2 weeks today. But also, almost went down today, went to youtube looking for some shady videos, saw a few, nothing explicit, but stoped myself then and there. Opened up a book I found some time ago about some puritan prayers, someone recommended to me, and read one, it was pretty good, it made sense to hat I was going through. I will sahre it with you guys, maybe it'll work, maybe not.
O SUPREME MOVING CAUSE
May I always be subordinate to thee,
be dependent upon thee,
be found in the path where thou dost walk,
and where thy Spirit moves,
take heed of estrangement from thee,
of becoming insensible to thy love.
Thou dost not move men like stones,
but dost endue them with life,
not to enable them to move without thee,
but in submission to thee, the first mover.
O Lord, I am astonished at the difference
between my receivings and my deservings,
between the state I am now in and my past
gracelessness,
between the heaven I am bound for and
the hell I merit.
Who made me to differ, but thee?
for I was no more ready to receive Christ
than were others;
I could not have begun to love thee hadst thou not
first loved me,
or been willing unless thou hadst first made me so.
O that such a crown should fit the head of such
a sinner!
such high advancement be for an unfruitful
person!
such joys for so vile a rebel!
Infinite wisdom cast the design of salvation
into the mould of purchase and freedom;
Let wrath deserved be written on the door of hell,
But the free gift of grace on the gate of heaven.
I know that my sufferings are the result of my
sinning,
but in heaven both shall cease;
Grant me to attain this haven and be done
with sailing,
and may the gales of thy mercy blow me safely
into harbour.
Let thy love draw me nearer to thyself,
wean me from sin, mortify me to this world,
and make me ready for my departure hence.
Secure me by thy grace as I sail across this
stormy sea.
https://banneroftruth.org/us/devotional/the-mover/
The last line, the one in bold, is the one that made me think about what I felt this morning, this stormy sea of life and porn addiction.
