These are the things I will have to be cognizant of.
Well, here we go again. This is Day 1. Gotta keep going. I was pretty depressed the last few days because I fapped to porn and binged. But I'm back on the wagon and hoping to make another 90 day run. So far I've stopped short in the 60s since my last 90 day run but I hope to achieve that.
And beyond that I hope to achieve full freedom from porn.
Definitely for me I know there have been two main downfalls that I've learned form the last few relapses:
1. Being hungover (and by extension lack of sleep from general insomnia)
2. Google searching for porn even with full filters in place.
These I will have to be wary about. I have to limit my consumption of alcohol when I go out. This is what's hindering me. I'm already a terrible sleeper.
These are the things I will have to be cognizant of.
Day 2:
Can't rest on my laurels. Not watching porn is so important. The "not fapping" part is a lot easier than "no porn." Porn is the true culprit, but I can't recover without giving up porn.
I felt a couple urges to watch porn. It's tough. Usually after Day 30 I'm feeling good and not getting any strong urges.
Searching for porn, even with porn filters, is my precursor to relapse. Gotta fight it.
Can't rest on my laurels. Not watching porn is so important. The "not fapping" part is a lot easier than "no porn." Porn is the true culprit, but I can't recover without giving up porn.
I felt a couple urges to watch porn. It's tough. Usually after Day 30 I'm feeling good and not getting any strong urges.
Searching for porn, even with porn filters, is my precursor to relapse. Gotta fight it.
Day 3:
Urges coming back. Having flashbacks of porn and my ex-girlfriend. Usually by Day 3 is when the urges start to come back stronger as my libido builds up again. It's tough, as usual but I'm taking it day by day. Certain days I'm just wanting it so much but I keep trying to think about how much better it is to be with real girls. That's partially what keeps me going. The other parts are just keeping myself away from the computer and phone, if possible.
I gotta avoid Reddit. Even in SFW subreddits sometimes people post NSFW stuff and it just really ruins it. Had a trigger earlier from reading reddit but thankfully I got past it. Still, I'm thinking I should delete my reddit app on my phone and replace it with Kindle, start reading books.
Urges coming back. Having flashbacks of porn and my ex-girlfriend. Usually by Day 3 is when the urges start to come back stronger as my libido builds up again. It's tough, as usual but I'm taking it day by day. Certain days I'm just wanting it so much but I keep trying to think about how much better it is to be with real girls. That's partially what keeps me going. The other parts are just keeping myself away from the computer and phone, if possible.
I gotta avoid Reddit. Even in SFW subreddits sometimes people post NSFW stuff and it just really ruins it. Had a trigger earlier from reading reddit but thankfully I got past it. Still, I'm thinking I should delete my reddit app on my phone and replace it with Kindle, start reading books.
Day 4:
Urges still there. Not as strong as yesterday, but still there. First time in a while tonight I turned down a friend to go out and drink, because I know what will happen. I'll get really wasted, be hungover the next morning and risk relapsing. I also won't be able to stay asleep because I'm a terrible sleeper.
I know this is a good decision, but I want to go out. But I'm also generally just exhausted right now.
Urges still there. Not as strong as yesterday, but still there. First time in a while tonight I turned down a friend to go out and drink, because I know what will happen. I'll get really wasted, be hungover the next morning and risk relapsing. I also won't be able to stay asleep because I'm a terrible sleeper.
I know this is a good decision, but I want to go out. But I'm also generally just exhausted right now.
Day 4.5
Mid-day update. I decided to start doing these to help keep me on track in case I ran into triggers mid-day and needed a reason to talk through it and of course hopefully keep me accountable by making it public to these forums.
I ran into some porn on another device I forgot to lock (my router has filter settings I can set so I can filter things from my phone/tablet) but there was another device, this time my xbox. I was able to add my xbox to the filter on my router. Unfortunately my router only blocks specific websites, so I've compiled a giant list of "do not allow" sites to add up on it, so it's not like a K9. However it is a good deterrent.
Filters are never foolproof anyways. There are too many ways to get past them but it's meant to be a speed bump to stop me in my tracks, and give me time to think through it. Anyway it brought back some urges but I'm fighting through it.
Mid-day update. I decided to start doing these to help keep me on track in case I ran into triggers mid-day and needed a reason to talk through it and of course hopefully keep me accountable by making it public to these forums.
I ran into some porn on another device I forgot to lock (my router has filter settings I can set so I can filter things from my phone/tablet) but there was another device, this time my xbox. I was able to add my xbox to the filter on my router. Unfortunately my router only blocks specific websites, so I've compiled a giant list of "do not allow" sites to add up on it, so it's not like a K9. However it is a good deterrent.
Filters are never foolproof anyways. There are too many ways to get past them but it's meant to be a speed bump to stop me in my tracks, and give me time to think through it. Anyway it brought back some urges but I'm fighting through it.
Day 0:
Well relapsed again. Crap. I'm pretty tired right now, partly that's why I relapsed. Lack of sleep. Will update again tomorrow but here we go again.
Feeling really down again. Porn is really taking hold. My recent previous two best streaks of 60 and 66 days seem so far now. I can't believe I made it that far considering how I quickly I just recently failed this latest streak of 5 days.
But I gotta keep getting back on that horse. I know I can do this. I believe in myself.
Well relapsed again. Crap. I'm pretty tired right now, partly that's why I relapsed. Lack of sleep. Will update again tomorrow but here we go again.
Feeling really down again. Porn is really taking hold. My recent previous two best streaks of 60 and 66 days seem so far now. I can't believe I made it that far considering how I quickly I just recently failed this latest streak of 5 days.
But I gotta keep getting back on that horse. I know I can do this. I believe in myself.
Day 1:
No porn or fap but I definitely felt the urges of the Cooledge effect.
The Navy Seals motto is that "the only easy day was yesterday." I felt like it was an easy day, but again that would be me resting on my laurels. It's only going to get harder, with each passing day. Again vigilance is always required for possible triggers. For me, my biggest downfall is lack of sleep. Anytime I lose sleep - whether it be due to general insomnia, anxiety or hangovers - I easily fall into the trap of pornography. That's why it's so important for me to get enough sleep.
I'm writing this at nearly 9 pm and I have to be at work by 6:30 tomorrow. I will need every ounce of sleep I can get.
But I know I can do this. More than anything I need confidence that I can do this after every relapse. I can't beat myself up for too long, otherwise I know it may lead to more relapses.
Last but not least is to not give in to fear. I feel like there are many things I want to do in life but I give in to the fear. I fall back into old habits as a result of it.
No porn or fap but I definitely felt the urges of the Cooledge effect.
The Navy Seals motto is that "the only easy day was yesterday." I felt like it was an easy day, but again that would be me resting on my laurels. It's only going to get harder, with each passing day. Again vigilance is always required for possible triggers. For me, my biggest downfall is lack of sleep. Anytime I lose sleep - whether it be due to general insomnia, anxiety or hangovers - I easily fall into the trap of pornography. That's why it's so important for me to get enough sleep.
I'm writing this at nearly 9 pm and I have to be at work by 6:30 tomorrow. I will need every ounce of sleep I can get.
But I know I can do this. More than anything I need confidence that I can do this after every relapse. I can't beat myself up for too long, otherwise I know it may lead to more relapses.
Last but not least is to not give in to fear. I feel like there are many things I want to do in life but I give in to the fear. I fall back into old habits as a result of it.
Day 2:
Some strong urges today. It was weird... I felt like I wanted it. I didn't despise porn like I had before. Something I am trying to fight so hard.
Definitely difficult due to the overall feelings I have. I have been such a negative, anxious and depressed person lately. I realized over the last couple of months that rarely anything energizes or makes me happy, even at the height of my streaks, 60+ days in and I was getting better at doing things and getting out of a funk but not really feeling better.
Maybe I was still going through some withdrawal as I recovered but still, I wish things could feel better. I wish it wouldn't be so hard everyday. I wish just for one day I felt some happiness.
But nevertheless a good day because I didn't ultimately fap or submit to porn. I definitely need some more sleep. Strangely, I got a lot of sleep last night but I still woke up very tired.
Some strong urges today. It was weird... I felt like I wanted it. I didn't despise porn like I had before. Something I am trying to fight so hard.
Definitely difficult due to the overall feelings I have. I have been such a negative, anxious and depressed person lately. I realized over the last couple of months that rarely anything energizes or makes me happy, even at the height of my streaks, 60+ days in and I was getting better at doing things and getting out of a funk but not really feeling better.
Maybe I was still going through some withdrawal as I recovered but still, I wish things could feel better. I wish it wouldn't be so hard everyday. I wish just for one day I felt some happiness.
But nevertheless a good day because I didn't ultimately fap or submit to porn. I definitely need some more sleep. Strangely, I got a lot of sleep last night but I still woke up very tired.
Day 3:
The urges are strong still. I am getting flashbacks of porn. This is definitely tough. Tougher than before it seems. Maybe because I am not as hard on myself as before? The general advice in this community is to not beat yourself up. But I do anyways. But after so many relapses, it feels par for the course. I almost feel jaded - almost accepting of my relapses. But at the same time I still know how incredibly important it is to beat this.
Today while running I saw a pretty hot girl walking her dog. Anytime I see everyday real life hot girls it makes my resolve a bit stronger - it doesn't trigger me. It reminds me of how beautiful real life women are and how I can still be afflicted with porn induced ED during sexual activity.
So that brings me to a new revelation. I've always known I need to improve my life and improve everything - not just trying to fight porn and fapping. Being around people in general and enriching my life with other things are so important for both beating porn addiction and for reengaging the fun and joy of having a life not shackled by porn-fueled dopamine hunt that is so easy to fall back into.
Anyways, a good day overall despite the urges. No porn or fap.
But like the Navy SEALS say, the only easy day was yesterday.
The urges are strong still. I am getting flashbacks of porn. This is definitely tough. Tougher than before it seems. Maybe because I am not as hard on myself as before? The general advice in this community is to not beat yourself up. But I do anyways. But after so many relapses, it feels par for the course. I almost feel jaded - almost accepting of my relapses. But at the same time I still know how incredibly important it is to beat this.
Today while running I saw a pretty hot girl walking her dog. Anytime I see everyday real life hot girls it makes my resolve a bit stronger - it doesn't trigger me. It reminds me of how beautiful real life women are and how I can still be afflicted with porn induced ED during sexual activity.
So that brings me to a new revelation. I've always known I need to improve my life and improve everything - not just trying to fight porn and fapping. Being around people in general and enriching my life with other things are so important for both beating porn addiction and for reengaging the fun and joy of having a life not shackled by porn-fueled dopamine hunt that is so easy to fall back into.
Anyways, a good day overall despite the urges. No porn or fap.
But like the Navy SEALS say, the only easy day was yesterday.