uncreatedlight
Active Member
Congratulations, newstart! I am so happy to hear that you are getting better. "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." You are changing!
New Culture Needed - Day 7 Now What?
- Thread starter newstart
- Start date
Day 20 - What a weekend. I'm getting better yes but I don't want to take for granted where I'm at in this journey. I was reminded today that I'm still sick. I came to this site and automatically typed my old go-to porn site. I didn't realize it until the page popped up and I was initially confused at what I was looking at. I saw the first page and closed up the window. Then I made it to here. Very weird, but combined with the fact that I stared at a lot of women this weekend I'm not surprised. My mind all weekend was on legs, tight jeans, yoga pants, boobs, low cut shirts, all of it.
I never M'd alone this weekend, but I so wanted to. I still want to today. I wanted to O so bad these last two days but my wife wasn't really into it, and I didn't have the guts to make a sex request. My rule in this reboot has been only O with my wife and what she wants is first priority. So to M by myself is out of the question for me. I think if I do, I will fantasize and it will trigger too much bad stuff with an end result of going to porn to help finish. I don't know where I'm going with this but in my head it is all connected. Part of what I'm doing on this journey is trying to disconnect fantasies from porn vs my real sex life and enjoy all that is good about real life.
RF, Bob, Light: Thanks guys for the encouragement! RF you made me laugh and made my day. I pray that each of you have a peace filled day.
I never M'd alone this weekend, but I so wanted to. I still want to today. I wanted to O so bad these last two days but my wife wasn't really into it, and I didn't have the guts to make a sex request. My rule in this reboot has been only O with my wife and what she wants is first priority. So to M by myself is out of the question for me. I think if I do, I will fantasize and it will trigger too much bad stuff with an end result of going to porn to help finish. I don't know where I'm going with this but in my head it is all connected. Part of what I'm doing on this journey is trying to disconnect fantasies from porn vs my real sex life and enjoy all that is good about real life.
RF, Bob, Light: Thanks guys for the encouragement! RF you made me laugh and made my day. I pray that each of you have a peace filled day.
Fappy
Respected Member
Good progress, and its a good rule to only O with your wife when shes up for it.
Maybe do something that would stir a desire for sex in your wife? Dont actually make a request like: excuse me, but may I indulge in sexual intercourse now? That might actually weird her out more than turn her on.
Some sensual massaging or erotic touching or even some sexually suggestive words may help. Or just go the traditional route and throw her over your shoulder and carry her off to a mind-blowing session of sexy sex. Women from time to time love being taken like that, however all women are slightly different so ill leave that up to you.
Would she be interested in watching you masturbate? Some women are into that.
Just do whatever turns her on, thats the only thing you can do I suppose
Maybe do something that would stir a desire for sex in your wife? Dont actually make a request like: excuse me, but may I indulge in sexual intercourse now? That might actually weird her out more than turn her on.
Some sensual massaging or erotic touching or even some sexually suggestive words may help. Or just go the traditional route and throw her over your shoulder and carry her off to a mind-blowing session of sexy sex. Women from time to time love being taken like that, however all women are slightly different so ill leave that up to you.
Would she be interested in watching you masturbate? Some women are into that.
Just do whatever turns her on, thats the only thing you can do I suppose
RF - You my friend are a breath of fresh air with your blunt and open comments. You are right and I don't think I could ever make a verbal formal request like you said, "can we have intercourse now?" I'm dying of laughter thinking of how my wife would react to that.
No, by request I did mean more along the lines of what you suggested. It's just life is working against making a moment where she feels ready for intimacy. Do we both want sex? Yes, but here is my challenge this week:
our kids are rotating their issues at bedtime for the last 5 days - exhausting the both of us
I just need a night where we aren't counseling or parenting until the late night hours. I just want a normal bedtime where all kids go to bed without a mood killing need from the parents. This is small potatoes and will subside, but in the moment I'm feeling like the O needs to come out NOW!!!
So I'm sitting at day 21 thinking do I treat myself to a quick MO? I know I can't because that is a double trigger to get to P for a finish (a finish that will probably last 2 hours and make me feel like an idiot when I'm done).
No, by request I did mean more along the lines of what you suggested. It's just life is working against making a moment where she feels ready for intimacy. Do we both want sex? Yes, but here is my challenge this week:
our kids are rotating their issues at bedtime for the last 5 days - exhausting the both of us
I just need a night where we aren't counseling or parenting until the late night hours. I just want a normal bedtime where all kids go to bed without a mood killing need from the parents. This is small potatoes and will subside, but in the moment I'm feeling like the O needs to come out NOW!!!
So I'm sitting at day 21 thinking do I treat myself to a quick MO? I know I can't because that is a double trigger to get to P for a finish (a finish that will probably last 2 hours and make me feel like an idiot when I'm done).
Fappy
Respected Member
Well done on 21 days!
As a family man it must be a challenge to make some sexy time with your wife. But as a good father (which Im sure you are), your children and the wellbeing of your wife takes precedence over any desire to pound her arse. And its like you said, she is most likely gagging for it too, so she is in the same boat. Its good that you have this mutual understanding, something which will have a sexy payout.
Its also great that in spite of wanting to O to your own hand, you recognize this as a potential trigger and deny yourself of it. You are spot on there, if it did lead to PMO youll just feel like a useless sack of horse shit when youre finished.
Just relax and enjoy the reboot!
As a family man it must be a challenge to make some sexy time with your wife. But as a good father (which Im sure you are), your children and the wellbeing of your wife takes precedence over any desire to pound her arse. And its like you said, she is most likely gagging for it too, so she is in the same boat. Its good that you have this mutual understanding, something which will have a sexy payout.
Its also great that in spite of wanting to O to your own hand, you recognize this as a potential trigger and deny yourself of it. You are spot on there, if it did lead to PMO youll just feel like a useless sack of horse shit when youre finished.
Just relax and enjoy the reboot!
RF - thanks those are kind words about me. You are right about feeling like horse shit and this is how messed up I am; sometimes I believe lies that I make up and I have to fight them.
My thoughts go like this about PMO:
"you'll only feel like a useless sack of horse shit for a little while"
"a useless sack of horse shit isn't always useless"
"how bad can it be to feel like horse shit"
"you've smelled horse shit, its not that bad"
"a clean horse smells nice"
"you like horses"
"that feeling of horse shit won't last long compared to the feeling of watching porn"
"I bet if you watched porn just a little while you won't even feel like horse shit at all"
"you will feel way better than horse shit if you just PMO NOW! NOW! NOW!"
That is in my mind almost constantly. I'm messed up.
But I do say 'almost constantly', if I can keep busy at work (and I'm busy - thank god), if I can run every other day, then it slows down these thoughts. When I'm listening to others and engaging in the conversation, then I can't think about PMO.
Anyways, that is all for now. I'm here this far because of this site and everyone here, thank you.
My thoughts go like this about PMO:
"you'll only feel like a useless sack of horse shit for a little while"
"a useless sack of horse shit isn't always useless"
"how bad can it be to feel like horse shit"
"you've smelled horse shit, its not that bad"
"a clean horse smells nice"
"you like horses"
"that feeling of horse shit won't last long compared to the feeling of watching porn"
"I bet if you watched porn just a little while you won't even feel like horse shit at all"
"you will feel way better than horse shit if you just PMO NOW! NOW! NOW!"
That is in my mind almost constantly. I'm messed up.
But I do say 'almost constantly', if I can keep busy at work (and I'm busy - thank god), if I can run every other day, then it slows down these thoughts. When I'm listening to others and engaging in the conversation, then I can't think about PMO.
Anyways, that is all for now. I'm here this far because of this site and everyone here, thank you.
Fappy
Respected Member
23 days! Nice one!
Yeah the brain will make up a whole bunch of lame excuses for watching porn.
I had some dooseys in my time, too:
`New studies suggest the entire universe is a hologram, so if nothing is actually real....then...
`
`Ill watch porn and see if I can NOT get excited by it. yeah! Thatll be like a test!`
`I already feel bad, how will I feel worse?`
`Ill pretend this is an educational film and Ill watch it for research purposes`
`She sort of looks like my wife, so Ill just imagine its my wife and it wont actually be porn`
`Im the smartest man alive... 8)`
Each and every one of them was a pathetic attempt by the addicted part of my brain to trick me into PMOing - and sadly they won everytime.
Pretty much if you feel its weird, then it probably is. Just think: its a trap! Youre getting stronger and are able to enjoy yourself more, thats agreat sign that youre winning! Just keep that up.
PS, this one was my favorite excuse:
Yeah the brain will make up a whole bunch of lame excuses for watching porn.
I had some dooseys in my time, too:
`New studies suggest the entire universe is a hologram, so if nothing is actually real....then...
``Ill watch porn and see if I can NOT get excited by it. yeah! Thatll be like a test!`
`I already feel bad, how will I feel worse?`
`Ill pretend this is an educational film and Ill watch it for research purposes`
`She sort of looks like my wife, so Ill just imagine its my wife and it wont actually be porn`
`Im the smartest man alive... 8)`
Each and every one of them was a pathetic attempt by the addicted part of my brain to trick me into PMOing - and sadly they won everytime.
Pretty much if you feel its weird, then it probably is. Just think: its a trap! Youre getting stronger and are able to enjoy yourself more, thats agreat sign that youre winning! Just keep that up.
PS, this one was my favorite excuse:
Day 24 - It can all change in 1 day. Still strong but a lot of alone time and I'm so stressed with work that I keep thinking, PMO to let it all out. Not giving in and I don't want to get ahead of myself, BUT
I have a business trip coming up in a few weeks and the temptation today makes me think I will fail when I'm in a hotel room at night. How do I win in those situations? Any advice will be welcome. Trying not to dwell too much into the future but it keeps haunting me today as I fight today's temptations.
Thanks RF - interesting and sick where our brains can go to justify something harmful for us in the long run.
dlansky - thanks. I can't say enough how much this site has helped me get to day 23 now day 24. I've tried before thinking I was alone in the fight. Then it happened. Limp, no erection, without porn and lots of effort on my part. When I looked up my symptoms YBOP showed up and it led me to RN. I'm so grateful for this community. That was 25 days ago.
I have a business trip coming up in a few weeks and the temptation today makes me think I will fail when I'm in a hotel room at night. How do I win in those situations? Any advice will be welcome. Trying not to dwell too much into the future but it keeps haunting me today as I fight today's temptations.
Thanks RF - interesting and sick where our brains can go to justify something harmful for us in the long run.
dlansky - thanks. I can't say enough how much this site has helped me get to day 23 now day 24. I've tried before thinking I was alone in the fight. Then it happened. Limp, no erection, without porn and lots of effort on my part. When I looked up my symptoms YBOP showed up and it led me to RN. I'm so grateful for this community. That was 25 days ago.
bob
Respected Member
You can ask that they remove the TV though that may seem a bit extreme. Other is find activities to do that will keep your mind going in another direction. Do you have the ability to get out and be with people in the evening? Is there something you can do to volunteer in the evening?
Sometimes it can be just a pain in the ass, this porn thing.
Peace
Sometimes it can be just a pain in the ass, this porn thing.
Peace
Bob - you should know I'm a big Chris Farley fan. Best comedy in my book, "Tommy Boy."
I like your suggestion of staying busy. I will try to stay as busy as possible and if I can stay out late with CLEAN fun then I can get to the room tired enough to just go to sleep. I must also fit in a workout to help get me tired.
My last business trip, I didn't PMO the last night in the hotel. But that was because I spent a whole night in a strip club and got to my room at 2am, 4 hours before my flight home. I don't have a lot of extra money and I spent some of the family fun money on that. That was not my lowest point with porn but it was low.
I like your suggestion of staying busy. I will try to stay as busy as possible and if I can stay out late with CLEAN fun then I can get to the room tired enough to just go to sleep. I must also fit in a workout to help get me tired.
My last business trip, I didn't PMO the last night in the hotel. But that was because I spent a whole night in a strip club and got to my room at 2am, 4 hours before my flight home. I don't have a lot of extra money and I spent some of the family fun money on that. That was not my lowest point with porn but it was low.
bob
Respected Member
New,
I will have you know that you are in good company. Many of us here have horror stories of when we "kissed the gutter" with our out of control behavior.
Thanks for the Chris Farley comment. I see him (as many comedians) as a genius, with a troubled soul.
Peace
newstart said:
I will have you know that you are in good company. Many of us here have horror stories of when we "kissed the gutter" with our out of control behavior.
Thanks for the Chris Farley comment. I see him (as many comedians) as a genius, with a troubled soul.
Peace
Day 27 - I have no real reason to want to PMO, but I do. Just because.
I had a good weekend and life is going well. Nothing is super great and nothing is super awful. I just want to procrastinate work and PMO today. Weird. Fighting the urge and struggling. I find myself fighting to stay away from P harder today than most days. I think I overestimated my strength and let my guard down. I haven't done anything yet but dang is it a battle.
It will be rough today because of nothing more than temptations in my head.
I had a good weekend and life is going well. Nothing is super great and nothing is super awful. I just want to procrastinate work and PMO today. Weird. Fighting the urge and struggling. I find myself fighting to stay away from P harder today than most days. I think I overestimated my strength and let my guard down. I haven't done anything yet but dang is it a battle.
It will be rough today because of nothing more than temptations in my head.
uncreatedlight
Active Member
I don't know where these urges come from. They seem to ebb and flow. Sometimes I can trace them to boredom, sorrow, or shame, but sometimes they just appear spontaneously, just as physical tension.
Get away from your computer if you can and go for a walk or spend some time with someone. Let yourself feel the urges. They are just temporary.
I'll be thinking of you. I know you can do it.
Get away from your computer if you can and go for a walk or spend some time with someone. Let yourself feel the urges. They are just temporary.
I'll be thinking of you. I know you can do it.