Furious with myself- Help required

[a.n.other]

Couldn't really more angry/upset with myself, so at least I can be a warning to others.

Recovering from PIED, today was my 70th day free from PMO. This streak was (hopefully is) hard mode at my very first attempt. I've noticed so much progress, some of the superpowers that are talked about as well as considerable return to normality from my old pal.

Lord knows why I did it, I can't even explain my logic to you. I think I just wanted to test it, but maybe it was to make me feel normal. I had a hard-on, and I decided to put a condom on, and literally just the pressure of it resulted in me O'ing. I felt like all the benefits, the confidence, the testosterone and the progress just left with that one mistake. It feels like 70 days of progress thrown away by some stupid decision. 20 days from the 90 I made an error.

So before I ask my questions I want to be a warning- Please don't do anything like I did, even if its not the same circumstance. Whether its just looking at that one picture, or just touching it slightly- stay away from it. Don't undo what you've been working on.

What I now need to ask-

Firstly- How much progress have I undone? I would like to clarify that I didn't M when this happened, and there was no stimulation from P or anything at all close, there was no screen around me when it happened. But obviously I O'd.

Secondly- is it necessarily a bad thing? The circumstances under which it happened suggest I was clearly pent up in that sense and it took not much to trigger it?

Thirdly- Can I still say count my streak for P+M? Being a PIED problem, my issue has always been with these two and not O- strictly I am still clean from those for 70 days onwards in that sense.

Finally- Does anyone have any idea of the impact on the rest of my life? I was noticing real benefits in both training and my confidence, will those be gone now or will my testosterone remain at the higher levels I've been enjoying..

If you can answer anything or offer any advice that would be a massive help, I'm fairly distraught. And one last time for all reading, please don't make the mistake I did.

Good luck all x

 

[Jz15]

dude the moment you rely to reboot for superpowers...to a friend's or a girl's company for loneliness...to a nice car for confidence.. you really lose the whole picture. I am also waiting for a damn boner to actually put a condom on because I never used one before, and dont want look like a fucking idiot, never got that far with a girl because I was totally numb and I am 23...

70 days hard mode means you are smart and strong Ive binged since last May never beyond 1 month clean.

It also shows that your sensitivity is like a 12 year old again....really can't see a problem other than insecurities flaring up.

 

[malando]

It really does no good to exaggerate this incident. You just have to get back on the horse and keep going. Be mindful that this all-or-nothing thinking (discounting all your success because of one moment) is the thing you need to work on if you want to quit forever. It shows that you are still affected in your thinking and the grip that P has on you. You have more work to do to get some perspective on yourself and life. All-or-nothing thinking is dangerous because it can easily give you permission to go right into a full-blown relapse - "If I screwed up this much, I might as well screw up big time". There is a reasoning in there that it might be enjoyable to have a relapse and there is usually some background thought that you'll do it for a week or something, and then get back to the reboot. Be VERY careful of these voices. They will seduce you into breaking all the standards you set for yourself.

Accept that you made a mistake. It's not a huge mistake by reboot standards - you didn't watch P or go on an extended spree. If you can get over this and get over yourself, and get back to what you were doing, you'll be fine and you won't have any lasting effects. Don't blow this up. It's that simple.

 

[FritzBrause]

The author of the french paper referenced here differentiates between active and passive masturbation. Passive masturbation being harmful to erectile performance, as the penis is stimulated without prior erection. Active masturbation, where an erection precedes any manual stimulation is suggested to be helpful in reaccustoming the brain to normal sexual function.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/male-masturbation-habits-and-sexual-dysfunctions-2016

tl;dr

Don't sweat it and don't binge now and you will be fine.

 

[a.n.other]

dude the moment you rely to reboot for superpowers...to a friend's or a girl's company for loneliness...to a nice car for confidence.. you really lose the whole picture. I am also waiting for a damn boner to actually put a condom on because I never used one before, and dont want look like a fucking idiot, never got that far with a girl because I was totally numb and I am 23...

70 days hard mode means you are smart and strong Ive binged since last May never beyond 1 month clean.

It also shows that your sensitivity is like a 12 year old again....really can't see a problem other than insecurities flaring up.

Looking back at this with hindsight it was definitely dramatic, but I do feel you were a bit harsh on me here. When you go so long I don't think it was unreasonable to feel how I did.

That being said mate I went and I am going through some of the same emotions you seem to be. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything, it isn't easy

 

[a.n.other]

dude the moment you rely to reboot for superpowers...to a friend's or a girl's company for loneliness...to a nice car for confidence.. you really lose the whole picture. I am also waiting for a damn boner to actually put a condom on because I never used one before, and dont want look like a fucking idiot, never got that far with a girl because I was totally numb and I am 23...

70 days hard mode means you are smart and strong Ive binged since last May never beyond 1 month clean.

It also shows that your sensitivity is like a 12 year old again....really can't see a problem other than insecurities flaring up.

Thanks for this help and the article man, it helped a lot. in hindsight I overreacted but given the time frame I felt like a failure and I was angry for how dumb the manner in which it happened was. All the best with you pal x
Looking back at this with hindsight it was definitely dramatic, but I do feel you were a bit harsh on me here. When you go so long I don't think it was unreasonable to feel how I did.

That being said mate I went and I am going through some of the same emotions you seem to be. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything, it isn't easy

 

[WoundedSparrow]

This will effect you only as much as you let it. If you make yourself cum, your brain will only want more. Double your efforts and stay strong.