Hope the job comes through.
New Start
- Thread starter Rookie
- Start date
So quick update, I got an offer from the company I was hoping would. Substantial increase compared to what I'm making now, all from home and dayshift - ish. This should help my wife with her sleep again.
And this is over 48 hrs done without even any temptation. So far, the fact that my close friend gets a report, is a strong deterrent from wanting to look at anything.
And this is over 48 hrs done without even any temptation. So far, the fact that my close friend gets a report, is a strong deterrent from wanting to look at anything.
So Monday was my first in this journey with the help of an app. UNREAL the difference when you KNOW random screenshots are taken at random times and sent to your accountability partner. To be truthful, I'm not even tempted to look all that much. YES there are still moments when I want to cave, but not nearly as much as I thought I would. I thought I would be going through huge cravings. Nope, not that bad. I know it's only been 5 days, and the biggest battle is coming in the next couple of weeks. But this week, not as tough as I thought it would have been.
Now, the downside, my wife, absolutely no drive. Even when I give her a hug "just a hug, I'm not in the mood". Then I respond, "I know, it's just a hug I wanted". Then she blows up "is sex all I'm good for?". That's when I WANT to respond "Can't use that logic if we're only intimate once a month, or every 2 months". But, I shut up, and move on.
At this point, I only have 3 more weeks to wait to see if the new job improves things. 2 weeks resignation has been given, then I fly out of province for a week's training. Then, both of us can go to sleep at a reasonable time every night. Currently, she goes to bed at around 9pm, and has to wake up at 1am when I get home to go to her bedroom.
Really hoping solid sleep will help us out. We all know, when a woman lacks sleep....
Now, the downside, my wife, absolutely no drive. Even when I give her a hug "just a hug, I'm not in the mood". Then I respond, "I know, it's just a hug I wanted". Then she blows up "is sex all I'm good for?". That's when I WANT to respond "Can't use that logic if we're only intimate once a month, or every 2 months". But, I shut up, and move on.
At this point, I only have 3 more weeks to wait to see if the new job improves things. 2 weeks resignation has been given, then I fly out of province for a week's training. Then, both of us can go to sleep at a reasonable time every night. Currently, she goes to bed at around 9pm, and has to wake up at 1am when I get home to go to her bedroom.
Really hoping solid sleep will help us out. We all know, when a woman lacks sleep....
Still no viewing. However, tonight was a very rough night. My wife is going through menopause (or trying to balance her hormones from her last bikini competition). We halfway cuddled on the couch watching a movie. Then when she suspected I was hoping to have intimacy (been a few weeks) she blew up. Essentially, that she hates everything about her body. Hates sex with me because she doesn't enjoy it and the rant went on and on.
I know she's going through some very tough times. And it really hurts when she comes back with "I don't want to see anyone for help". I love her, everything about her and being hurt doesn't describe what I'm going through.
I'm having major issues having and keeping an erection. I'm on TRT to help it, and while I'm quitting porn, I can't "test the waters" on the erection, cause I know I can get one no problem with porn.
Tonight, I was thinking of caving, but I realized, it's been since Monday, and I don't want to start the streak again. Whether my wife and I have have intimacy or not. Right now, all I can do is absorb the anger, even when she threatens divorce due to her unhappiness in her own body. I really don't think it's her talking, but her hormones and frustrations with everything else.
I can just keep strong, hold back on my addiction and hopefully, next time it does happen, both the ED and PE will both be gone.
I could go on, but suffice to say, tonight was a good evening while eating and watching the movie. Then downhill from there.
Seriously hoping these hormone things can be regulated, and her mood can come back.
Not a great time in this house.
Till the next update, will keep strong in resisting.
I know she's going through some very tough times. And it really hurts when she comes back with "I don't want to see anyone for help". I love her, everything about her and being hurt doesn't describe what I'm going through.
I'm having major issues having and keeping an erection. I'm on TRT to help it, and while I'm quitting porn, I can't "test the waters" on the erection, cause I know I can get one no problem with porn.
Tonight, I was thinking of caving, but I realized, it's been since Monday, and I don't want to start the streak again. Whether my wife and I have have intimacy or not. Right now, all I can do is absorb the anger, even when she threatens divorce due to her unhappiness in her own body. I really don't think it's her talking, but her hormones and frustrations with everything else.
I can just keep strong, hold back on my addiction and hopefully, next time it does happen, both the ED and PE will both be gone.
I could go on, but suffice to say, tonight was a good evening while eating and watching the movie. Then downhill from there.
Seriously hoping these hormone things can be regulated, and her mood can come back.
Not a great time in this house.
Till the next update, will keep strong in resisting.
Would she let you massage her feet? Connection is more important than sex from the sound of it right now.
Another day without viewing. Frustrations are there, but I told myself, even if nothing happens for another month, so be it. I need a mental cleanse (from addiction) and a mind reset from my wife's frustrations. Today, before going to work (I unfortunately work 7 days as week to make ends meet), I went to give my wife a hug from behind while she was laying on the sofa. So I gently put my hands on her shoulders, and she jumped and nearly started crying saying "You know you're not supposed to do that, my anxiety is really, really high". To which I finally told her "It's getting bad, when we're the only ones in the house, and I can't hug you. You need help to deal with this anxiety. You need to see a counsellor"
She then said she felt guilty for having a cheat meal yesterday. I told her she wasn't in competition mode, that was back in April and that she can relax a bit. She said she can't relax, cause she's afraid of getting fat. I wanted to scream so bad, but I kept my composure. She's 50, and she just won a gold medal in the 50+ division, silver in the 35+ division, and a bronze in the open division (every age, including 18 yr olds). To accomplish this, you have to be in a phenomenal condition, physically. Just look at competitors. They have no body fat.
She just won't let go because she doesn't want to age. Then she gets mad and depressed when others don't share her passion in this industry. I told her that she can be as passionate as she wants, but she can't expect everyone else to follow or support her. As her husband, I do support her, but 3 competitions in a row, sex life ruined, no intimacy, short tempered and hormones are even running scared of her, I truly don't know where to put myself.
Then I just saw her post that she's competing again April 2024. I need tires and brakes on my truck ($2500) and I have to finance it. I can afford it, however, I refuse to let my emergency fund dip below a threshold.
I don't know what to do at this point. I want to support her. I just really hope she seeks help to bring her back to a healthy, but non competitive life, where we can be a married couple again.
End of rant, I always figure things out. Just sometimes, good to write things out, saves from acting frustrations out in public.
She then said she felt guilty for having a cheat meal yesterday. I told her she wasn't in competition mode, that was back in April and that she can relax a bit. She said she can't relax, cause she's afraid of getting fat. I wanted to scream so bad, but I kept my composure. She's 50, and she just won a gold medal in the 50+ division, silver in the 35+ division, and a bronze in the open division (every age, including 18 yr olds). To accomplish this, you have to be in a phenomenal condition, physically. Just look at competitors. They have no body fat.
She just won't let go because she doesn't want to age. Then she gets mad and depressed when others don't share her passion in this industry. I told her that she can be as passionate as she wants, but she can't expect everyone else to follow or support her. As her husband, I do support her, but 3 competitions in a row, sex life ruined, no intimacy, short tempered and hormones are even running scared of her, I truly don't know where to put myself.
Then I just saw her post that she's competing again April 2024. I need tires and brakes on my truck ($2500) and I have to finance it. I can afford it, however, I refuse to let my emergency fund dip below a threshold.
I don't know what to do at this point. I want to support her. I just really hope she seeks help to bring her back to a healthy, but non competitive life, where we can be a married couple again.
End of rant, I always figure things out. Just sometimes, good to write things out, saves from acting frustrations out in public.
Have you considered making a therapy appointment for both of you together? That might help get her started.
She’ll feel a lot better when her self image isn’t tied up entirely with her appearance.
First week is in the books with success.
I saw a post from my wife, that's she's competing again April next year. These competitions have turned us into roommates. I hate it. Every minute of it. I hate what it's done to her mind, her body, her obsession with the sport. There are many, many more things I hate about it, and will suffice to say, if you want to know more, just look up Narcissus in Greek Mythology. I just want my wife back.
However, all that being said above, I would be a fool to go cry to her now, when I KNOW I have issues. ED, PIED, PE. I remember back in 2021, when I kicked this thing for a few months, the sex was phenomenal. Erections were there, and lasted. I know if we actually tried right now, there's a strong possibility that she still wouldn't enjoy herself and I would ruin it for a while longer. Might as just hold tight, have some patience and realize, it's not the end of the world if I wait a couple more weeks.
When you're addicted to PMO, you think it's the end of the world. But what if I was single, and no PMO. I would have to wait till the next date anyway. This time, it's a healthy cleanse, mind, and body.
We keep fooling ourselves when we convince ourselves, just one more time. One more time ruins the entire process. Here's to another few days.
I saw a post from my wife, that's she's competing again April next year. These competitions have turned us into roommates. I hate it. Every minute of it. I hate what it's done to her mind, her body, her obsession with the sport. There are many, many more things I hate about it, and will suffice to say, if you want to know more, just look up Narcissus in Greek Mythology. I just want my wife back.
However, all that being said above, I would be a fool to go cry to her now, when I KNOW I have issues. ED, PIED, PE. I remember back in 2021, when I kicked this thing for a few months, the sex was phenomenal. Erections were there, and lasted. I know if we actually tried right now, there's a strong possibility that she still wouldn't enjoy herself and I would ruin it for a while longer. Might as just hold tight, have some patience and realize, it's not the end of the world if I wait a couple more weeks.
When you're addicted to PMO, you think it's the end of the world. But what if I was single, and no PMO. I would have to wait till the next date anyway. This time, it's a healthy cleanse, mind, and body.
We keep fooling ourselves when we convince ourselves, just one more time. One more time ruins the entire process. Here's to another few days.
Sorry to hear about your wife.
Setting up barriers for yourself was very shrewd.
Stay strong!
I was able to fight it for 6 months a few years ago. I know myself too well now. If the app is what I need, so be it. Especially once you pass the 1 week mark, the streak begins and hence some of the benefits.
One week left to go at the old job. Bittersweet. Especially since all the mechanics told me "Once you're gone, this shift is going to turn to crap. You're the only one that knows what's going on in parts, service, service calls, warranty, client spending limits....the rest of them, are either lazy, or don't care to know". I appreciate my co-workers more than I did my boss. No raise or anything, and only approached me to give me a match of $10K increase when I dropped my notice.
Well, hopefully the next company will appreciate my skills and experience more than the previous one.
And on the temptation side, still no PMO, and my wife as actually in the mood. The downside, couldn't keep hard (even though it has been about a month since the last time, and 2 weeks of PMO). I suspect this point it's because my doctor prescribed me too much of a small dose of TRT, which would have affected me negatively. She has adjusted it Wednesday, so hopefully onward and upward.
Well, hopefully the next company will appreciate my skills and experience more than the previous one.
And on the temptation side, still no PMO, and my wife as actually in the mood. The downside, couldn't keep hard (even though it has been about a month since the last time, and 2 weeks of PMO). I suspect this point it's because my doctor prescribed me too much of a small dose of TRT, which would have affected me negatively. She has adjusted it Wednesday, so hopefully onward and upward.
Make sure you do lots of nekked snuggling while you wait for Mr. Happy to sort himself out. And keep in mind that intercourse without orgasm is actually a "thing". The ancient Taoists swore by it. If your wife is willing to engage in still intercourse, you can employ "soft entry." Good for giggles if nothing else.
I'm flying out next week, so hoping for one or 2 more "interactions" from here to there. But just the fact that she was in the mood, Pedro was excited. Progress, progress. Took me a long time to get to where I am, might take me a bit to get back, but it will be worth it.
So, I was about to crash and burn. Even after some much needed release last night. I find it amazing how my biggest temptation is usually after sex. Almost like my system said "there's a bit left, need to take care of it".
This morning, my wife went to our part time job (we work for a close friend, and the agreement is that Saturday afternoons and Sundays are ours. He doesn't care who is at the story, as long as one of us is there) then I take the afternoon shift.
Well, as soon as my wife left, my mind started racing, even to the point of wanting to uninstall the safeguards I have on my PC, watch a movie that I know has some suggestive material in it. So I thought, I'll follow advice from many on this board. I do NOT have the motivation for the gym yet. But I have a dog here that has major anxiety. So, set the timer on my phone for about 30 minutes (that's about the time I would have wasted anyway) and head out.
I have never realized how much, when you want to clear your head, a brisk walk can do that. Got back to the house, and while I can't say the urge is completely gone, I can say, it's much more manageable to walk away. Besides, I was also thinking, I have 2 weeks done, do I really want to start over?
And, here are a couple of pictures of the scenery. Quick note, Samsung S23 Ultra takes wicked pictures. Without any settings. I really had to shrink these for them to fit.
This morning, my wife went to our part time job (we work for a close friend, and the agreement is that Saturday afternoons and Sundays are ours. He doesn't care who is at the story, as long as one of us is there) then I take the afternoon shift.
Well, as soon as my wife left, my mind started racing, even to the point of wanting to uninstall the safeguards I have on my PC, watch a movie that I know has some suggestive material in it. So I thought, I'll follow advice from many on this board. I do NOT have the motivation for the gym yet. But I have a dog here that has major anxiety. So, set the timer on my phone for about 30 minutes (that's about the time I would have wasted anyway) and head out.
I have never realized how much, when you want to clear your head, a brisk walk can do that. Got back to the house, and while I can't say the urge is completely gone, I can say, it's much more manageable to walk away. Besides, I was also thinking, I have 2 weeks done, do I really want to start over?
And, here are a couple of pictures of the scenery. Quick note, Samsung S23 Ultra takes wicked pictures. Without any settings. I really had to shrink these for them to fit.
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Good job! Having a pet is a real gift. Those walks are precious.
Are you familiar with the “chaser effect“? If not, look it up on nofap.com. There’s no need to drain the rest of your sexual energy. That energy is what lets you get other things done. We have a bad habit of thinking that any sexual desire means that we need to exhaust it completely.
Yep, I know about the chaser effect. Dealt with it in the past. Not fun.