Day 6
I had to wake up early and I was really tired for a few hours but around 10 AM I started to see more clearly. Tomorrow, I will wake up early again. I have to deliver the papers and be hired at this new job then go to their doctor for medical tests.
Urges are not present at all. I don't feel energized and I'm dealing with some anxiety. I think I need at least one more week to feel more energy and less anxiety. I haven't drunk in a week and I don't plan to but I have moments when my mind wonders to "Man, let's have some fun!" I don't need any obstacles right now, this job is important to me. I've been waiting for it for 3 freaking years and before that I invested a lot of energy in getting it. I cannot sabotage myself with drinking and PMO binges. I don't need to be a zombie. I made the mistake to PMO last Tuesday and on the same day I found out I was going to be hired. It sucks, man. I need at least 2 weeks to be in a better state of mind for such things. Shit. But anyway, at least I will have 1 week, it could've been worse, it could've been just 1 day. I guess that's how my mind works. It's also a psychological thing when I reach "that number of days". I automatically start feeling better.
One last thing I want to say: P is the opposite of living. You cannot be at your maximum potential and invested in P at the same time. You have to choose one. I choose life. I choose this job, I choose the attempt to make some friends, I choose some hobbies that I want to start. P is like a stone that is tied to your leg when you walk.
