I am addicted to webcam-chat

[joepanic]

Ye make sure to leave your computer at work  and monday morning take a drive out somewhere in the opposite direction from work  take a lunch with you  or buy a nice lunch out  read the newspaper while having lunch  go as long as you can before coming home  I f you get past that day  your work and family life should get you through another week  it gets easier as the time gets longer  and you say to yourself  I reached that goal  now I want another

      Cheers

                  Post often  it helps me it helps you

 

[Alex48]

Hi mate, I had the same problem as you. The cam chat had me quite stuck, especially since I already had contacts that attracted me and I wanted to repeat.
In my case, what helped me was the motivation to experience my real sexuality again. I ended up understanding that while I was very excited about the experience on cam, there was a point where that felt incomplete (I think that anyone who has experienced a good sexuality ever understands this).
And there was something that helped me a lot. Accept that sexuality is something less explosive than the experience on the cam. I mean, in my case I had to understand and give up the fantasy that you can have sex with everyone you want, at the time you want. I think that's the temptation of cam chat.
Deep down you know that real sex more more pleasant, but it also takes more time. I say this because in my case I'm single, so you know you have to move, to contact someone, give time to the situation, run the risk of being rejected, and especially that is not immediate.
That's my experience, I've been without PMO for 110 days. I regained my desire, I notice it continuously, and well, now looking to find someone.
I wish you the best. It is difficult, but if there is a good motivation it can be. Hugs

 

[AndyM]

I understand that you are in need of a really good reason to want to quit your addiction to webcam-sex with random women. Most guys here want to quit porn because their addiction has cost them their erections. That?s not your case.

You write:

?I want to quit this habit in order to:
- get rid of social anxiety
- gain more self-confidence
- use all the hours I spend on my bad habit of something more constructive
- preserve my sexual energy
- get rid of unnatural sexual-desire?

Let me rephrase this so you understand what negative consequences your addiction cost you at this moment. Your continued use of webcam-sex:
- give you social anxiety
- give you lower self-confidence
- make you waste time
- make you waste sexual energy
- give you an unnatural sexual-desire

Those are all negative consequences that can be linked to porn addiction, but maybe not the most dreaded ones like erectile dysfunction, anorgasmia or morphing sexual tastes that really give those who have them a burning desire to WANT to quit their addiction.

I'm afraid that you don't seem to understand that YOU are not paying the biggest cost of your addiction right now?

Because that COST is on your WIFE at the moment.

She is paying the price of living with a husband who is doing something behind her back that I think most women would be extremely hurt by. Even if you ?don't really consider it "cheating" on my wife?, she might do that.

If she finds out, she might very well make you pay the prize for that cost. And I?m afraid that the price tag on your addiction, in that case, could be devastatingly high considering that you live in a marriage with two kids and that you ?doubt that she would be happy about me masturbating and orgasming with random strangers in chat-sessions?.? and that you ?know, you couldn't live without her for more than a few days? to quote yourself.

Now that would be my HUGE, REAL reason to WANT to quit if I were in your shoes.

If your wife, on the other hand, finds out and don?t mind at all that you have an addiction to have webcam-sex with random women - then it?s not a negative consequence of your addiction, for her a least.

I'm sorry, but this is the reality of your situation, as I see it.

And oh, I?m on day 5 in my recovery. (I did write that in my post, but you probably just missed it). And let me be clear, I?m not focused on counting days or competing in who can stay clean the longest. I?m here to leave my internet porn addiction for good because I'm not willing to live with the negative consequences of it.

 

[chat-addict]

AndyM : I am fully aware that a lot of guys on this forum suffer A LOT more than I do from this addiction.
I have:
- a great marriage
- wonderful kids
- I am doing great at my job.
- I have good friends.

Some of you suffer from loneliness, PIED and so on - I really, really wish the best to ALL OF YOU. I understand that you have so much more to fight for than I do.

And... ironically enough it's a trigger for me: When I feel then temptations I might think: Even though I relapse I still have a great life..... I do not need to quit in order to have normal sex.... Therefore there is no reason NOT to relapse.....

---

Andy : You say that I should do this for my wife. I know that you are right. As a matter of fact you are right about almost everything you write - and it means a lot to me....

My wife certainly deserves that I quit this habbit.

But doing it ONLY for her is not going to work for me: If she would annoy me about some minor, unimportant detail that would cause me to relapse. If I feel the temptation and the urge, and she annoys me about something really not important, that is an instant relapse for me.... We're talking REALLY small things here - like she's going to bed early because she's tired. I know that I sound like a spoiled child, but it's how it would be.. Maybe I'm a spoiled child because she is so perfect and patient.....

So you are right: She deserves that I quit my addiction - but if I do it only for her I will relapse sooner or later. So I need to do this for my own sake. Because I WANT TO. And I do. I do want to explore what's on the other side of those 90 days. But I need to do it because I WANT to.

To all of you who suffer a lot more than I do from your addiction: You can do it. You have a lot to fight for. I may not have that much to fight for - but I fight with you anyway

 

[chat-addict]

Today is day 5
I'm doing great. No temptations so far.

- The sky is blue (it really is, I'm not just being poetic!)
- my wife is lovely.
- I'm leaving my computer at work right now, and won't come back until tuesday.
- I have an iPad at home that I can use. My addiction is sex-chat that requires FLASH so it is not possible on an iPad/iPhone.
- When I feel an urge I will watch Gary Wilson's video "The great porn experiement" and that will make my urge fade.
- I will keep reading through WILLIAM's long, long thread.
- I will post something on this forum every day. It may not be in this thread, because I may not have something relevant to say, but in that case I am going to post in somebody else's journal..

Today is day 5 - it's nothing to be proud of.
But I WANT TO QUIT.
I want to learn how life is on the other side of this addiction. I've felt the improvements of being 2-3 weeks clean - but I have yet to discover life with my brain re-balanced.
Today is day 5
See you

 

[chat-addict]

Enough Now -> Everything?s fine and no harm done Thx for writing anyway!

It?s 2:55 am. I can?t sleep. My wife kept me awake by coughing... (I feel sorry for her!) I finally moved from our bedroom to the sofa... this means that I am less then 10 ft away from my computer - and the urge right now is uncontrollable.

It?s just.... that my computer is NOT in my home office. I left it at work last night.. I am so happy about that right now. If it was here, I?d relapse right now. I just know I would.

AndyM -> I?m sorry for claiming that I could do this on willpower alone. Right now I would not be able to.. I just know that.

I know how great it feels to be 2-3 weeks free of all this.
I?ve yet to learn what?s beyond a reboot - what?s on the other side of a rebalanced brain. I want to go there. But right now I just new that I would relapse if I had the computer here with me.

Right now I realize HOW hard this is going to be. And that I need to make this reboot my 1st priority in any thinkable way. It may be that I just have to leave my computer at work EVERY day. That would take away the opportunity to work home at night/weekend. That means less work done. But that might actually be healthy for me in many ways..

William says: ?Learn to love withdrawals?. So I guess that I should love how I feel right now?! Well, I try. This is awful. I may not get any sleep at all. That?s okay. I will just lie on the sofa and enjoy the fact that I cannot relapse because my laptop isn?t here. I want to be free.

 

[chat-addict]

Day 7
Today is the dreadful Monday.
It?s 9am and nobody comes home until 3:30 pm.

My laptop is at work.
We do have a laptop in the house (the family-computer) but last night I asked my wife and children to agree about a login-password that they know, but I don?t know. So I cannot login to this computer either.... I told them that I need to spend less time with computers - I did not tell them exactly what websites I need to avoid

I write this from an iPad - I cannot use an iPad to relapse, since a relapse requires Flash...

So here I am - alone in the house without a computer... It?s REALLY a relief. I have a long list of good things I could do - but right now I just feel bored an not interested in any of those things. I don?t really feel urge right now, but if I had my computer here I think I might relapse just out of boredom / lack of energy to do things.

What a freedom to leave my computer at work... It does give me some limitations towards getting work done. But I need to make quitting my addiction my #1 priority in everything I do - every single minute every single day. If that means less work done, so be it....

I know that I?ve written earlier that I will leave the computer at work from Sunday to Tuesday. I think, I?ll leave the computer at work every day for the next 3-4 months... Except if I know that I am REALLY going to need it for a specific purpose at home...

 

[Enough Now]

I have you on ignore.  I do not read your posts.  Delete them from my journal and focus on your own recovery.

 

[chat-addict]

DAY 8
I admit that 8 days is nothing to be proud of. It takes more than that.

But yesterday was a good day.
Urge really didn't strike me at all, maybe because i KNEW that I did not have access to a computer.
Instead I spent too much time surfing around different websites on my iPad (absolutely no P or P-substitutes - just the innocent stuff).
Since I agreed with my self that this reboot is my #1 priority it's okay. I did nothing wrong yesterday - but the hours could have been spent better. Excersiced, cleaned the house or something more meaningful.

Anyway:
I am going to leave my computer at work permanently in the time to come. How long? I don't know. And I do not need to know.
But it seems that urge is most likely to strike, if it is possible to relapse. If it's not possible to relapse the urge really isn't there...

I certainly cannot do the reboot without WILLPOWER. But even if I do have a lot of willpower it still may not be enough. There the computer stays at work....

I want for all of you to have a great day.

 

[chat-addict]

DAY 10

When I was 39 I promised myself to be "3-months-clean" on my 40th Birthday. I didn't make it.

I managed to go for 2 months before I relapsed. At that time, I didn't know as much about the addiction as I do now. I knew about the 90-days reboot, but I hadn't read as much and prepared myself as much as I have now.
I think that part of the problem is that I continued to watch regular P - I have never found myself addicted to P. But watching P would eventually throw me back into the chat-rooms that I am addicted to. Exactly like a P-substitute will throw you back to the real P-sites if that's your addiction.

In my former attempts to reboot I have just felt the urge getting stronger and stronger, until I could no longer fight against it.

So this is what I need to do:
Whenever i feel the slightest urge I need to KNOCK IT DOWN immediately. I can do that by reading/writing on RN and by watching Gary Wilson's "The Great Porn Experiment" on the front-page of RN.

But I need to act AS SOON as I feel a little urge. If I just let the little urge grow it will be impossible to control.

 

[prideandhonor]

Hi Chat addict;

I completely agree with you on that part. Some one here had said that a relapse begins in the mind. I totally get that. I think this is what is termed as "edging", where one begins to probably edge towards porn or porn substitutes in the mind, perhaps some soft core stuff, some advertisements, some social media etc. In your case, as you mentioned, you edge with porn, which would eventually lead to a full relapse via chat rooms.

I have told myself the very same thing that you have. Kill the thought at the very beginning. I keep a copy of Gary Wilson's book, which I browse when the thought strikes.

DO well and god bless!!

 

[chat-addict]

Day 15

This is horrible. Every single part of me wants to go right back to the chatrooms.
Right after my last relapse I was so convinced that I could quit on willpower alone. That?s just not going to happen.

I leave my computer at work all the time. If I had it here with me I would relapse any time...

Some days ago I went for a walk. I kept asking myself: How do I overcome this addiction? Answer: I honestly don?t know.  Until this answer suddenly hit me: ?By not visiting those websites?.

Question: How do I overcoem the addiction?`
Answer: By staying away from the sites I am addicted to.

It?s really that simple - yet extremely hard....
I am really struggling at the moment. I need to get over the next 10 days - then I will be on vacation for one week - and I will be away from home and probably not thinking too much about the websites. When the vacation is over I will be one month clean. I really hope things will be easier then...

 

[chat-addict]

Day 19

I am 2/3 through the hackbook about how to overcome P-addiction without willpower... by the forum member ?Le petit Monster?
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?PHPSESSID=ee44cdc1ac9e09a7a0826fd66dcf3b12&topic=11997.0

I must say that this book sort a lot of things out in my mind. Even my mind is still... a wilderness of non-compatible thoughts. Part of me still feels that I deserve to relapse....

The book states, that if only we could see what?s it like to be 3-weeks clean then we?d never go back. Well, I?m on day 19 - I?m almost there.... And still feel huge cravings that would cause relapse if I were not so consistent about leaving my computer at work...

But then I stopped and tried to think about it. The urges really aren?t THAT bad... I think the habit of relapsing is more of a problem right now.

 

[seneca]

Stay strong CA. I?m at 21 today and feel no different than yesterday.  The fight just continues.  But you owe it to your wife and family.  Be the best husband you can be.