A new beginning

[pichaelthompson]

So it's been an interesting past few days. For the last 2 days, my friends have been ghosting me, and then I see them hanging out on Snapchat which really hit me hard. But instead of holding it in and being negative about it like I have done in the past, I texted them and asked them to tell me the truth as to why they won't hit me up when they hang. One friend said that he thinks I don't ever want to do anything (due to me rejecting him sometimes last year + he knows money is tight for me so he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable when they go out) and another feels like I have been taking advantage of him giving me rides (picking me up from my place bc I don't have a car) and am always the one to take food/drink or whatever rather than provide it. I've honestly never had any problems like this with my other friends before, so it was definitely shocking to hear. I told them I'm definitely down to hang alot more this year and promised to provide more food/drink and uber/bus more if I have to. But part of me feels like they didn't recognize the effort I put into trying to hang with them last year as I asked them multiple times and they almost always ghosted me. I guess I have a lingering feeling of resentment that's not healthy because we made up and everything's good, so this is something I can let go of and move forward.

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Yeah, that's tough, but it sounds like you're thinking through it and acting on it in a good way. I'm definitely a person to hold in my resentment rather than actually work things out.

Just keep on doing what you're doing. I guarantee you're making more progress than it sometimes feels like.

 

[pichaelthompson]

Thanks, man. While I haven?t felt like I made much progress recently, just knowing that I?ve been letting urges come and go is enough. Pretty busy last few days, really looking forward to this weekend!

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Yeah, that's huge. Developing a capacity to let the urges come and go without messing you up is huge. I'm super happy for you that you're experiencing that.

Have a great weekend!

 

[pichaelthompson]

Man, this week has been crazy busy. Rehearsals, practicing for an audition, class, homework, working out...even putting myself out there more and hanging out with people. I think partly I had the mindset of "well this year can't be any worse than last so fuck it" and I started to care less about how I am around people, and it's given me some nice confidence. Obviously, there's a long way to go, and not everything is great all the time, especially with stress levels and lingering insomnia, but I haven't felt this positive in grad school maybe since the 1st week of last year lol

Triggers are less and less, especially as I spend less time on electronics, and when I do it's mostly some music or a dabble in Netflix or youtube, nothing close to what I was doing before. I think its important to find the right balance of things in life, and be willing to change or break habits if things aren't going your way for a while. I've been talking to a girl, and we've been trying to schedule a time to meet but it's been crazy busy for both of us so it looks like it won't happen until a couple weeks from now But atleast there's something to look forward to....PMO be gone!

 

[Kraken]

Great stuff dude! 

 

[BlueHeronFan]

Awesome report!  Grad school is crazy busy. I feel you on that one.

But it's awesome that you're feeling better about things and that the urges and triggers are diminishing! And you have potential plans with a girl, also great!

Enjoy your weekend and keep on doing what you're doing!

 

[Quitforeverthenwin]

Great man, keep it up! Being super busy is one of the best places to be imo.

 

[Non-Dual Adventurer]

Hey man, how have you been? You haven't posted in a while! I hope everything's going okay and don't forget we're all rooting for you.