34 years old and still addicted
- Thread starter KittyHawk
- Start date
Pete McVries
Active Member
Go get the Porn Myth, my friend. The book is simply a masterpiece and Matt Fradd, the author, is a really great guy and a public speaker against porn. He deserves all the support.
C
changemylife
Guest
I got the book.Pete McVries said:
Pete McVries
Active Member
Have you read it? How did you like it?
C
changemylife
Guest
I just got it.Pete McVries said:
KittyHawk
Active Member
DAY 07
I can?t believe I did whole week without even short edging. My cravings and libido seem to be almost nonexistent since yesterday evening. This might be the infamous flatline but I am actually welcoming it. It should make the next phase of my reboot easier. I started reading YBOP from the beginning again. I am financially in a very bad place now so I postponed purchases on more ebooks. I should know tomorrow how financially devastating the repairs on my house will be.
Everybody: stay strong.
I can?t believe I did whole week without even short edging. My cravings and libido seem to be almost nonexistent since yesterday evening. This might be the infamous flatline but I am actually welcoming it. It should make the next phase of my reboot easier. I started reading YBOP from the beginning again. I am financially in a very bad place now so I postponed purchases on more ebooks. I should know tomorrow how financially devastating the repairs on my house will be.
Everybody: stay strong.
C
changemylife
Guest
It's the same for me, to be honest. This is my 5th day but I don't have the ability to experience urges. It's not only this. I feel somehow "low", "empty" or something like that. It's definitely a strange feeling, it's not only lack of urges. I wouldn't be able to turn myself on even for edging but this is the only thing I welcome. I don't need to fry myself up, like a chicken in the pan, with edging.KittyHawk said:
Most public libraries have an ebook lending system. You can even get ebooks from the library on Kindle devices and apps. Get yourself a library card and ask them how to borrow ebooks. Our local library uses Libby, so I can go on the Libby app to look for books and have them sent to my Kindle.
I've read several books on the topic. Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn was really good, and overlaps a little with YBOP but adds a lot of personal experience from the author. I'm currently reading Every Man's Battle, and I'm finding it helpful with real practical advice on avoiding sexual stimulation. Every Man's Battle is one I borrowed from the library.
I've read several books on the topic. Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn was really good, and overlaps a little with YBOP but adds a lot of personal experience from the author. I'm currently reading Every Man's Battle, and I'm finding it helpful with real practical advice on avoiding sexual stimulation. Every Man's Battle is one I borrowed from the library.
Pete McVries
Active Member
KittyHawk said:
Same thing happened to me. The flatline shortly started after I started rebooting. It endured until Day 26 and since then I'm out of it. The best thing was, my emotions came back in full force. Feels super great to be honest. I finally feel like a human being again.
About being broke and the porn myth, I sent you a pm. Check your inbox.
Good luck!
C
changemylife
Guest
I've heard of this book but I don't know if I should start it. Isn't this book written from a religious point of view? (not that I have something against this)bubbyte said:
Yes, it is written from a Christian point of view. I've never been a Christian, and never been particularly religious at all, but I've still gotten a lot out of this book. More than any other book, they give specific techniques on dealing with issues that I'm dealing with personally. Even though their techniques are built on a foundation of Christianity, I think the techniques still work with a non-religious moral foundation.
What I'm trying to say is they say you should do XYZ because God tells you to, but I've decided I should do XYZ because it's the right thing to do.
C
changemylife
Guest
Alright, this sounds good. I'll give it a try.bubbyte said:
Pete McVries
Active Member
Yo Kitty, check your inbox (both mail and PM) again 
.
.
KittyHawk
Active Member
DAY 08
I had weird dreams. Woke up with strong urges and started touching myself to P-like fantasy. But I stopped very soon. I would?t count it as a relapse but it still freaked me out. Quick reminder that staying clean isn?t as easy as we tend to think after few effortless days.
I expect very stressing day today and I am supposed to have a day off tomorrow = huge trigger time. So I will plan my tomorrow as an active one since the very morning.
I had weird dreams. Woke up with strong urges and started touching myself to P-like fantasy. But I stopped very soon. I would?t count it as a relapse but it still freaked me out. Quick reminder that staying clean isn?t as easy as we tend to think after few effortless days.
I expect very stressing day today and I am supposed to have a day off tomorrow = huge trigger time. So I will plan my tomorrow as an active one since the very morning.
KittyHawk
Active Member
DAY 09
Still no PMO. That is good. But I hate my life and I wonder how long it will take for me to be able have normal sex and how long for me to see the benefits of not wasting my free time on PMO. Yes, I am impatient. That might be what got me here in the first place. Quest for instant gratification. I am trying to find a better job right now but it seems impossible. Everything worth having comes with such a big sacrifice. I feel like I completely wasted 16 years of my life (between being 18 and 34 years old) and I will never be able to catch up with others.
I know it can be done. It?s just.... world is such a scary place once the familiar brainfog of PMO comes off.
Still no PMO. That is good. But I hate my life and I wonder how long it will take for me to be able have normal sex and how long for me to see the benefits of not wasting my free time on PMO. Yes, I am impatient.
That might be what got me here in the first place. Quest for instant gratification. I am trying to find a better job right now but it seems impossible. Everything worth having comes with such a big sacrifice. I feel like I completely wasted 16 years of my life (between being 18 and 34 years old) and I will never be able to catch up with others.I know it can be done. It?s just.... world is such a scary place once the familiar brainfog of PMO comes off.
Pete McVries
Active Member
Yo Kitty,
you remember what I wrote in the PM? In this stage of your reboot, you only have to worry about one thing which is staying away from PMO. Don't worry about sex, don't worry about dating, don't worry about anything else but abstaining from PMO. Let your brain do the healing, let your brain regulate the dopamine receptors back to normal, and then you can worry about the rest. Your emotions will come back, your masculinity will come back, and your confidence will return. Let me tell you this, I once was PMO-free for 120 days and my level of operation was through the roof. I was effortlessly able to ask for a girl's number who I fancied at the time, I was easily able to go on a date with her (talk about a fish outta water, something I hadn't done in more than 10 years), and I left a very good impression on her. Without even trying too hard. It all just came naturally. Just give it time, good things are bound to happen, you gotta trust me on this.
About the wasted years, I'm in the same boat. I'm 31 years old, only had sex twice and it was horrible because I was barely able to perform. Not counting the countless times I left the girls sad and confused because I wasn't able to get it up at all. Crushing to say the least. I wasted all my youth and all my twenties in regards of sexuality. I will never be able to have this exciting and innocent sex teens have and I couldn't explore my sexuality like "normal" twenty-somethings can.
You know what's ironic? At the end of highschool we had a year book. And beforehand all pupils of my year were asked different questions, like who will be the most successful person, who was the prettiest person, who was never seen in school, and so on and so forth. And one question was, with which person would you like to have sex. Now guess, who was number one in that category. Yes, it was me. By a large margin. And now guess, who hasn't had any sex with anybody. Yes, it was me... It crushed me during that time, because apparently there were a plethora of pretty girls who secretly wanted to have sex with me... And I had no clue. Maybe, it was for the better because you and me both know that I wouldn't have been able to perform anyways.
But you know what? It's all in the rear-view. There is no chance of rolling back the time and change things. Focus on the present. What you do now defines the outcome of your future. Pretty simple. There is no point in being sad about the past, because you cannot change it. There is literally NOTHING you can do about it. So don't dwell on it, because if you do, it will catch up on you, make you sad, make you bitter and nothing good has ever been a result of it.
There is plenty of good sex to be had in your remaining thirties, even in your fourties and fifties. Maybe even the sixties and seventies ;D. You get the idea...
So please, do yourself the favor and just focus on the task at hand. About the rest, you can worry later.
Hope it helps.
Take care!
you remember what I wrote in the PM? In this stage of your reboot, you only have to worry about one thing which is staying away from PMO. Don't worry about sex, don't worry about dating, don't worry about anything else but abstaining from PMO. Let your brain do the healing, let your brain regulate the dopamine receptors back to normal, and then you can worry about the rest. Your emotions will come back, your masculinity will come back, and your confidence will return. Let me tell you this, I once was PMO-free for 120 days and my level of operation was through the roof. I was effortlessly able to ask for a girl's number who I fancied at the time, I was easily able to go on a date with her (talk about a fish outta water, something I hadn't done in more than 10 years), and I left a very good impression on her. Without even trying too hard. It all just came naturally. Just give it time, good things are bound to happen, you gotta trust me on this.
About the wasted years, I'm in the same boat. I'm 31 years old, only had sex twice and it was horrible because I was barely able to perform. Not counting the countless times I left the girls sad and confused because I wasn't able to get it up at all. Crushing to say the least. I wasted all my youth and all my twenties in regards of sexuality. I will never be able to have this exciting and innocent sex teens have and I couldn't explore my sexuality like "normal" twenty-somethings can.
You know what's ironic? At the end of highschool we had a year book. And beforehand all pupils of my year were asked different questions, like who will be the most successful person, who was the prettiest person, who was never seen in school, and so on and so forth. And one question was, with which person would you like to have sex. Now guess, who was number one in that category. Yes, it was me. By a large margin. And now guess, who hasn't had any sex with anybody. Yes, it was me... It crushed me during that time, because apparently there were a plethora of pretty girls who secretly wanted to have sex with me... And I had no clue. Maybe, it was for the better because you and me both know that I wouldn't have been able to perform anyways.
But you know what? It's all in the rear-view. There is no chance of rolling back the time and change things. Focus on the present. What you do now defines the outcome of your future. Pretty simple. There is no point in being sad about the past, because you cannot change it. There is literally NOTHING you can do about it. So don't dwell on it, because if you do, it will catch up on you, make you sad, make you bitter and nothing good has ever been a result of it.
There is plenty of good sex to be had in your remaining thirties, even in your fourties and fifties. Maybe even the sixties and seventies ;D. You get the idea...
So please, do yourself the favor and just focus on the task at hand. About the rest, you can worry later.
Hope it helps.
Take care!
KittyHawk
Active Member
DAY 10
I woke up around 5am with strong urges and fantasies about one of my favorite nude models. My brain progressed soon to my favorite P genre. Just fantasy made me rock hard. I touched myself but stopped. It is clear that I am moving in the right direction when just fantasy can already make me hard. I don?t want to lose this progress.
The temptation is sooo big right now. :-\
I woke up around 5am with strong urges and fantasies about one of my favorite nude models. My brain progressed soon to my favorite P genre. Just fantasy made me rock hard. I touched myself but stopped. It is clear that I am moving in the right direction when just fantasy can already make me hard. I don?t want to lose this progress.
The temptation is sooo big right now. :-\
C
changemylife
Guest
I know how this works, bro. I've had this routine, edging in the morning by fantasizing and rubbing my dick against the bed. And now when I want to quit, this is not good anymore but it keeps coming, like the train arriving in the station. I wake up - fantasies, urges to start rubbing against the bed. It's super annoying. I have to turn face up and even get up early.KittyHawk said:
KittyHawk
Active Member
Pete McVries: Thanks. I am trying to stay focused on the future. But it is hard not to feel bitter for my past and I am also scared that I might not be able to defeat my addiction. After all, I am battling it for years now.
changemylife: Yes, I feel like my addiction is taking advantage of the moment when I am still half asleep and not fully in control. Mornings are definitely the most high-risk times for me.
changemylife: Yes, I feel like my addiction is taking advantage of the moment when I am still half asleep and not fully in control. Mornings are definitely the most high-risk times for me.
Pete McVries
Active Member
If you continue to feel bitter and don't change your mindset, you will helplessly relapse because the bitterness will be fuel to the relapse fire. Constant negative feelings are a huge trigger. That's the truth.
I wish you all the best!
I wish you all the best!