Another try at an old problem

J

Jimbodel

Guest
Ok it is a fail as reading reboot basics they state fantasying is as bad as watching but masturbating is not a fail.  I have no urge to watch at all but I do have it pop into my head often.

So tomorrow will be day 1 again, but I have learned something and that is important.
 
js2004

js2004

Active Member
Same thing happened to me and I didn't "count" it because I felt like I didn't really fail. I felt like in  the end it was a win because I didn't really use P and I never had an O.  So sit down later this evening and look at what you did leading up to that point and exactly what you felt leading up to that point also. Journal it, learn from it and move on by going forward and not looking back. This is the advice someone gave me. Just my two cents.
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
Hi JS;  what led up to it was numerous erections last night while sleeping, just crazy and then watching Married with Children today which is basically porn with clothing!  Have you ever noticed that your sleeping erections are bigger and harder than your conscious ones?  I will have to think on whether I count it a failure, I did let scenes from my stories pop into my head at times but like you I never finished.  Will see what I think tomorrow.

Thanks for the feed back.
 
TakeActionNow

TakeActionNow

Respected Member
Jim,
dont be so hard on yourself.

The process of recovery is about awareness and reconnection.
That you are aware is already a good sign of recovery.

You are not perfect.
Do not expect that just because you are going through reboot you will 100% not have desires. The human body, mind and emotions are not a rigid system.
It is like an ocean with currents and storms.

In time your waves of desires will slowly subside, and be replaced with calm and still stability.
Until then, you just need to watch yourself and not be sucked into it unconsciously, and not do things that promote it.

I will not count this as a failing, but as a learning.
If you didn't learn, then you need to fail.
but if you have learnt, do not judge yourself harshly, because you are already moving in the right direction.
 
js2004

js2004

Active Member
I hear you and yes, I have that same issue when I sleep.  It wakes me up often.  I really view it as a super positive because it tells me the signs of aging aren't really that sever as my knees and back and every other joint I have in my body.  Anyways, what TAN said is right, if you don't learn then you failed. 
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
Thanks guys for the feedback.  I think I am going to count it as no porn failure, but M failure.

I have bad knees too, ended my career; and a bad back to boot too. Army to blame for me.
 
js2004

js2004

Active Member
I hear ya.  Okay, so then pick yourself up and learn from it and move on. Don't let yourself get to the point where you are contemplating M again.
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
Aug 9 - day 21/1

Not much today, running around town today and wife is at work tonight but no inclination to look at P, but then I never really do.  I would still like to write stories but obviously I won't, but I wrote some great ones! :p
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
LOL - Yeah, just thinking of them makes me smile...um I guess that isn't good huh.  ;)

10 Aug - day 22/2
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
13 Aug - D25 1/30

Well it seems to me that looking at porn, at least at this point, is not an issue but the urge to M is so I am going to start a new clock and go for 30 days without M.  Myself, I don't think that P and M necessarily go together, one can occasionally M without using P or thinking of it and without a lot of the bad side effects of P, at least IMO.  Even when I did M it was maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks, hardly a problem.  I am also forcing myself not to stop when I see a hot babe on tv and oogle her; did well today, a woman was standing there with no bra on and you could see the entire side of her boob, normally I would have stopped and stared for 5 minutes but today I kept going, but it wasn't easy.
 
bob

bob

Respected Member
Jim,

Good to hear that you were able to look away from that tempting imagery. I too struggle with that situation. Its there, right in front of me, and within the realm of its titillation level, it is over the top. And you looked away. That's great.

I have always felt a level of success if I acknowledged her (who ever) as a female, realize she is attractive, alluring, even down right sexy; then I look away. Its as if I am giving her the respect of not visualizing her as an object. Its OK that she is all of the things above. However, she is also a girl, a women, an individual, someones sister, mother, wife, friend. She is not responsible for my reaction. I handle myself with dignity and do not linger with my eyes or my mind.

Its not always easy but as I said; I feel success when the two second rule is applied effectively.

Peace
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
14 Aug - D25 2/30

Hi Bob;  Very hard to not freeze the image and stare for sure.  Today on my run I passed 3x 20 something girls in bikinis...God has a great sense of humor!  Of course I was too old for them to look at me, unless I had rolls of cash falling out of my pockets.

As the old saying goes "too bad youth is wasted on the young".
 
js2004

js2004

Active Member
Ain't that the truth.  I've been at the beach and there are way to many women in bikinis, it's killing me.  I don't think I have ever walked with my head down as long as I have today.
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
15 Aug - D26 3/30



Hi JS;  In my case I was running across an old logging bridge out in the middle of nowhere, more bears than people in the area which is why I take that route, no traffic.  The girls were going to the falls I guess, who knows if I had hung around maybe I could have seen full nudity.  The beach would defeat me!
 
js2004

js2004

Active Member
I'll admit it's tough. But I just don't want the wrath of negitive feelings that will follow.  I just look the other way or keep my head down. If I thought for a second there would be nudity I would really be in trouble though.
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
16 Aug - D27 4/30

Wife is at work, M urge is strong so I played a computer game, listened to a subliminal and came here.  Urge is dropping and I am ok now; glad my wife doesn't work a full week!
 
J

Jimbodel

Guest
21 Aug - Day 32

My third night of not sleeping, I sure wish I could regularly sleep each and every night, it seems that I will go days with poor sleep (bed at 11, wake between 1-3, fall asleep again between 4-5, up at 8 ) and then have an exhausted sleep like Sunday, slept until 930 which is very late for me.  Of course last night I couldn't sleep so my brain went to thinking of sex stories I could write; time and again I redid my chant and it would go away only to return a few minutes later.  Feeling very tired today, brain weakened so having to fight the urge to write big time.

***well didn't write, but I did M which I am attributing completely to my brain fog, I could fall asleep right now as I type this.  Didn't O, just M. Back to day 0.***
 
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