B
BreakingTheFapCycle
Guest
I am sitting around the house. I have deep dark circles under my eyes again, my thinking is fuzzy, my temper explosive, my voice a girly hoarse rasp, no strength at all in my body, my eyesight hazy and I just want to die really and I really badly want to fap. My dick is tingling and I just want to play with my plank.
I managed to get to just over a month earlier this year and I felt superhuman. In reality though, I felt as normal people do but compared to always feeling like shit, I felt like superman. I had unbelievable levels of confidence, beautiful women noticed me and walked over and began to chat, my body was changing, lines were appearing on my stomach and I felt so strong it was unreal. I was doing stuff out in the yard, digging holes and pulling down dead parts of trees when normally I can't even turn a spade in the ground because I'm so shattered.
I am on day 2 AGAIN! I don't seem to ever be able to get beyond the 2 week mark (although as I have mentioned, I can count one month of NOFAP) and I don't understand why. I have gone to YBOP and religiously read the articles, all of them over and over again and I 'get it.' I want to stop. I pray, meditate, eat well, exercise regularly when I'm on the NOFAP streak, I put all the things into place that should make a reboot possible yet I always find myself fapping away at the 2 week mark.
WHY AM I NOT GETTING THIS?
I am a 40 year old guy with a failed marriage, a poor employment record and no future because of this fapping nonsense. The last job I had I lost because of the fapping. I fapped and came into work the next day. I was drained, couldn't talk and think straight and ended up exploding temper wise at work and that was the end of that. Had I not fapped I would still be there. Fapping has ruined my life. I cannot remember a time except during the one month streak where I have felt good in and of myself since the day I began fapping which was 27 years ago!!! 27 years!!!!!! I have wasted over a quarter of a century on something which has brought me nothing good whatsoever.
In the month when I stopped fapping, the dark circles under my eyes went completely, my skin looked clearer, my eyesight improved, the clarity of vision was astounding. My sense of taste improved, I began to lift weights and started really looking after myself physically in many ways other than just exercise by putting on aftershave, trimming my beard, using facial washes, brushing and flossing my teeth several times a day and that kind of thing. My voice noticeably deepened and became more resonant, people would notice when I walked into a room and listen to what I had to say without interrupting. Other guys began seeing me like one of their own rather than a girlyboy. Washboard abs appeared where I've always had puppy fat. I was like a different person.
I was able to talk to women and make prolonged eye contact. I found things funny and found myself genuinely interested in others. The world felt new, I suddenly experienced a sense of being very alive. Not just alive but very alive. It was a tremendous time. I was going out all the time and doing things. Now I'm back to sitting around indoors, I don't want to see anyone or talk to them and yesterday I did go out, I saw a beautiful woman and I put my head down and scurried away, I didn't want her to see me and I was frightened of engaging in an interaction with her in case she laughed at me. Fapping has taken away my masculinity and my life.
Then at the end of the month or so of NOFAP I experienced some moderate stress and rather than dealing with it like an adult I went back to playing with my dick and it's all been pretty crap since then. The fact I feel bad about myself only adds to the self-loathing, shame and utter hopelessness I feel and that lends itself to the vicious cycle of fapping. I have noticed that I never fap when I am feeling good about myself. Only when I feel bad about things.
I need some stern talking to because in and of myself I am not getting this at all and yet I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. They say Life Begins At 40, oh God I so want it to. What on earth do I need to do to finally get this NOFAP business to go into my head and stay there? Please guys, I need some outside help because I'm exhausted. Why with all the safeguards and positive routines I'm putting in place am I not able to get through this? Plus, I suffer terribly with HOCD despite never looking at others guys sexually and that tends to be the trigger to want to 'test' myself and then it all goes downhill from there.
Thanks for listening.
I managed to get to just over a month earlier this year and I felt superhuman. In reality though, I felt as normal people do but compared to always feeling like shit, I felt like superman. I had unbelievable levels of confidence, beautiful women noticed me and walked over and began to chat, my body was changing, lines were appearing on my stomach and I felt so strong it was unreal. I was doing stuff out in the yard, digging holes and pulling down dead parts of trees when normally I can't even turn a spade in the ground because I'm so shattered.
I am on day 2 AGAIN! I don't seem to ever be able to get beyond the 2 week mark (although as I have mentioned, I can count one month of NOFAP) and I don't understand why. I have gone to YBOP and religiously read the articles, all of them over and over again and I 'get it.' I want to stop. I pray, meditate, eat well, exercise regularly when I'm on the NOFAP streak, I put all the things into place that should make a reboot possible yet I always find myself fapping away at the 2 week mark.
WHY AM I NOT GETTING THIS?
I am a 40 year old guy with a failed marriage, a poor employment record and no future because of this fapping nonsense. The last job I had I lost because of the fapping. I fapped and came into work the next day. I was drained, couldn't talk and think straight and ended up exploding temper wise at work and that was the end of that. Had I not fapped I would still be there. Fapping has ruined my life. I cannot remember a time except during the one month streak where I have felt good in and of myself since the day I began fapping which was 27 years ago!!! 27 years!!!!!! I have wasted over a quarter of a century on something which has brought me nothing good whatsoever.
In the month when I stopped fapping, the dark circles under my eyes went completely, my skin looked clearer, my eyesight improved, the clarity of vision was astounding. My sense of taste improved, I began to lift weights and started really looking after myself physically in many ways other than just exercise by putting on aftershave, trimming my beard, using facial washes, brushing and flossing my teeth several times a day and that kind of thing. My voice noticeably deepened and became more resonant, people would notice when I walked into a room and listen to what I had to say without interrupting. Other guys began seeing me like one of their own rather than a girlyboy. Washboard abs appeared where I've always had puppy fat. I was like a different person.
I was able to talk to women and make prolonged eye contact. I found things funny and found myself genuinely interested in others. The world felt new, I suddenly experienced a sense of being very alive. Not just alive but very alive. It was a tremendous time. I was going out all the time and doing things. Now I'm back to sitting around indoors, I don't want to see anyone or talk to them and yesterday I did go out, I saw a beautiful woman and I put my head down and scurried away, I didn't want her to see me and I was frightened of engaging in an interaction with her in case she laughed at me. Fapping has taken away my masculinity and my life.
Then at the end of the month or so of NOFAP I experienced some moderate stress and rather than dealing with it like an adult I went back to playing with my dick and it's all been pretty crap since then. The fact I feel bad about myself only adds to the self-loathing, shame and utter hopelessness I feel and that lends itself to the vicious cycle of fapping. I have noticed that I never fap when I am feeling good about myself. Only when I feel bad about things.
I need some stern talking to because in and of myself I am not getting this at all and yet I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. They say Life Begins At 40, oh God I so want it to. What on earth do I need to do to finally get this NOFAP business to go into my head and stay there? Please guys, I need some outside help because I'm exhausted. Why with all the safeguards and positive routines I'm putting in place am I not able to get through this? Plus, I suffer terribly with HOCD despite never looking at others guys sexually and that tends to be the trigger to want to 'test' myself and then it all goes downhill from there.
Thanks for listening.