J
Jimbodel
Guest
23 Aug - Day 34/2
Thanks JS; yep everyday is the same, same old thoughts and such. Lately I have been thinking of all the hot women I won't be able to look at online anymore and going "that sucks"; of course that is just the addiction talking.
Thanks JS; yep everyday is the same, same old thoughts and such. Lately I have been thinking of all the hot women I won't be able to look at online anymore and going "that sucks"; of course that is just the addiction talking.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
Ok, ran an experiment starting Wed and ending today, I purposely relapsed to see what the effects would be after reading stuff on "your brain on porn", both good and bad. This is what I found out:
Good: After a month of not watching porn I was able to get an erection while watching a video, something that was not possible before I rebooted.
Bad: 1. I started Wed at 4pm writing a story, at 5 I had to stop for supper and to wash dishes and all I could think of was writing. At 6 I resumed writing and spent until 830 doing so, and even then I had to force myself to stop. While waiting to write again at 5 I felt excited, like a kid with a new present, and my stomach had butterfly's. I felt incredibly jumpy like I had too much coffee.
2. Thursday I couldn't wait to get back on the computer and write more; while looking up something about Klingons (not related to the story) a picture of a hot babe popped up, that is all it took for me to search her and find her naked. That led to looking for more hot babes which led to videos. Suddenly I had about 12 videos downloaded and numerous tabs open on screen. My wife wanted to go out yesterday afternoon but I chose to stay home so I could surf. Once again at 830 I had to force myself off the computer.
3. I was worried that my wife would catch me in the act; I was so paranoid that I made sure I shut down my laptop when not on it to make sure no evidence was available, normally I just put my LT to sleep.
4. I quickly found myself comparing my wife to the women in the videos, and of course she lost.
5. Today, Friday, I ended up MO to one of my favourite videos, as soon as I was finished I felt bad and deleted all stuff from my computer. This is the same routine I always followed.
So now back to day 1, but I am glad I did this so I know what the effects would be. I did learn that M without thinking of P or watching it is not a relapse, at least for me, the effects and feelings are totally different. I was beating myself over M but I won't anymore, not that I M much anyway.
Good: After a month of not watching porn I was able to get an erection while watching a video, something that was not possible before I rebooted.
Bad: 1. I started Wed at 4pm writing a story, at 5 I had to stop for supper and to wash dishes and all I could think of was writing. At 6 I resumed writing and spent until 830 doing so, and even then I had to force myself to stop. While waiting to write again at 5 I felt excited, like a kid with a new present, and my stomach had butterfly's. I felt incredibly jumpy like I had too much coffee.
2. Thursday I couldn't wait to get back on the computer and write more; while looking up something about Klingons (not related to the story) a picture of a hot babe popped up, that is all it took for me to search her and find her naked. That led to looking for more hot babes which led to videos. Suddenly I had about 12 videos downloaded and numerous tabs open on screen. My wife wanted to go out yesterday afternoon but I chose to stay home so I could surf. Once again at 830 I had to force myself off the computer.
3. I was worried that my wife would catch me in the act; I was so paranoid that I made sure I shut down my laptop when not on it to make sure no evidence was available, normally I just put my LT to sleep.
4. I quickly found myself comparing my wife to the women in the videos, and of course she lost.
5. Today, Friday, I ended up MO to one of my favourite videos, as soon as I was finished I felt bad and deleted all stuff from my computer. This is the same routine I always followed.
So now back to day 1, but I am glad I did this so I know what the effects would be. I did learn that M without thinking of P or watching it is not a relapse, at least for me, the effects and feelings are totally different. I was beating myself over M but I won't anymore, not that I M much anyway.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
Ok, after being pissed off with my wife I have to admit that today I completely failed in every way, so tomorrow will be day 1 again.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
D1. I am starting to wonder if coming here is really necessary, I should be able to stop looking at P without having to use a false crutch such as a daily tracker. :-\ Will see how it goes.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Jim,
please dont let up.
Being here is not about days tracking.
It is about personal life journalling.
Through journalling you will understand yourself better.
The triggers and the consequences.
It is about awareness and accountability.
Hopefully you will be able to understand yourself better and map the route to greater happiness and freedom in your life.
please dont let up.
Being here is not about days tracking.
It is about personal life journalling.
Through journalling you will understand yourself better.
The triggers and the consequences.
It is about awareness and accountability.
Hopefully you will be able to understand yourself better and map the route to greater happiness and freedom in your life.
lyon03
Respected Member
Like TakeActionNow I'd encourage you to keep coming back. Some of the greatest tools that helped me make it this far were being part of a community; encouraging others; and accepting that I couldn't beat my porn addiction alone. So yes please keep coming back and encouraging others. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
D4
J
Jimbodel
Guest
So I found going day by day just wasn't enough incentive for me, it was too easy to say "it is just a day, what the hell" so last Monday I decided I would set a goal of 1 week. Saturday I was tempted but I rationalized that I only had 3 days to go to meet my goal and it worked, so 1 week down. I will continue to strive for a week at a time as it is more of a carrot for me.
1 week.
1 week.
TakeActionNow
Respected Member
Jim,
do have a think about these few things to help you along:
1. why do you do it?
The tell tale sign happens just before we slip.
For me its quite clear: loneliness, seeking achievement, boredom
2. Do you know this is a habit?
In the book "The power of habit", the author describes habit as :
cue- routine- reward
The problem with habits is that it is automatic with little decision making.
sometimes the habit is so strong that perceived reward kicks in before routine actually takes place.
However, just as we can form a PMO habit, we can also break a PMO habit by forming new creative ones to replace the old.
http://www.kimhartman.se/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/The-Power-of-Habit-Summary.pdf
Cravings come and go. But may persist if the environment doesnt change. Best is to get out of the house for a walk or go do something that requires focus and attention.
3. Greater goal and purpose
Set a strong long term goal with meaning.
I have an end Nov goal because I'll be flying out and I want to be mentally and physically prepared for that.
4. Bonus
M and P works like a vicious cycle. They breed and promote each other.
Cut one out and the other will quickly fade.
My cutting out of M has made me less interested in P
no access to P means no need to M
5. Lastly, if its not difficult or challenging, its not worthwhile.
Surfing P and/or getting an M is too easy.
The body knows it and wont reward us with actual feel good factors.
Go find something interesting and challenging to do !
Good luck and stay focused !
do have a think about these few things to help you along:
1. why do you do it?
The tell tale sign happens just before we slip.
For me its quite clear: loneliness, seeking achievement, boredom
2. Do you know this is a habit?
In the book "The power of habit", the author describes habit as :
cue- routine- reward
The problem with habits is that it is automatic with little decision making.
sometimes the habit is so strong that perceived reward kicks in before routine actually takes place.
However, just as we can form a PMO habit, we can also break a PMO habit by forming new creative ones to replace the old.
http://www.kimhartman.se/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/The-Power-of-Habit-Summary.pdf
Cravings come and go. But may persist if the environment doesnt change. Best is to get out of the house for a walk or go do something that requires focus and attention.
3. Greater goal and purpose
Set a strong long term goal with meaning.
I have an end Nov goal because I'll be flying out and I want to be mentally and physically prepared for that.
4. Bonus
M and P works like a vicious cycle. They breed and promote each other.
Cut one out and the other will quickly fade.
My cutting out of M has made me less interested in P
no access to P means no need to M
5. Lastly, if its not difficult or challenging, its not worthwhile.
Surfing P and/or getting an M is too easy.
The body knows it and wont reward us with actual feel good factors.
Go find something interesting and challenging to do !
Good luck and stay focused !
J
Jimbodel
Guest
Week 2, easy.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
3 weeks, no temptation at all. Even stumbled upon a naughty picture when I was looking for reviews on THE MUMMY (horrible Tom Cruise movie SUCKED) and looked at it, said "that's not what I wanted" and closed the window.
Not surprised THE MUMMY gets 26%.
Thanks to all for the replies. For me setting long range benchmarks is much better than day by day.
Not surprised THE MUMMY gets 26%.
Thanks to all for the replies. For me setting long range benchmarks is much better than day by day.
J
Jimbodel
Guest
4+ weeks, still sliding along.
I can't believe how much better feeling sex is with my wife than when I was watching P and having to visualize it to get off. Night and day.
Cheers all.
I can't believe how much better feeling sex is with my wife than when I was watching P and having to visualize it to get off. Night and day.
Cheers all.
Strike a true path
Active Member
Great stuff! Already you are seeing major improvement in your life...