Desperado comes to his senses ...

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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 6.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
It's been quiet, no immense urges, but I have been busy with caring for my wife post knee surgery.  The few times anything has tried to enter my mind I swiftly bat it down and rebuke satan in Jesus name, harshly.  This all boils down to a battle of thoughts, a battle in the mind, if you earnestly and consistently take your thoughts captive it is a battle that can be one.  Consistency is the key and that's the kicker, if you try and play with the slightest thought, either fantasy or memory, just once, it could and often does destroy a streak.  I hate streaks, I want to be one and done, but practicing self control in many areas is a problem for me and I confess that.  Thats also the reason for my water fast, I need to take control, master my sins and stop living passively.

Later
 
I

IWantToLive

Active Member
Good of you to make yourself busy for a worthy cause.

That's what love is all about, taking care of your spouse when they need care.

I am a foodie so can't imagine doing a water fast but my best wishes to you on that front as well.

I think I sense an old friend of mine E....man in you, but that may be just me hallucinating :)

Keep going strong!
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
IWantToLive said:
Good of you to make yourself busy for a worthy cause.

That's what love is all about, taking care of your spouse when they need care.

I am a foodie so can't imagine doing a water fast but my best wishes to you on that front as well.

I think I sense an old friend of mine E....man in you, but that may be just me hallucinating :)

Keep going strong!
Click to expand...
You got me.  Just can't stay away.
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 7.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 7th day PMO FREE, the same length of time as my last fall.  Today I do feel some physical urges, havent had many mental attacks, but I am aware of my junk today.  I'm 3 days from my first goal of 10 days and I'm excited to be this close.  In conjunction with my water fasting I've begun reminding myself that success means acknowledging that, to achieve what I want I have to accept the fact that,

"I will feel some pain, I will be uncomfortable at times and I must master my urges." 

This is the price I must pay for all the pleasure I have stolen.  In my mind I imagine that a normal brain is like an apartment with a flat floor all the way across.  A man stands on one side of the room and assorted temptations are on the other and as long as you stay on your side the temptations have minimal pull.  Every time I have given in to the temptations the floor tilted a little bit that way and with each progressive indulgence the floor has titled that much more.  Over time I have become inclined to just drift towards the temptations, drawn by naturally by gravity and thus that side of the room becoming the easiest place to be.  Now I'm attempting to get back to the other side of the room, but the re-leveling of the room isn't an instant happening.  It takes time and effort to stay at the top edge of the room where I want to be as I wait on the room to return to level.  My use of "Pluckeye" is like me lashing myself to the wall so when my arms get weak and my resistance wears thin, my pluckeye safety harness holds me safely at the top edge of the room while I rest and regain my footing.

Later

P.S.

Something else I've discovered in using "PLUCKEYE", when I set it up I told it which websites were to be blocked and I only allowed my self to go to the sites I use to pay bills, the sites I do my work thru and RN.  What i forgot were the other message boards and news sites I frequent which I'm currently blocked out of.  What I've discovered is that I must be addicted to them in some way as I found myself at times getting frustrated when I want to go there and can't.  So happy side effect is I'm cleaning house in other ways I hadn't planned.
 
C

Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 8.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 8th day PMO FREE, I've surpassed my previous fall of 7 days.  Yesterday I had some urges, some random thoughts, but stayed the course.  Whether you want to argue its just my brain messing with me or satan tempting me, I don't care, I say its both.  I'm so glad I am using pluckeye this time, it really helps during my weaker moments.  Follow me, this way to the exit.

Later 
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
seneca said:
Congratulations Cage.  A victory or your future.
Click to expand...
Thank you, Victory in deed.

Day 9.1

Male
47
254.7
128/81
87

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 9th day PMO FREE.  Calm and quiet as I approach my first goal of 10 days.  Taking care of my wife, driving her to appointments has left me little time to even ponder PMO, much less to pursue it.  Pluckeye is a God send, it just works.  Follow me, this way to the exit.

Later

P.S.
  As I sit here working this morning I'm having a growing sensation, a complete bodily urge, a desire, a need to have sex.  I know the thing to do is move my thoughts else where, but that is proving difficult.  I'm glad that Pluckeye is keeping me from indulging in the sensual substitute that is PMO, but man I feel 17 right now, just raw sexual impulsiveness.  In some ways its nice to feel so virile, but its a scary and dangerous feeling too if it got outta hand.  I feel very confident and alive, a grand feeling of invigoration.  Anyway I just thought I'd share my status.
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 10.1

Male
47

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 10th day PMO FREE.  This was my first goal I wanted to reach, 10 days.  Yesterday came in like a lamb and by lunch was a roaring lion as you can read by the 'P.S." i added later on yesterday.  It was tough, my mind was screaming for satisfaction from anywhere, but with the help of God and my trusty "Pluckeye" I reached my first personal hurdle.  The next leg is 10 more days making 20 PMO FREE!  My attempted water fast has been hit & miss, but I've learned several do's & don'ts and will continue to try and get it off the ground.

Later


 
joepanic

joepanic

Respected Member
Keep Going Cage  10  days is a great start  small victory  and it takes many small victories to win the war  Always take a moment to congratulate yourself  on them so you remember why your here and you can look forward to the next one

    Fight the good fight and post often it helps me it helps you
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 11.1

Male
47

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 11th day Post-PMO.  Today is my first time being 10+ days post-PMO in quite a while.  I had several strings of 7 to 10 days, but day 10 had been the wall for the last 3-4 months.  Today started quiet, but I'm seriously feeling the pull, to be gut level honest I just want it...  I suppose its just one level of my brain struggling with the other, for so long I've let the impulses rule me and today they are raising hell with the bars on their cells.  My "Pluckeye" is the only thing keeping me straight, without it I would've wasted most of this day surfing and wanking for sure.  I think I'm gonna go out for a bit and clear my head, just sitting here trying to work, gritting my teeth and white knuckling my desk, is proving unproductive.

Later


 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 20...

Male
47

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 20th day straight being Post-PMO.  Today is my first time being 20 days post-PMO in a very long while.  My journey has not been smooth or as consistent as I want it to be.  Someone once told me when I had a stumble before that I'd quit when my brain was ready, when I was ready, I'd quit.  Well here I am, 20 days out and I have NOT PMO'd a single time, which is big for me.  I can't say I haven't stolen a peek here and there, but when I did, I didn't enjoy it and quickly became disgusted and shut if down.  To some and even myself in days past these peeks would constitute a complete reset, but on the advice of some other men wiser than me, I'm cutting myself some slack.  I feel so much better, I'm more productive and want to do more.  My wife is recovering well from her surgery but still not back at work.  Our finances are looking up as I was finally able to secure a debt refinance loan.  And the remodeling of the house we are moving into, is going well.  God is good and loving and forgiving, but we must also forgive ourselves, we will never be perfect this side of heaven.  I've been doing quite a bit of bible study and listening to Dr Michael S Heiser, he really helped me get my mind right and under stand the bible better.

Later


 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 25...

Male
47

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is my 25th day straight being Post-PMO.  It's been well over a year since I've been this far w/o dropping the ball and relapsing.  I highly recommend using "Pluckeye" its really made the difference in me having success.  The sex I have now with my wife is mind blowing and in contradiction to popular thoughts, NOT MO'ing is actually helping me have better control and earth shattering orgasm's.  Due to my wifes continuing recovery from knee surgery our activity hasn't been as frequent as we'd like, but what we have had is indescribable.  I never want to go back to how I was before, trading bliss for the "pig in a poke" of porn.  I will confess the occasional thought dropping by to tempt me, but its getting easier to let that go.  Porn makes the promise of getting to, "Have your cake and eat it too", but what we get is stale toast and moldy left overs.  Ditch the P, The M and The O, give yourself wholly and completely to your partner and no one or no thing else, return to the bride of your youth.

Later


 
DavS

DavS

Active Member
I'm on day two rebooting. Grateful to Gabe and Noah Church for the hope I will succeed this time.
 
DavS

DavS

Active Member
I'm 63 and I've suffered with interest porn almost since it began in the '90s. I've quit and relapsed several times. I want to reclaim the sexual self I had before internet porn addicted me. My plan is to build on my commitment to be done with it, go through reboot for as long as it takes, and organize my life to support that commitment.
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Daveosh said:
I'm 63 and I've suffered with interest porn almost since it began in the '90s. I've quit and relapsed several times. I want to reclaim the sexual self I had before internet porn addicted me. My plan is to build on my commitment to be done with it, go through reboot for as long as it takes, and organize my life to support that commitment.
Click to expand...
Congrats on making that commitment, its a bold and great first step.  Build your defenses, work on replacement habits and know that the temptations will come at you just have a plan in place to deal with them.  My "Dance with the Devil" began much earlier in life, I was 8.  My best friend who lived across the street introduced me to it.  His father had a vast library of porn tucked away in a private room in their basement where we could get lost for hours.  After that my dance continued thru puberty as access increased with cable TV and VHS, I even wrote my own pornographic stories and documented the sexual exploits of a girl I was friends with.  I made efforts from time to time to leave it and at times I was successful for periods of time, but it always came back around.  I hoped once I married I could drop it, but instead I coerced my wife into watching with me, which I profoundly regret.  The advent of the internet made it even more easy to access my drug of choice, then with smart phones and tablets being the final steps in providing mobile access at anytime and any place.  I've committed myself to quitting many times, but my longest run was 120+ days last year.  Since then its been an ongoing cycle of restarts every 10-20 days, until this week.  I can not recommend PLUCKEYE(Google it) highly enough, I plan to stay with it for at least a year, maybe more.
 
DavS

DavS

Active Member
Thank you so much for responding. I think this is an underground epidemic. I got hooked on Internet porn like a drug. It helps to reach out to others who want to fight this. I'll check out the pluckeye. Still, I fell the commitment is the most important part. The commitment has to be reaffirmed every day, and anything that interferes with my commitment has to be dealt with immediately. Again, thank you for the help, it means a lot to me right now.
 
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Cage Faraday

Guest
Day 30...

Male
47

Status:
I quit PMO


Notes: 
Today is day 30 Post-PMO.  30 days ago reaching this point seemed light years away with so many falls and disappointments.  It feels good, still using my "Pluckeye" for weak moments but those are getting further and further apart.  1/3 the way to my 2nd official reboot and I feel pretty good.  I've tried doing a water fast earlier on with limited success so I put it off till I felt like I had better footing and today is that day.  Today I'm starting my "Water ONLY" fast in conjunction with my ongoing reboot.  I don't post here everyday on purpose as I'm trying not to focus on rebooting and just focusing on living better, fuller and letting the reboot just happen.  Making the days count instead of just, counting the days.  Also I have attracted the attention of a troll that only PM's, no journal, no posts.  You may have heard from him too, first he was "Joselang" then this weekend he reappeared as, "Daverebel215".  I copied his messages and sent them to the moderator as well as adding him to my "Ignore list".  I advise y'all do the same, we don't need idiots distracting from guys getting help.

Later


 
DavS

DavS

Active Member
  Your advice and support for this community is really appreciated.
  A month seems like a very long time to me right now.
  It interesting that you're fasting, a healing experience on many levels. I lost all appetite when this started, but that was shock and depression.
 
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