Good morning sir:
I certainly could relate to your pain, anger and frustration when I read your blog this morning. This stuff robs us of so many things. For me two of the biggest issues are the loss of my self-respect and the belief that I am unworthy and incapable of doing good things in this world.
I was laying in bed with my wife the other evening and she was smiling at me. She looked so beautiful and I could see her love for me radiating off her face. I felt really sad and shitty because here is this woman that loves me so much and sees me as being a wonderful person, yet I have continued to sneak around behind her back to get my fix. I thought at the time "I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose her. I have a great life with this person. She stands behind me and supports me when life kicks me in the butt, supports my endeavours and wants to share her life with me. Don't mess this up!"
However, that experience has given me new resolve to keep up the fight and get away from this stuff. She is worth it and I am worth it. I need to hang on to the memory of that evening when things get hairy for me.
Recovering Objectifier gave me a good piece of advice the other day. It referred to putting a guard at the entrance to my brain in order to prevent destructive thoughts from entering. I believe that a thought simply pops into my head, however, I need to think of that thought as an unruly person standing at the entrance to my sanctuary. If I invite him/it inside and spend time entertaining the thought it will wreck the place. So... even though he/it is standing at the door I need to bar him/it from entering.
It's good to get angry over this stuff. It has robbed us of so many good things and we need to grieve the loss of those things. Additionally, the grieving will probably come and go at various times throughout our lives. That being said I think it's also important to strive for gratitude in recognition of the fact that the light has finally gone on for us and we are striving towards a better life, free of the shackles of porn addiction. We cannot replace what is gone but we can make our present and our future better.
Keep fightin' the good fight.
Survivor
I certainly could relate to your pain, anger and frustration when I read your blog this morning. This stuff robs us of so many things. For me two of the biggest issues are the loss of my self-respect and the belief that I am unworthy and incapable of doing good things in this world.
I was laying in bed with my wife the other evening and she was smiling at me. She looked so beautiful and I could see her love for me radiating off her face. I felt really sad and shitty because here is this woman that loves me so much and sees me as being a wonderful person, yet I have continued to sneak around behind her back to get my fix. I thought at the time "I don't want to lose this. I don't want to lose her. I have a great life with this person. She stands behind me and supports me when life kicks me in the butt, supports my endeavours and wants to share her life with me. Don't mess this up!"
However, that experience has given me new resolve to keep up the fight and get away from this stuff. She is worth it and I am worth it. I need to hang on to the memory of that evening when things get hairy for me.
Recovering Objectifier gave me a good piece of advice the other day. It referred to putting a guard at the entrance to my brain in order to prevent destructive thoughts from entering. I believe that a thought simply pops into my head, however, I need to think of that thought as an unruly person standing at the entrance to my sanctuary. If I invite him/it inside and spend time entertaining the thought it will wreck the place. So... even though he/it is standing at the door I need to bar him/it from entering.
It's good to get angry over this stuff. It has robbed us of so many good things and we need to grieve the loss of those things. Additionally, the grieving will probably come and go at various times throughout our lives. That being said I think it's also important to strive for gratitude in recognition of the fact that the light has finally gone on for us and we are striving towards a better life, free of the shackles of porn addiction. We cannot replace what is gone but we can make our present and our future better.
Keep fightin' the good fight.
Survivor