H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in. I have been very busy moving into our new apartment.
Counts: Abstinent of
PMO: 37/90
Alcohol: 37
Caffeine: 8/30
Rich
Counts: Abstinent of
PMO: 37/90
Alcohol: 37
Caffeine: 8/30
Rich
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in
Abstinent of
Alcohol: 43 days
PMO: 43/90
Caffeine 15/30
Rich
Abstinent of
Alcohol: 43 days
PMO: 43/90
Caffeine 15/30
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Feeling crabby and sexually frustrated today. Wife and I have had a dry spell for about four months. She says she needs to see real change in how I act and treat her before we engage sexually again. I understand and appreciate where she is coming from, but it still sucks. At first it helped me concentrate on this journey. But now I feel myself getting impatient. I need to ask my higher power for patience and focus on improving as a husband.
Count seems to have gotten muddled somewhat. But the numbers based on my digital counter for AA are thus
Abstinent of:
Alcohol: 44 days
PMO: 44/90
Rich
Count seems to have gotten muddled somewhat. But the numbers based on my digital counter for AA are thus
Abstinent of:
Alcohol: 44 days
PMO: 44/90
Rich
J
J01
Guest
Hang in there, it is just a temporary rough spot! Take solace in this: at least the whole ordeal proves that you married a good and smart lady! Congratulations on that; that is not an easy thing to do these days.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Count update:
Abstinence from alcohol: 54 days
PMO: 54/90
Almost done with my 30 day break from caffeine.
Rich
Abstinence from alcohol: 54 days
PMO: 54/90
Almost done with my 30 day break from caffeine.
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
I just acted out, so I am back to 0 for PMO. My wife want?s to go out to do an errand, but I will make sure to make an AA meeting tonight to prevent me from relapsing with alcohol too.
This relapse has hit me like a brick wall. Part of me wants to give in to this wretched habit and let it tear me apart. Today was supposed to be day 57, but I am back to 0.
But right now I want to talk about something else. I think this is my bottom for PMO. I think this because acting out today was a joyless, automatic experience. I must have been getting serotonin hits otherwise I wouldn?t have been doing it, but I didn?t feel good acting out. I got no pleasure from it.
And also, I couldn?t get an erection, even from the images I used to jack off to. This scares me to death. I have heard of flatline, and thought that I must have been in flatline because of my lack of interest in sex and limp ness.
But I thought that I would still be able to get erect to porn. And I couldn?t get it up to that either.
What the heck is going on? Has rebooting broken me neurologically? Is it still flatline, even when I tried to cheat with porn?
Now for what I am doing now. I am leaving no stone unturned.
I have reset my IPad and put up content restrictions with a password that I have to put in. Unfortunately I can?t use a faux password or one I will forget because I need it if I ever need to change my Ipad?s Settings. That royally sucks because it means I have to use a password I remember.
But I have done this before and it worked pretty well. Just the few seconds provided by the hassle of putting in a password was deterrent enough.
But that can?t be all of it. REAL CHANGE has to happen.
Just like in AA I have accepted that I am powerless against PMO and have found my bottom. Or at least my latest one. I am going to involve my higher power from here on out through prayer.
That is all from me at the moment.
Rich
Count:
Abstinent of alcohol: 57 days
PMO: 0
This relapse has hit me like a brick wall. Part of me wants to give in to this wretched habit and let it tear me apart. Today was supposed to be day 57, but I am back to 0.
But right now I want to talk about something else. I think this is my bottom for PMO. I think this because acting out today was a joyless, automatic experience. I must have been getting serotonin hits otherwise I wouldn?t have been doing it, but I didn?t feel good acting out. I got no pleasure from it.
And also, I couldn?t get an erection, even from the images I used to jack off to. This scares me to death. I have heard of flatline, and thought that I must have been in flatline because of my lack of interest in sex and limp ness.
But I thought that I would still be able to get erect to porn. And I couldn?t get it up to that either.
What the heck is going on? Has rebooting broken me neurologically? Is it still flatline, even when I tried to cheat with porn?
Now for what I am doing now. I am leaving no stone unturned.
I have reset my IPad and put up content restrictions with a password that I have to put in. Unfortunately I can?t use a faux password or one I will forget because I need it if I ever need to change my Ipad?s Settings. That royally sucks because it means I have to use a password I remember.
But I have done this before and it worked pretty well. Just the few seconds provided by the hassle of putting in a password was deterrent enough.
But that can?t be all of it. REAL CHANGE has to happen.
Just like in AA I have accepted that I am powerless against PMO and have found my bottom. Or at least my latest one. I am going to involve my higher power from here on out through prayer.
That is all from me at the moment.
Rich
Count:
Abstinent of alcohol: 57 days
PMO: 0
L
Lero
Guest
HumbleRich said:I have reset my IPad and put up content restrictions with a password that I have to put in. Unfortunately I can?t use a faux password or one I will forget because I need it if I ever need to change my Ipad?s Settings. That royally sucks because it means I have to use a password I remember.
I don't know, maybe ask someone to choose a password and hide it from you.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in on day 1. I read an article about flatlining and am feeling better. I must have just been still in the flatline stage. One thing I do know is I want erotica, porn, and sex culture out of my life, forever.
Checking in half a day clean, by the grace and guidance of the Dharma, the Buddha, and the Sangha.
Namaste.
Rich
Checking in half a day clean, by the grace and guidance of the Dharma, the Buddha, and the Sangha.
Namaste.
Rich
Sorry to hear about the relapse, but relapsing is part of recovery.. As long as we manage to not relapse again or fall down.
You?re doing great, just think about the progress from where you were to where you?re now. Small step at a time!
Read this, it makes me feel better about beating addiction time wise. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/09/why-sex-addiction-recovery-takes-a-long-time-and-one-possible-exception/
You?re doing great, just think about the progress from where you were to where you?re now. Small step at a time!
Read this, it makes me feel better about beating addiction time wise. https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction/2014/09/why-sex-addiction-recovery-takes-a-long-time-and-one-possible-exception/
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in. Had too much coffee today on my first day back on caffeine and I can?t sleep well (from now on no caffeine in the afternoon). Back to 0. I fought and resisted the content restrictions until I found some topless images. So back to 0. What did I learn.
This journey is not only about what we remove from our lives, but also what we put in.
I am going to start reading more. I am going to try to read a book a week. Except for one week a month I will devote to Scentific American. I have been unsatisfied with not getting anywhere on my reading list for a long time now.
I am going to workout every morning and every evening. I am in pitiful shape at the moment. The best I can do atm is two sets of ten push ups, about 30 crunches, and 30 bike crunches. But we all know the old saying, you gotta start somewhere. Once I master this workout I can move on to more elaborate ones.
Time to get in shape, mentally and physically.
Day one again tomorrow.
Day 59 sober from alcohol.
Rich
This journey is not only about what we remove from our lives, but also what we put in.
I am going to start reading more. I am going to try to read a book a week. Except for one week a month I will devote to Scentific American. I have been unsatisfied with not getting anywhere on my reading list for a long time now.
I am going to workout every morning and every evening. I am in pitiful shape at the moment. The best I can do atm is two sets of ten push ups, about 30 crunches, and 30 bike crunches. But we all know the old saying, you gotta start somewhere. Once I master this workout I can move on to more elaborate ones.
Time to get in shape, mentally and physically.
Day one again tomorrow.
Day 59 sober from alcohol.
Rich
L
Lero
Guest
You could invest your energy in PMO or invest it in doing something else. At the end of the day, it's about which one is more beneficial to you.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
I continued my binge this morning, PMOing from 3 till 7 am. I have not binged like this in years and this reminds me 1. That I am still a porn addict and 2. I can never safely use porn.
I accept that I am powerless without a ?God of my understanding?.
I have picked myself up though. I did as much of my workout as I could at 8 am, when I was scheduled to wake up. I guess I can be grateful that I don?t have a job to destroy with this acting out yet. I do need to study, however.
I have done my work out. Next to meditate and pray. Boy do I need it. Having content restrictions only helps so much. I need to remain constantly vigilant and humble.
Let?s see if I can pull together a whole 12 hours. This time no caffeine after noon.
Rich
Humiliated but not beaten.
I accept that I am powerless without a ?God of my understanding?.
I have picked myself up though. I did as much of my workout as I could at 8 am, when I was scheduled to wake up. I guess I can be grateful that I don?t have a job to destroy with this acting out yet. I do need to study, however.
I have done my work out. Next to meditate and pray. Boy do I need it. Having content restrictions only helps so much. I need to remain constantly vigilant and humble.
Let?s see if I can pull together a whole 12 hours. This time no caffeine after noon.
Rich
Humiliated but not beaten.
Hey Rich,
Don't discourage your self and don't test your D*** in flatline . In my first relapse I did the same mistake and i am on flatline till than but believe me after 60-70 days your mind will be stable and you will not think about P any more yes you will get some P flashes here and there but you will easily pass that.
Doing my best to get rid of PMO and hoping best for you also.
Don't discourage your self and don't test your D*** in flatline . In my first relapse I did the same mistake and i am on flatline till than but believe me after 60-70 days your mind will be stable and you will not think about P any more yes you will get some P flashes here and there but you will easily pass that.
Doing my best to get rid of PMO and hoping best for you also.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
So pissed at myself. I have been finding ways to relapse last week and this weekend. I even opened up a Quora account to ostensibly ask professional questions, but ended up spending most of the time searching NSFW questions. Sick and tired of this. I have deleted my Quora account, hopefully for the last time, and have blocked the Quora website.
But it needs to be more than that! Content blocking is great as a way to prevent me from starting the process.
But I need a tighter schedule, more praying and meditating.
Here is for better luck tomorrow.
Day 0 again.
Rich
Still abstinent of alcohol.
But it needs to be more than that! Content blocking is great as a way to prevent me from starting the process.
But I need a tighter schedule, more praying and meditating.
Here is for better luck tomorrow.
Day 0 again.
Rich
Still abstinent of alcohol.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in
Day 2 free of PMO
66 days sober of alcohol
Rich
Day 2 free of PMO
66 days sober of alcohol
Rich
L
Lero
Guest
HumbleRich said:Checking in
Day 2 free of PMO
66 days sober of alcohol
Rich
Rich, you're doing great with the alcohol.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Back to day 0. I need to start practicing self control as I really, really, really don?t want to block YouTube as I do watch benign material on it. Back to square one.
Rich
Rich
H
HumbleRich
Guest
Checking in. I am two days clean of PMO. I am going to try something new. Instead of checking in every day, I will check in once every two weeks with whatever my count is. I think this will work better because this addiction, while important and destructive, is not my primary addiction. That is alcohol. And I am kicking alcohol?s ass at the moment. I think that viewing these boards constantly is actually bad for my abstinence, in a way. So, I will see you guys in two weeks.
Rich
2 days abstinent of PMO
Rich
2 days abstinent of PMO
stepbystep
Active Member
Rich, great job on staying away from alcohol! Keep going, you can do this! I've realized that progress is not perfect or linear for me, but as long as you are focused on your goal, you will keep making progress, which is what matters.
H
HumbleRich
Guest
It?s way past time for a post, so here we go. First of all, I did just act out just now. A little bummed, but I feel empowered because I am starting to notice my patterns. Things that do not cause me to act out: YouTube and Facebook (which I just made a new account on). Although both of these can play a part in acting out, they are not bad in and of themselves, and it is me who decides to use these places to act out (I just acted out to erotic videos on YouTube).
Things that cause me to act out: boredom and not having a fixed structured schedule. I NEED a schedule to cling on to to get me through the day. Without one I can feel such symptoms as depression, loneliness, boredom. An unplanned day makes me desperate to get serotonin in my brain.
On good days when I don?t act out, I: have a fixed schedule that makes me feel productive, that leaves me time to have fun, but still gives me structure. [I just had a job interview yesterday that went really well. Waiting on a phone call for part time hours, so I should be very busy soon]. I look after myself with meditation, prayer, reading, and intellectually stimulating exercises. And I exercise.
I am feeling optimistic because even when I act out these days, I am disgusted by the material and not attracted to promiscuity the way I was in the ?glory days? of acting out. Promiscuity turns me off these days. That tells me all I need are a bit of discipline and doing the next right thing.
Thanks for listening.
Rich
Things that cause me to act out: boredom and not having a fixed structured schedule. I NEED a schedule to cling on to to get me through the day. Without one I can feel such symptoms as depression, loneliness, boredom. An unplanned day makes me desperate to get serotonin in my brain.
On good days when I don?t act out, I: have a fixed schedule that makes me feel productive, that leaves me time to have fun, but still gives me structure. [I just had a job interview yesterday that went really well. Waiting on a phone call for part time hours, so I should be very busy soon]. I look after myself with meditation, prayer, reading, and intellectually stimulating exercises. And I exercise.
I am feeling optimistic because even when I act out these days, I am disgusted by the material and not attracted to promiscuity the way I was in the ?glory days? of acting out. Promiscuity turns me off these days. That tells me all I need are a bit of discipline and doing the next right thing.
Thanks for listening.
Rich