P
Prodigal son
Guest
PHASE I (90 Day REWIRE-REBOOT) COMPLETE
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Last PMO 71, 72, & 73
[size=14pt]PHASE II "The Next 90" (40 Day Water Fast + Remodel/Move.) In Progress
l...:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X
MY JOURNAL, RESPONSES ARE NOW WELCOME.
Today is a new day, forgiveness is mine. After many years, after many do overs and even a few times thru RN, I am back with no where to go but up. Even though I was introduced to porn at a young age, I am NOT a victim of abuse in any way. I chose to pursue porn, at first because it was exciting and new. Then I continued in adolescence, at 12 I discovered PMO as an adjunct to just looking and continued daily into my early 20's, telling myself I was educating myself for marriage. After marriage I used PMO as a stress/boredom cure whenever my wife was unavailable to me. On and on I went, beginning with mags, escalating to cable TV and then VHS. As technology marched on I kept pace, adding internet porn in with my VHS library in 98'. I stayed this course for a few more years, but inside something was bugging me, I just knew what I was doing was wrong and I began to seek a way to stop, to understand why it held such a grip on me. In early 04' I read the book, "She said, yes." about Cassie Bernall, a girl killed in the Columbine High school shooting. The book described how she's recently been changing her life, became a Christian and on the fateful day was asked by on of the shooters, "If she believed in God?"... She said, "yes" and for her courage she was murdered, shot point blank in a high school library. As I read her story, home with the flu, tears streamed down my face and I felt my heart breaking. You see, I knew, in my inner most being, that even though I called myself a Christian since I was a child, I was not living my life the way I should.
For the next few years I tried several different methods, I used screen filters, but in 04' there wasn't much in the way about PMO or how to kick it. Read several books as they became available, but with limited success. Churches I went to weren't much help as I was led to believe if I was still struggling I must not be saved. So for several years I hobbled along, the walking wounded. On the one hand I wanted out, but invariably I would find my way back and have to start again. In 2007, I came across a website site that I forget the name of, but they had a special course you went thru and they provided a mentor free of charge. The course was 60 days and at the end I got a certificate. It took 3 tries with there program and I made it to 60 finally, but eventually I took the filter off that they'd recommended and soon after I was back to my old habits.
In 2015 I found RN for the first time, I stumbled back into PMO probably 3 times before I finally added an image blocker and a web filter. Using this setup and the encouragement of a group of fine men and 1 woman I set out to do the "HARD 90". The days clicked off and in what seemed like no time and soon I was being referred to as a veteran. I felt good, it was nice having no shame and without to hard a time I surpassed 120 days. After the 120 mark I removed my filters and screener and for about a week I was cool. Then on or about 127 I slipped, it was like the first time I looked at a magazine as a boy. My newly Virginized brain could hardly process the dopamine surge I experienced and just like a heroine addict, down I went. And so I have remained since early 2016, going round and round, every 10-14 days.
I'm back and I'm gonna do it right. I let a troll throw me off course recently, but I hope he stays away. I don't need any encouragement in my journal, I only want this to be for my thoughts and nothing more. You can PM me if you wish, but please don't add to my journal.
Steps taken:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Identified "Escapism" as underlying root issue.
[*]Setup "Pluckeye" image blocker to limit access to internet.
(work & bill sites only!)
[*]Deleted all "Games" from computer.
[*]Began Reading a chapter in Proverbs every morning in the Bible.
[*]Switching to "Keto Diet" & planning a future "40 day Water fast".
[*]Continue learning from "Dr. Jordan Peterson" to improve psychological health.
[*]Avoid daydreaming by staying active, focusing on forward motion.
[*]Make "Daily To-Do" lists of to maximize my productivity and time.
[*]Make a "Weekly To-Do" list of projects & goals.
[*]Composing a 5 year plan(finances, business & health).
[/list]
Day 1
llll:llllXllll:llllXllll:llllXllll:llllXllll:llllXllll:llllXllll:llllX(lll)l:llllXllll:llll X
Last PMO 71, 72, & 73
[size=14pt]PHASE II "The Next 90" (40 Day Water Fast + Remodel/Move.) In Progress
l...:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X ....:....X
MY JOURNAL, RESPONSES ARE NOW WELCOME.
Today is a new day, forgiveness is mine. After many years, after many do overs and even a few times thru RN, I am back with no where to go but up. Even though I was introduced to porn at a young age, I am NOT a victim of abuse in any way. I chose to pursue porn, at first because it was exciting and new. Then I continued in adolescence, at 12 I discovered PMO as an adjunct to just looking and continued daily into my early 20's, telling myself I was educating myself for marriage. After marriage I used PMO as a stress/boredom cure whenever my wife was unavailable to me. On and on I went, beginning with mags, escalating to cable TV and then VHS. As technology marched on I kept pace, adding internet porn in with my VHS library in 98'. I stayed this course for a few more years, but inside something was bugging me, I just knew what I was doing was wrong and I began to seek a way to stop, to understand why it held such a grip on me. In early 04' I read the book, "She said, yes." about Cassie Bernall, a girl killed in the Columbine High school shooting. The book described how she's recently been changing her life, became a Christian and on the fateful day was asked by on of the shooters, "If she believed in God?"... She said, "yes" and for her courage she was murdered, shot point blank in a high school library. As I read her story, home with the flu, tears streamed down my face and I felt my heart breaking. You see, I knew, in my inner most being, that even though I called myself a Christian since I was a child, I was not living my life the way I should.
For the next few years I tried several different methods, I used screen filters, but in 04' there wasn't much in the way about PMO or how to kick it. Read several books as they became available, but with limited success. Churches I went to weren't much help as I was led to believe if I was still struggling I must not be saved. So for several years I hobbled along, the walking wounded. On the one hand I wanted out, but invariably I would find my way back and have to start again. In 2007, I came across a website site that I forget the name of, but they had a special course you went thru and they provided a mentor free of charge. The course was 60 days and at the end I got a certificate. It took 3 tries with there program and I made it to 60 finally, but eventually I took the filter off that they'd recommended and soon after I was back to my old habits.
In 2015 I found RN for the first time, I stumbled back into PMO probably 3 times before I finally added an image blocker and a web filter. Using this setup and the encouragement of a group of fine men and 1 woman I set out to do the "HARD 90". The days clicked off and in what seemed like no time and soon I was being referred to as a veteran. I felt good, it was nice having no shame and without to hard a time I surpassed 120 days. After the 120 mark I removed my filters and screener and for about a week I was cool. Then on or about 127 I slipped, it was like the first time I looked at a magazine as a boy. My newly Virginized brain could hardly process the dopamine surge I experienced and just like a heroine addict, down I went. And so I have remained since early 2016, going round and round, every 10-14 days.
I'm back and I'm gonna do it right. I let a troll throw me off course recently, but I hope he stays away. I don't need any encouragement in my journal, I only want this to be for my thoughts and nothing more. You can PM me if you wish, but please don't add to my journal.
Steps taken:
[list type=decimal]
[*]Identified "Escapism" as underlying root issue.
[*]Setup "Pluckeye" image blocker to limit access to internet.
(work & bill sites only!)
[*]Deleted all "Games" from computer.
[*]Began Reading a chapter in Proverbs every morning in the Bible.
[*]Switching to "Keto Diet" & planning a future "40 day Water fast".
[*]Continue learning from "Dr. Jordan Peterson" to improve psychological health.
[*]Avoid daydreaming by staying active, focusing on forward motion.
[*]Make "Daily To-Do" lists of to maximize my productivity and time.
[*]Make a "Weekly To-Do" list of projects & goals.
[*]Composing a 5 year plan(finances, business & health).
[/list]
Day 1