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DIMA-NBA

Member
squid said:
Really great progress man!  I like the details in your post.  That's smart, writing it out helps you to process the thoughts. 


So shortly after giving up the online world, I find myself having a great time surrounded by cool people. Was it a coincidence?I don't think so. It was a step in the right direction. I thanked my friend for sharing the ''Nosurf'' idea with

This is a very interesting idea, I might try it!
Thanks for the support dude, I appreciate that!
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-03
I met up with Ray - my brother in this fight a few times more. Every time we talked it was beneficial, we talked about the root causes of addiction. It was pain.

I was eating more junk food than usual. At least I helped my mate make some gains in the gym. We started going going to the gym 4 times a week and we were having great training sessions. I usually train by myself so it was good to have gym partner.

In my mind porn addiction thrives in secrecy. It's easy to say to yourself ''It doesn't matter if I watch porn, nobody is going to know''. I put an end to that secret by telling Ray. I decided to take it a step further and tell someone else I trusted. I told a very close friend of mine about my addiction. We knew each other back from university. I'm glad I did, it's not an easy talk to have, admitting your shortcomings. He was very understanding and listened to me - that's all I needed from him.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-04
Three months without porn.

Since I was qualified as gym instructor I was hoping to get a job in a gym. Unfortunately there weren't many positions available and I had allowed that to discourage me. In April, I decided it was time for a change. I accepted that I couldn't do what I wanted to do for a living so I swallowed my pride and signed up at an agency so they can find me any job.

I started working in a automotive warehouse. I was glad I had that job. I got listening to Jordan Peterson on my way to work. I fully resonate with what he is saying and I think he is sending a great message to young people. Jordan Peterson is a clinical psychologist and a professor at university who has a lot of vids of his lectures on YouTube. He helped me when I was at my darkest moments.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-05
Four months without porn.

Mostly working and training. My workouts with my gym buddy got better and better. The intensity was there, we were pushing each other. He got stronger. We got close. He told me about a mental illness he dealed with and I decided to continue to trend of telling my close friends about my addiction. I told him, he listened to me and he even said he had tried to limit his porn use at times.

My gym buddy graduated from University and left the country. He was very pleased with how I trained him. We still keep in touch.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-06

5 Months without porn. I set some fitness goals and I started gradually losing weight. I went to play basketball a lot. Basketball was great for me because I could meet people on the court and be active at the same time. But above all it was the human contact.

I realised that my hobbies have been a big help in keeping me on the right path. I bought some boxing gloves a few months back and after each workout I would go on the punching bag and let out any anger I had in me. I recorded videos and kept them for myself so I can see what I can improve on boxing-wise.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-07

6 Months without porn.

I made some friends at work and I felt good working there regardless of the low pay. I had a laugh with a few guys every day.

Mid July I learned that the company had to downsize and they had to let go all the agency workers including me.

That same week I had bought a basketball and went to play more often now that I didn't depend on anyone to have a ball or to go at a specific time.

I took a kick to the ego starting a temporary job as cleaner which ironically was better paid than the more prestige looking automotive industry job. Anyways I worked there for about 2 weeks until I went on my holiday which was planned months in advance.

I went back to my home country for 3 weeks. It felt great to see my family again, some of my hometown and high school friends. I exercised with my mom and helped her stay active, helped her with small things I could do for her.

I had a hard time sleeping as I had worked nightshift the weeks before. On my 2nd day back I told my dad about my addiction to pornography. Shortly after, I told my mom as well. I told them I've stayed away from porn for 6 months now.They responded well, my dad agreed with a few of the points I made against pornography. It was a tough talk to have but it needed to be done. Telling some of my friends about my addiction made it easier to share with my family.

A few days passed since I told my parents about my addiction. I was low on sleep and I felt strong unrest when going to bed. I could barely sleep 2-3 hours per night. It was horrible. I also catched myself being angrier than usual. I felt very sad and grim.

One day, underslept and possibly overtrained, I was feeling like shit. I went into an empty room, locked the door, I needed some time to myself. I played some music on my headphones. I felt sadness, I cried, I allowed myself - ''better to get that emotion out'' - I thought.

I cried for a significant amount of time, but I think I knew what it was for. It was because I felt alone in my fight. I told my parents but they don't know a whole lot about addiction. I felt alone in my struggle: ''I'm alone'' I repeated to myself as I cried.

It's good to het those emotions out , but rationally thinking about it, my parents aren't obliged to help me. They are not therapists or psychologists and they don't have to help me. I am 21 years old. I'm responsible for my own health, physical and mental.

It took a lot to tell them what I'm dealing with. Did I do the right thing by telling them? I suppose on a subconscious level my brain was doubting it. I'm sure I made the right decision to share it. I need to be strong.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2019-08

7 Months without porn.

During my holiday I meditated a lot and at one point I had a realisation. I'm a good person. I helped out my friends and family with getting their fitness on track, they see results and that makes me feel great. That put a smile on my face.

I got back to the UK and as I was in between jobs, I played basketball A LOT. I met a few people and one of those guys became close to me in a very short time. We competed hard against each other and I loved that.

I set a goal: to be able to dunk. I was able to achieve that. That felt great.

I got a job in a mail company doing 5 12-hour nightshifts. For like the past year I've been wanting to get a job with 60 or more hours per week just to see how I would take it.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
2024-10

I haven't written here in a looong time, I had totally forgotten about this great place. It felt good to look back in time in my journal so that I can see what I'm capable of. Well, I was able to stay off pornography (while still mastrubating to online videos which were non-nude) for about 8-9 months in a row ( 2 more months after my previous post). Afterwards it quickly went downhill. It being 5 years ago, I don't remember details during the time 2019-2024 I haven't had much success in the fight against this addiction/dependancy, time sure does fly by. Cut to now, October 2024, I have't been able to stay off PMO even though I managed to get in a serious relationship with a girl I met on the street. I'm 26 years old now and my social skills have improved a lot (meeting girls has become easier) through years of PUA, while still being authentic.

It's highly concerning that when I was single and had no sexual outlet - no girlfriend, no friends with benefits, no one night stands, nothing for years, I used to think that if I get a girl, with who I can have sex 2 times per week, I'd be able to stay off porn. That didn't turn out to be the case, because I got a fuck buddy and I even had instances where I knew I'd see her and I'd still PMO the same day, just a couple of hours before the date.

Then, I thought if I had a serious girlfriend, I'd forget about porn, because I'd be having sex like 4-5 times a week. Same outcome, I have a serious girlfriend now, we had our 1 year anniversary this month, but no success in staying away from PMO. During the last year and a half I've had maybe 3-4 instances where I was PMO free for 2-3 weeks. That's nothing compared to where I was in summer of 2018.

Unfortunately, I have dropped most of my healthy habits - I no longer go the gym, meditate, I very rarely go on long walks. My physique has suffered a lot, I used to be fit at around 90-95 kilograms at 1.80 meters tall, but now I'm close to 130 kilograms. I want to be super transperant. This community and this journal is my outlet.

I think in the last few months I've cried more than I have in the 5 years before that. I've cried at the work toilet. I'm trying to have an objective view about this.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
I PMO-ed a few hours ago. It's been a long time that I have neglected this aspect of my life. I think I know what I need to do in order to get a kick start in my life, including freedom, at least initial.

I need to do the exercises for strengthening my feet, because as of right now just fast paced walking is painful. If I manage to do the exercises for a few days in a row, I'll be able to go to another boxing workout. I have been physically inactive for like half an year. Last week I went to this boxing gym, I had a great beginner workout from which I had muscle soreness on my calf for a few days.

If I manage to get in rhythm with the workouts, meditation, long walks, being social, being productive at work, I think things are going to be a whole lot more attainable with regards to staying away from PMO.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 1 without pornography or masturbation went well, I was busy throughout the day. I was underslept on about 3 hours of sleep and drove the car for about 4-5 hours so I was tired and I went on social media, of course my explore page on Instagram is to a big degree full of provocative content. I thought about PMO but I didn't give in, because I knew I was meeting with my girlfriend later that day and we had sex, all good.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 2 without PMO

🚶‍♂️I met with a good friend, we walked a lot and had a great time. I hit my daily steps goal.

:sleep: I slept well the night before, I felt recovered and ready to go during the day.

🎬 One of my closest friends had recommended me a movie, I watched it recently and I'm glad I did because it had a big impact on me. It made me realise what can happen if I let my addiction control me. The movie is about addictions and how they can effect people. The movie is called Requiem for a dream. I hope I didn't spoil it.

:) I believe I'm lucky, thankful and grateful for the great people I have around me - my girlfriend and close friends. I've read some journals in this forum and I found that some wives and girlfriends aren't always supportive if they found out their man uses PMO. I'm happy that my girlfriend is understanding of my situation. I shared with her about my addiction early on in our relationship.

🏆Small win: Yesterday night, after meeting and being intimate with my girl, I went back home and I felt exhausted around 2am. I thought about porn but I reminded myself that I'm keeping a journal here, that held me accountable and I didn't PMO.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
👎 I relapsed yesterday. It really sucks. I did it regardless of the fact I was going to meet up with my girlfriend just a few hours later. I was feeling boredom and didn't know what to do about it. I had sex with her, then we had a fight, argument and we haven't resolved it yet. I PMO-ed again after I returned from my gf.

👍 I quit my job maybe 3 months ago and it has been tough finding the job I prefer in the current economy. I did find a sales job with which I've been told I'll start in like 10 days, but we haven't signed any documents yet. I hope they are trustworthy and hopefully when I start there, the circumstances will be better for me to make more progress in my recovery.

📘 I remember reading the book by Gary Wilson - "Your Brain On Porn" back in 2018, and I remember that addicts need more and more extreme content in order to get the same dopamine as before, that's definately true for me. That's what is really fucked up, I watch genres of P that I'm ashamed to admit.

Right now I'm feeling under the weather, I will take some medicine.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 1

(y) Yesterday I felt like shit but I didn't PMO. I run some errands. I called some friends to get some perspective on the conflict I had with my gf, but they weren't available right then. I was really sad. In the evening, my gf asked me if I want to meet up. I thought about it for a moment, but I met up with her and we were able to resolve the conflict.

🖥️ My PC on which I've been watching porn recently, has some problem with the operating system, which I guess can be a positive thing because as of right now, I can't use it to PMO.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Day 2

I managed to stay away from pornography, but I did look at provocative photos on social media.

Day 3

I picked up where I left off yesterday, looked at provocative photos again on social media. I watched porn.

Day 1
Even yesterday I watched pornography until the last minute when I had to leave to meet my gf. It's sad sharing my failures here, but this addiction has been present in my life for a loong time and it won't stop existing in my life all of a sudden, especially if I'm not putting in effort, however I consider even keeping track on here of how I'm doing in this battle, as a small win.

I spoke with an old accountability partner about this topic, that was depressing, but it is the reality right now and I have to start from somewhere. We agreed to speak more often to keep accountable and share ideas on dealing with PMO.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @DIMA-NBA, I think just showing up here is a big step, and shows that you really care about getting rid of this shit habit. All we can do is get back on the horse and keep riding. What are some things that make you fall off? Negative emotions, anxiety, boredom? Or just something the addicted part of the brain tells you to do without thinking about it? These are all good questions to think about on this journey. To see the patterns and connect the dots is really one of the first steps, at least it was for me.

Today is another day. One day at a time.

Best.
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Hey @DIMA-NBA, I think just showing up here is a big step, and shows that you really care about getting rid of this shit habit. All we can do is get back on the horse and keep riding. What are some things that make you fall off? Negative emotions, anxiety, boredom? Or just something the addicted part of the brain tells you to do without thinking about it? These are all good questions to think about on this journey. To see the patterns and connect the dots is really one of the first steps, at least it was for me.

Today is another day. One day at a time.

Best.
Hey Blondie, thank you for the valuable input and important questions you raised! I believe negative emotions and boredom are big triggers for me, as well as my social media feed, there's a lot of sexually provocative content on there. I thought about removing all social media from my phone, I've done that in the past, however I'm not sure I want to do it, on some level if I remove Instagram, where there are the most temptations, I think I'd feel disconnected from my gf and friends who send me reels on there. That being said, obviously social media is doing me more bad than good.

Perhaps I could limit myself to x amount of minutes per day on there, but the provocative photos and videos would be enough even for a split second to get my mind going in the wrong direction. Given that I've been out of rhythm for quite some time regarding staying away from this habit, do you have some advice/tips for me? Back 2018, when I had almost 3 months of no PMO, I used to meditate daily and go on long walks in the park which made me feel present in the moment and in touch with nature. Nowadays I can't seem to get back into these healthy habits.
 

Blondie

Respected Member
Hey @DIMA-NBA, those are some good questions.

In my opinion, the biggest thing to get you back in the race and moving again is to go a little extreme at first, just to get you past those bumps in the road that we all experience when first giving porn up. Thus, I would suggest giving up Insta for a few months - if that's really your main culprit - and seeing what that could do for you. You could always explain to your GF and friends that you're taking a break for a few months, without going into the porn part if you don't want to, but just say you're taking a break from social media etc. Many people these days are doing that after realizing the problem of constantly looking at their screens all day. So, if you did or said that, it wouldn't be weird in of itself if you're worried about that. I would definitely get back into hiking/walking and meditating again if that worked in the past. You can't get over a habit if you don't replace it with something else, something better.

Just some ideas. We all have to do this our own way, but there can be real benefits to going extreme (if you can) for the first couple of months, because that's generally the hardest for most of us.

Best,
Blondie
 

DIMA-NBA

Member
Hey @DIMA-NBA, those are some good questions.

In my opinion, the biggest thing to get you back in the race and moving again is to go a little extreme at first, just to get you past those bumps in the road that we all experience when first giving porn up. Thus, I would suggest giving up Insta for a few months - if that's really your main culprit - and seeing what that could do for you. You could always explain to your GF and friends that you're taking a break for a few months, without going into the porn part if you don't want to, but just say you're taking a break from social media etc. Many people these days are doing that after realizing the problem of constantly looking at their screens all day. So, if you did or said that, it wouldn't be weird in of itself if you're worried about that. I would definitely get back into hiking/walking and meditating again if that worked in the past. You can't get over a habit if you don't replace it with something else, something better.

Just some ideas. We all have to do this our own way, but there can be real benefits to going extreme (if you can) for the first couple of months, because that's generally the hardest for most of us.

Best,
Blondie
Hey @Blondie cheers for those valuable tips, I deleted Instagram from my phone today and told a few people about it so they know how to reach me. Yesterday was Day 2 without pornography or masturbation. I have some virus that's been trying to bother me, the symptoms are a fever, fatigue and a seriously sore throat, my gf and I both have the same symptoms. I know when I'm sick I'm more prone to using PMO, but yesterday went fine without it.
 
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