19 Year Old Guy Trying To Recover From PIED

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 11

Dreamt about relapsing again. It?s annoying but to me it?s proof of the brain rewiring. Yesterday was pretty crappy as I experienced a massive urge but I managed to fight it off. I just have to be strong and everything will work out.

 

[Pete McVries]

Well done! These dreams are super annoying and sometimes even frightening but they will happen less frequenlty until they fade eventually.

May I ask what language you are learning? And do you have a specific goal when you think of starting going to the gym? Weight loss or muscle gain? Or do you wanna practice sports in general without a goal in mind?

Thanks for your kind words!

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Well done! These dreams are super annoying and sometimes even frightening but they will happen less frequenlty until they fade eventually.

May I ask what language you are learning? And do you have a specific goal when you think of starting going to the gym? Weight loss or muscle gain? Or do you wanna practice sports in general without a goal in mind?

Thanks for your kind words!

Thanks! That?s quite reassuring. Oh and by the way Happy Birthday! (;D)

As for the language I?m learning it?s Latvian. I live in Latvia but it?s not my native language. However, I have to learn it or I will not be able to get a job ). I?m looking into going to the gym for health reasons and because I want to build muscle mass. I am skinny-fat but my actual weight is not that big so I assume I look that way because of my weak muscles and that?s what I hope to fix.

 

[Pete McVries]

Thank you !

How did you end up living in Latvia? I heard, it's a beautiful country. I'd love to travel the Baltic states one day. Very interesting culture and the countryside must be beautiful as well.

Do you have any pre existing experience with weight lifting? Will you go alone or have training partner or a buddy who is already into lifting?

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Thank you !

How did you end up living in Latvia? I heard, it's a beautiful country. I'd love to travel the Baltic states one day. Very interesting culture and the countryside must be beautiful as well.

Do you have any pre existing experience with weight lifting? Will you go alone or have training partner or a buddy who is already into lifting?

I was born here (). And it's a pretty nice place to live in. You should definitely go there sometime!

As for weight lifting I do not really have any substantial experience. I will probably try to find a personal trainer because the last time I tried to weight lift on my own I could barely move my arms afterwards because they hurt like hell. D)

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 12

Yesterday was OK. Not too bad but not too great either. Felt tired, experienced some anxiety, my face was hot for some reason and I also experienced ?blue balls? for the first time in my life.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 13

Not much happened except getting ?blue balls? again.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 14 - Second week complete!

Yesterday was a mixed bag. On one hand I managed to finally achieve a 2 week streak after months of trying but on the other hand I also had some close calls yesterday. Random sexual thoughts and fantasies are starting to turn into a noticeable problem as they make it harder to abstain. But I managed to push through and crisis has been averted. The only good thing is that I have been getting semi-erections while being horny. But they have been caused by sexual thoughts so that?s not very good.
In conclusion, I am going to not dwell on this too much and keep pushing forward. Hopefully, next week is going to be the week when I surpass my record streak.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 15

Yesterday was terrible. I did not experience any urges and cravings so I think I may be starting to flatline. But that's not the bad part. The bad part was the roller-coast of emotions that I experienced. First, I was anxious. Then I had a panic attack. After that I felt extremely depressed. And finally, after many hours of being depressed I have become absolutely calm.

I have also read an article one of the users on YourBrainRebalanced shared with me about Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) and I believe that that's what I'm suffering from as depression, anxiety and mood swings are listed as symptoms. Well, if that's how it is all that I can done is to grit my teeth and carry on.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 16

Monday wasn't very good either. Don't really have any libido right now. My cravings have drastically lessened but it seems they have been replaced by severe anxiety. I felt so bad that I could have relapsed. But I remembered that if I don't stay strong I'll have to start all over again and have to suffer through more of this BS. So, I'm staying strong.

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 17

Anxiety seems to have disappeared and I'm feeling much better. Not experiencing any urges.

 

[penguin_36]

Good going brother!

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Good going brother!

Thank you!

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 18

I'm feeling ok. Today is the day I shall surpass my record streak.

 

[Pete McVries]

Great! Keep the train rolling! Oh, and if you don't mind me asking, how come you were born in Lithuania and you're living there but don't speak the language ;D?

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Great! Keep the train rolling! Oh, and if you don't mind me asking, how come you were born in Lithuania and you're living there but don't speak the language ;D?

Thank you Pete! And don't be afraid to ask questions! I don't bite ()

As for the language question the reason Latvian is not my native language is because my family hails from Belarus and I grew up in a majority Russian-speaking neighborhood. A lot of Russians and Russian-speaking people emigrated to Latvia looking for work back when it was a part of the Soviet Union with my grandparents being one of those people. And I might have slightly exaggerated when I said that I don't speak the language. I am relatively fluent in it when it comes to talking but my knowledge of grammar still leaves much to be desired. There are several reasons for that the first one being that because of growing-up in a "Russian" neighbourhood and rarely interacting with Latvians I didn't have many opportunities to train and the second one being that the public education system in Latvia is simply horrendous (the only reason I even know how to speak and write at a decent level is solely because of the private tutors).

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 19

I have finally managed to surpass my previous longest streak (18 days) after 5 months of trying. However, I think that I'm flatlining as my penis is limp and my libido is pretty much non-existent. I also experienced yet another nightmare about watching porn last night.

 

[Pete McVries]

Congratulations and thanks for clarifying about the language .

About the limp penis, the flatline and the porn dreams: Try not to worry about them too much and take it as a sign of healing. Your brain is craving porn, you are not feeding it, the healing continues and cravings will get less eventually. Porn dreams are super annyoing and really messed up sometimes (at least mine were) but I can't recall when I had the last porn dream. Must be at least 2 months ago or so. You see, things will get better a lot eventually. And when your libido returns, you'll know, trust me... All I can say is, make sure to use that fuel and make good use of it. Being on hardmode for x amount of days made me go out and get to know a girl to have sex (again). Without hardmode, that would have never happened, that I can say without a doubt.

Take care!

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Congratulations and thanks for clarifying about the language .

About the limp penis, the flatline and the porn dreams: Try not to worry about them too much and take it as a sign of healing. Your brain is craving porn, you are not feeding it, the healing continues and cravings will get less eventually. Porn dreams are super annyoing and really messed up sometimes (at least mine were) but I can't recall when I had the last porn dream. Must be at least 2 months ago or so. You see, things will get better a lot eventually. And when your libido returns, you'll know, trust me... All I can say is, make sure to use that fuel and make good use of it. Being on hardmode for x amount of days made me go out and get to know a girl to have sex (again). Without hardmode, that would have never happened, that I can say without a doubt.

Take care!

Thanks Pete! 

 

[GreenSwampMan]

Day 20

I'm doing alright. Urges to watch porn and masturbate have evaporated. I'm also feeling less anxious than before.