Andy's 90 Day Journal...

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Mblanc92

Guest
Hello Andy. There will always be problems in everyday life. 9 days is remarkable. Your story reminds me a little of mine. It's very difficult for women to be in that situation, so I hope she talks to the therapist.

Keep going buddy.
 
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Andyshealthyself

Member
Mblanc92 said:
Hello Andy. There will always be problems in everyday life. 9 days is remarkable. Your story reminds me a little of mine. It's very difficult for women to be in that situation, so I hope she talks to the therapist.

Keep going buddy.
Click to expand...

Thanks Mblanc...It is difficult for her to be in this situation, I think the main reason it is difficult in this particular case is that I spent two years basically lying to her about my habit...playing the old double standard. Say one thing, do another. Thats disrespectful. I think she has a hard time with that because she has been lied to so many times in her life before. And here I am...doing the same thing in regards to my mental/Sexual health

Well i'm done lying, but its still hard for her to put her guard down to it...sometimes for me that translates to her being cold...We talked a lot last night about it during my "break down" I was quite pathetic...but I affirmed to her that I am sticking to this path... Time will tell, and heal.

Day 9 Still going strong. Gym and meditation were good this morning. Something that I think is paramount to my success during this process.

Cheers.
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/17/2018
10:29 AM EST
Day 10

10 days in guys. Things I have noticed over the course of ten days at least for me:

1.) Emotions fluctuate
      Especially in the last few days...Stress is a little more difficult to deal with. In the past I could use PMO to get a dopamine fix...but was still followed by feelings of depression and shame etc... I have had to find different and more healthy ways to deal with stress.

2.) Slight Increase in Energy levels--Easier to get out of bed/follow routines
      I have noticed in the past few days that my energy levels are higher in the morning and throughout the day. It's easier to get out of bed...and as mentioned above I have had more energy to find other means to managing stress....Going to th Gym is a big part of that ( For me at least )

3.) Increased motivation/Optimism
      Along with increased energy levels comes increased motivation. I have found that where in the past While stuck under the oppressive thumb of PMO, My motivation was not very high...I felt Depleted and lazy in the mornings and throughout the day but at night I would be wired. I have noticed that it is easier to go to bed at night, and easier to get up in the morning. I am more Motivated to follow a routine of healthy things ( Going to the gym, Meditation, Making food with my lady, ETC...

My lady and I got a little sexual last night...it almost happened but I could not get hard enough...Now I'm not sure if this is due to PMO related things or the fact that it was midnight and we both had to be up at 6am, or my nerves acting up...being insecure about this still...performance anxiety etc...She also confided in me that she wasn't there yet either. We had turned all the lights off...usually that means sleep time...But I had a feeling she was expecting me to make a move...So I did...But I like to see her in all of her beauty...So it's hard for me to do so in the dark...

The good thing though is...it did not end in frustration or any negative feelings at all. I still remain optimistic and we cuddled quite close and had a great morning making breakfast...

This is all I have to report for now, but it has been a wild 10 days and a learning experience for sure.

Also, for real this time...No drinking alcohol...or weed...I want to reset my Brain to all substances that may effect those areas.

Peace for now Guys and Gals.
 
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Mblanc92

Guest
Hello Andy. Don't worry about sexual performance, it will be getting better with the time. All your brain need is time and peace. Routines will do its job so. Congratulations.
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/18/2018
Day 11
12:40PM

Still going strong...Almost had a slip up...Attempted to research Tantric sex...art of sex type stuff to see about changing it up with the lady....turns out this was a mistake...kind of a Trigger....long story short it ended up taking me to a porn site...Again, I closed my laptop and got my shit together and ran out the door to the Gym...Very close to relapse...I got a rush of adrenaline when I saw the site...Won't do that again for a while.

Went to the gym...again. 3 days in a row now...I seem to be putting a lot of energy in working out, A lot more than I used to. I find myself waking up and thats the first thing I think of is getting up..sliding into a routine of making breakfast with the lady...have some Coffee...head out to the Gym, then work. It keeps my mind off the porn and also makes me stronger...and hopefully Sexier! ;)


So far...11 days of no orgasm...This is the longest time in probably 17 years that I have gone without one. Go me. Anyway...

Cheers guys and gals
 
S

Sentimental_geek

Active Member
Andyshealthyself said:
Attempted to research Tantric sex...art of sex type stuff to see about changing it up with the lady....turns out this was a mistake...kind of a Trigger....long story short it ended up taking me to a porn site...Again, I closed my laptop and got my shit together and ran out the door to the Gym...Very close to relapse...I got a rush of adrenaline when I saw the site...Won't do that again for a while.
Click to expand...

Whilst I think tantra is an amazing thing to get into, be aware of some of the sites about it as they will be triggering. I think its a sad reflection of the way sex is viewed. So easily defined in a pornographic way when it really should not be.
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/19/2018
10:10am
Day 12

Not a good day today....Woke up feeling frisky..Had great morning wood...Lady was also into it in the morning ( Which she never is ) so we commenced...when it came down to penetration...I went Limp....WHAT THE FUCK!!!  I was hard the entire time until it finally came down to penetration....went limp inside her...Extremely discouraging. This is not discouraging because of how many days its been or anything like that...but I have been able to remain hard in the past...hard enough to go for it for at least 20 minutes...

She told me she feels disconnected from me...not as close...as she used to. This really hit me fucking hard. I Love this woman with every Fiber of my being. She asked if it would be better to go another week with no intimacy...I told her I think that would do more harm than good at this point...

Whats wrong with me? Am I Flat lining? Is it performance anxiety....I got excited that this might finally be the time... I got hard by her touch alone. But when I finally did it...I felt nothing and went limp....

I'm lost...Went to the Gym to try to get my mind off of it...but it does not curb the pain of her words. She said that its hard for her to feel optimistic and encouraging after all the times in the past  that I said I was working on myself...and now when i'm finally doing everything right...it still wont work....

I keep telling myself its only been 12 days... and that it takes time...I asked her if she would go see the therapist with me and she said she would.

Anyway...Day 12
 
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Mblanc92

Guest
Hello Andy. Tantric sex is a good alternative to traditional sex. Tantric sex is based on a deep connection with your partner, rather than the sexual act itself. Porn sex is based in the opposite, and, as you may see, porn adiction actually builds a wrong concept of women and sex.

Good luck with that, buddy. I'm sure it will help you and your recovery process. 
 
Fappy

Fappy

Respected Member
Congrats on 2 weeks!
Dont force anything and dont feel bad about your progress. Its good to read other peoples experiences as a way to sort of gauge how you are doing, but it might be  a bad idea to compare your progress to others too much. Everyone reboots differently.
Youre doing great, and results WILL come.
 
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Mblanc92

Guest
Hey Andy. Take a look on Gabe's video about "withdrawal symptoms", it will help you understand some changes in your body and mind and what to expect in this recovery process. Greetings from colombia.
 
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Andyshealthyself

Member
Thank you Reformed Fapper and Mblanc! The support is really great!

10/22/2018
11:04am
Day15

Had a really busy weekend. Had some intimate moments with the lady that didn't work out as far as sex goes but were still good and constructive none the less. Thanks for the Video suggestion Mblanc, I'm gunna check that out right after this post.

15 days in and I think I am in a flat line of sorts...I don't really wake up with morning wood that much anymore...and its hard for me to become aroused. I assume Gabes video on withdrawal symptoms will go over this a bit. Had some good moments with the lady this weekend, we are going to schedule an appointment with the therapist at some point. Overall things are looking up. Still going to the Gym Consistently and its going great.

Headed to work now guys, Cheers!
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/23/2018
8:03am
Day 16


Successfully had sex last night...It wasn't amazing, but it was functional! Some aspects of it are still numb... I had my lady do everything and tried not to touch myself at all. I call it progress....

However, This morning...I was very Horny. She had to leave quite early so we couldn't really fool around. The urge to watch something sexual is so strong...infact I even went to a site to take a peek.....realized what I was doing and stopped...

I have come too far to just throw it away....Left the site...meeting up with my father for breakfast, then off to work.

16 days in guys. Cheers
 
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Mblanc92

Guest
... "infact I even went to a site to take a peek". You should avoid this at any cost, buddy. That is very dangerous, and could make you relapse in a blink.
16 days is remarkable.
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
Mblanc92 said:
... "infact I even went to a site to take a peek". You should avoid this at any cost, buddy. That is very dangerous, and could make you relapse in a blink.
16 days is remarkable.
Click to expand...

Don't I know it...I have been fighting off urges all day long at work...its Ridiculous. Trying to remain composed. I feel like im going to explode!  :eek:
 
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Andyshealthyself

Member
10/24/2018
11:00am
Day 17

Things are going pretty well. Still have some major urges I need to Stomp out. Keeping myself distracted is the best deterrent. I find my self going to the Gym, or heading out to work early. Just getting out of the house when there is opportunity to be by myself is helpful. I hope that feeling goes away. I don't want to feel like me being by myself is something I can't do. I need to practice control...I'm hoping as time goes on it gets easier to avoid porn when i'm by myself. I have read that peoples urges go away over time the more they stay away from it.

Cheers!
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/25/2018
10:00am
Day 18

Hey guys,

18 days in. Feels really good right now. Woke up in the middle of the night with a raging boner ( Don't really remember any dreams) Then woke this morning with raging morning wood. Wouldn't go away. Finally after probably 40 minutes when I got up and started doing stuff did it finally subsided.

Feeling really good about this journey so far. Urges come and go. Some days are way better than others. Any time I get an urge I come here or go to YBOP site and read success stories for motivation and hope. It's working.

Anyway, headed to work now. Have a great day all.

Cheers!
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/26/2018
10:18am
Day 19

19 days in! 19 days feels pretty amazing. Have not really had any urges in the past two days. Woke up this morning with the hardest morning wood I have ever experienced. It was so hard it almost hurt. I have tried Viagra in the past and it felt like I took 100 MG of it. Kind of Ridiculous. Kind of Exciting!

Could not act upon it tho. It's that time of the month for my Lady, usually that isn't an issue for either of us but this time its particularly painful. So we wait!

I feel like this has become a game, competition between myself...and myself... it has become rewarding and fulfilling to see how far I can go. How long I can go without PMO...it's getting way easier. Getting past the two week mark is like breaking the seal of success.

Headed to work guys and gals, cheers!
 
A

Andyshealthyself

Member
10/27/2018
2:08PM
Day 20 -= Relapse =-

Day 20...Relapse....I succumbed to a really big urge this morning....Lady left for the morning....I went ham on the porn. Went twice.
I couldn't stop thinking about her though. I looked up more sexual/sensual massage techniques to practice on her for later....and it turned into me getting myself off to them....Stupid

But....20 days was a success...and i'm going to go for another 90. I'm not feeling really bad about it like I thought I might. My only fear is performing in bed when I need to and the PIED.

I know that this is something that I can do. I have the ability and the tools necessary to overcome this. I now know what my triggers are and know now what not to do for the future.

Here is to another 90 guys and gals.

Cheers
 
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Mblanc92

Guest
Hello Andy. 20 days is remarkable, enough to see what your life would be like without porn. Yes buddy, you have everything you need to do it. Keep going!.
Greetings from Colombia.
 
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