Hope I can look back on this journal one day with no more PIED

[ArthurMorgan]

200 Days. (201 as I type this to be accurate) PMO free. I've noted every change and feeling, attempt at sex etc and I definitely had more random erections well three, when I was practicing hard mode.

Still in a flat line, last few days I've been thinking about the old P I used to watch, but I think that's because I've gone a few weeks without any release now.

After 140 something days of Hard mode the opportunity to attempt sex came up, I've heard many times you can only tell if you are working again by re wiring and taking the slow process of intimacy with a partner - this is what I did. Still didn't work.

Doctor gave me the all clear. Blood tests fine. Testosterone fine. So I'm 40 days since my last sex attempt / release so guess it's back to hard mode for a bit. Pretty much forgotten what sex is at this point lol

Not stessing it really. Good luck brothers.

 

[Sean K.]

Congrats on hitting the 200 day (and surpassing it and overcoming what must have been tempting to look as a "celebration" of the milestone...as odd as that sounds)!

Do you know what your test level actually was, by chance?  Keep in mind the range we're talking....depending on the scales 265 can be low but still 'normal'.....and that scale goes all the way up to 1593 IIRC; I know it's almost 1600...so over 6 TIMES the low end of the spectrum.

 

[ArthurMorgan]

Congrats on hitting the 200 day (and surpassing it and overcoming what must have been tempting to look as a "celebration" of the milestone...as odd as that sounds)!

Do you know what your test level actually was, by chance?  Keep in mind the range we're talking....depending on the scales 265 can be low but still 'normal'.....and that scale goes all the way up to 1593 IIRC; I know it's almost 1600...so over 6 TIMES the low end of the spectrum.

You know what, it was tempting to celebrate it with P briefly but I've got to sit this out.

I did get told the numbers  I can't remember, doc said my testosterone was fine, no issues that's good enough for me. I specifically asked in relation to ED. So I'm ruling that out if my actual doctor off the back of blood tests says the results came back fine.

I've just messed with my brain so much. Watching porn for 25 years is a very long time. Lord knows what kind of unsual effects this hardcore PMO free period is doing to my head. Next step 250 days. Hope you are getting on ok Sean. I haven't been very active in these forums much, as much as I should be.

 

[Sean K.]

Me either brother....need to write more to stay accountable.

Good on you for setting a new goal and not succumbing to the P. 


Right there with you.....22+ years of porn for me too.  No telling what it's done to our neural pathways.

 

[ArthurMorgan]

Day 230

So I was dreaming of close intimacy with a woman not from a P perspective just me talking being close holding hands etc - it's someone I know. I woke up from the dream, with...an E. Was this my.first morning wood in 3 something years?! I'm not sure...

Yes, I had an E of about 30% strength. Now consider that I've been lifeless down there for about 190 days of this 230 day reboot, and you will see why I'm lifted a little by this.

Even on sex attempts with an actual female I barely got 15% let alone 30%, this is by far a breakthrough for me! As sad as it sounds.

Main reason this is significant, is because that's a clear change happening. Finally. Because man, I was convinced, truly that thing was dead. I had to sit up and check but sure enough, while not particularly strong, that's the first time it's risen in 190 days.

So back around the start of this 230 day reboot there was life. But see back then, I was rebooting in "hard mode" Then after failed sex attempts I MO'd every now and then. Never with porn,  but MO every week or so

My last MO was 13 something days ago....this tells me something

According to the notes I've kept at every step of the way of this, its confirmation that hard mode, with ZERO release works for me. So I have to try and stick to that, to see improvements.

The fact this happened after me resigning myself to it being totally dead does give me a little bit of hope again. Which i haven't had in so long. I actually went to bed watching videos on neuroplasticity in general (not related to P) not sure if that had an effect or not lol

The journey continues. With a little more hope

 

[joepanic]

Hey ArthurMorgan

          Thats an impressive streak  indeed and kudos for how willing you are to tell your story.  I'm not sure how relevent my  ideas or opinions will be on your journal as I never actually experienced PIED  I have experienced  some mild flatlining herenand there though
but on the whole  I am kicking porn for good
  I read your journal from beginning to end  and found it quite interesting and inspiring  You certainly have in interesting life  especially the dynamic with your wife.  I dont know many  whose marraiges are through and the wife/x-wife sill still attempt to have sex.  But take whatever  you can sometimes as you never know where that might lead you
          I noticed one thing about your journal and thats the main thing in it  is your battle with PIED. Might I ask how your other aspects of life are going  especially your health  I found as I was  rebooting I was finding more time to really work on it  and concentrate on it  I have lost 34 lbs since Jan 1st andf have never felt better    Perhaps shifting your focus to other areas  will  make you a more complete man.  Take some of the pressure off  find some small victores  put some more masculinity into your life  It might be worth looking into    I found doing this really had an affect on my confidence and I am able to do things I would never have dreamed of

  cheers

    Post often it helps me it helps you