rebooter26
Member
Hi Guys,
I Finally took the time to write my personal post after reading hundreds of posts on yourbrainonporn.com, and I felt that I had to contribute as well.
English is not my native language so please disregard any mistakes.
I hope this post will help someone on this forum as well as help me fully recover from PIED (would be more than happy to receive advice from people who fully recovered)
Porn - Anal Fetish
Growing up, I experienced a delayed puberty in my teens so I started having sexual impulses only at 14 years old. The delay in puberty made me look 5 years younger (which I still do but now it's perfectly fine) leading to some confidence and immaturity issues at that time.
As a result, in my teens, I was too shy or immature to approach real girls and immediately turned to Porn!
I was instantly hooked on high speed internet porn and quickly escalated to Anal Fetish within a year (stuck on this fetish most of my sexual life). I fapped 2-3 times per day. The feeling was amazing!
At that time I had an extremely high libido and was both very excited by real girls and the porn I was watching. After 3-4 years i was getting more and more picky on the porn videos but still enjoyed a very high libido, always jerking off to Anal porn or Anal fantasies.
PIED - Performance anxiety - Depression - HOCD
Around 18 years old, I became more mature and started approaching girls. I got my first sexual encounters with girls. The were all disastrous, I could not get hard at all, Vagina or vanilla sex did nothing for me, leading to severe performance anxiety.
From this point my libido dropped fast (because of performance anxiety and depression) and became non existent at 22 years old (could not even get hard to porn anymore). My life became hell emotionally.
Because of my sex insecurities and my emotions, I could never keep a girlfriend more than 2-3 weeks.
At age 24, I hit rock bottom and developed severe HOCD (Homosexual OCD) which completely destroyed me. OCD is so debilitating and painful, I would not wish it to my worst enemy. I became suicidal and missed on many life opportunities. By the way, as with PIED, i had no idea of what it was (I thought I was the only one in the world experiencing this) and only 4 years later upon finding online articles on the subject, I understood that I had OCD.
Between 25 and 28 I still managed to get a long term girlfriend with which I had regular sex (but I always had to play a Porn fantasy in my mind to be hard, and could only do certain positions like doggy style). 20% of my libido came back but this time only linked to Porn or Porn fantasies, no more to real life girls.
At age 29, after finding out that I was experiencing OCD, I immediately started to work on it (I watched tons of youtube videos on the subject posted by OCD youtubers who had recovered from it).
Fixing my OCD became my priority and after hard work, a year later, my OCD was down to 20%. As my mental health became better I decided that I now needed to fix my sexual problem.
By applying the same method I found gabe's youtube videos and for the first time I understood that my sexual problem was shared by many men all over the world and was called PIED.
Reboot
I immediately committed to a reboot and experienced the flatline right away. (to tell the truth I think I was already in a flatline for multiple years but now it was even worse)
During the first year, I was edging on and off to my porn fantasies (thinking only orgasming or watching porn was the problem). I have relapsed few times by masturbating when urges were too strong or simply after testing if my dick still worked after not feeling any sexual desire for days.
I was still seeing girls and had to rely on playing porn fantasies in my mind to get it up when getting sexual (most of the time not successful due to performance anxiety), so in a way this always messed up my progress.
I hooked up with very hot girls for the past 2 years and nothing happened when i saw them naked. The only way of getting erect was still through playing my porn fantasies in my mind.
Since the beginning of my reboot I have had some successful sex with girls (sometimes with the morning wood, sometimes by playing the porn fantasy until i got erect) as well as some failures (sometimes with the same girls)
After every successful sex, I thought I was cured and felt really happy. WRONG!! Failures and the flatline brought back the anxiety and depression as if nothing had changed.
Progress
A year after my reboot I became more strict about the process and decided to take it to the next level in order to finally get the results I wanted.
I stopped edging completely and have relapsed by masturbating only 3-4 times to porn in the past 6 months (up until 3 months ago).
I had maybe 20 wet dreams in this period as well.
My morning wood came back strong, almost every morning and I got some sensitivity back in my penis.
My mood really improved as well as my confidence.
Where I am Today
My last relapse was 3 months ago, I did not activate my porn fantasies nor seen any porn since, I am getting strong morning wood every morning.
But during the day, I feel absolutely no sexual desire. I still cannot feel anything down there when I am making up with a girl or when I see a hot girl in the street. I have no libido at all. I can get erect when I touch myself without porn fantasy (was impossible before) but the erection fades away as soon as i stop touching as it is not powered by libido. God I miss the incredible and powerful feeling of having a strong libido!!
My OCD is completely over! (it took me about 3 years of constant work on myself to eradicate it). I enjoy life a lot more and I am getting a lot less daily anxiety. I am in a much better place emotionally.
I have included healthy habits in my daily routine (meditation, reading, cold showers, eating healthy 70% of the time, etc..)
I have recently given up on smoking weed.
I feel a lot more happy and the only thing that I am missing now is a libido toward real women and real intimacy in order to be able to feel confident to have sex.
Even though I am very confident with women I still have these horrible insecurities and anxiety related to sex.
I am very fit (have been training 6 times a week for the past 12 years) and I am pretty good looking which adds to the frustration since I get many encounters and opportunities with very hot girls nowadays.
I have clearly seen some progress but my libido is still non existent. Should I wait some more? Do I have to kick start libido by doing certain things? Is rewiring with a real woman mandatory in order to get the libido back? I truly miss my libido, I feel incomplete without it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hope to update you guys with some good news soon!
PLEASE READ MY NEW POST ON SUCCESSFUL REWIRING
I Finally took the time to write my personal post after reading hundreds of posts on yourbrainonporn.com, and I felt that I had to contribute as well.
English is not my native language so please disregard any mistakes.
I hope this post will help someone on this forum as well as help me fully recover from PIED (would be more than happy to receive advice from people who fully recovered)
Porn - Anal Fetish
Growing up, I experienced a delayed puberty in my teens so I started having sexual impulses only at 14 years old. The delay in puberty made me look 5 years younger (which I still do but now it's perfectly fine) leading to some confidence and immaturity issues at that time.
As a result, in my teens, I was too shy or immature to approach real girls and immediately turned to Porn!
I was instantly hooked on high speed internet porn and quickly escalated to Anal Fetish within a year (stuck on this fetish most of my sexual life). I fapped 2-3 times per day. The feeling was amazing!
At that time I had an extremely high libido and was both very excited by real girls and the porn I was watching. After 3-4 years i was getting more and more picky on the porn videos but still enjoyed a very high libido, always jerking off to Anal porn or Anal fantasies.
PIED - Performance anxiety - Depression - HOCD
Around 18 years old, I became more mature and started approaching girls. I got my first sexual encounters with girls. The were all disastrous, I could not get hard at all, Vagina or vanilla sex did nothing for me, leading to severe performance anxiety.
From this point my libido dropped fast (because of performance anxiety and depression) and became non existent at 22 years old (could not even get hard to porn anymore). My life became hell emotionally.
Because of my sex insecurities and my emotions, I could never keep a girlfriend more than 2-3 weeks.
At age 24, I hit rock bottom and developed severe HOCD (Homosexual OCD) which completely destroyed me. OCD is so debilitating and painful, I would not wish it to my worst enemy. I became suicidal and missed on many life opportunities. By the way, as with PIED, i had no idea of what it was (I thought I was the only one in the world experiencing this) and only 4 years later upon finding online articles on the subject, I understood that I had OCD.
Between 25 and 28 I still managed to get a long term girlfriend with which I had regular sex (but I always had to play a Porn fantasy in my mind to be hard, and could only do certain positions like doggy style). 20% of my libido came back but this time only linked to Porn or Porn fantasies, no more to real life girls.
At age 29, after finding out that I was experiencing OCD, I immediately started to work on it (I watched tons of youtube videos on the subject posted by OCD youtubers who had recovered from it).
Fixing my OCD became my priority and after hard work, a year later, my OCD was down to 20%. As my mental health became better I decided that I now needed to fix my sexual problem.
By applying the same method I found gabe's youtube videos and for the first time I understood that my sexual problem was shared by many men all over the world and was called PIED.
Reboot
I immediately committed to a reboot and experienced the flatline right away. (to tell the truth I think I was already in a flatline for multiple years but now it was even worse)
During the first year, I was edging on and off to my porn fantasies (thinking only orgasming or watching porn was the problem). I have relapsed few times by masturbating when urges were too strong or simply after testing if my dick still worked after not feeling any sexual desire for days.
I was still seeing girls and had to rely on playing porn fantasies in my mind to get it up when getting sexual (most of the time not successful due to performance anxiety), so in a way this always messed up my progress.
I hooked up with very hot girls for the past 2 years and nothing happened when i saw them naked. The only way of getting erect was still through playing my porn fantasies in my mind.
Since the beginning of my reboot I have had some successful sex with girls (sometimes with the morning wood, sometimes by playing the porn fantasy until i got erect) as well as some failures (sometimes with the same girls)
After every successful sex, I thought I was cured and felt really happy. WRONG!! Failures and the flatline brought back the anxiety and depression as if nothing had changed.
Progress
A year after my reboot I became more strict about the process and decided to take it to the next level in order to finally get the results I wanted.
I stopped edging completely and have relapsed by masturbating only 3-4 times to porn in the past 6 months (up until 3 months ago).
I had maybe 20 wet dreams in this period as well.
My morning wood came back strong, almost every morning and I got some sensitivity back in my penis.
My mood really improved as well as my confidence.
Where I am Today
My last relapse was 3 months ago, I did not activate my porn fantasies nor seen any porn since, I am getting strong morning wood every morning.
But during the day, I feel absolutely no sexual desire. I still cannot feel anything down there when I am making up with a girl or when I see a hot girl in the street. I have no libido at all. I can get erect when I touch myself without porn fantasy (was impossible before) but the erection fades away as soon as i stop touching as it is not powered by libido. God I miss the incredible and powerful feeling of having a strong libido!!
My OCD is completely over! (it took me about 3 years of constant work on myself to eradicate it). I enjoy life a lot more and I am getting a lot less daily anxiety. I am in a much better place emotionally.
I have included healthy habits in my daily routine (meditation, reading, cold showers, eating healthy 70% of the time, etc..)
I have recently given up on smoking weed.
I feel a lot more happy and the only thing that I am missing now is a libido toward real women and real intimacy in order to be able to feel confident to have sex.
Even though I am very confident with women I still have these horrible insecurities and anxiety related to sex.
I am very fit (have been training 6 times a week for the past 12 years) and I am pretty good looking which adds to the frustration since I get many encounters and opportunities with very hot girls nowadays.
I have clearly seen some progress but my libido is still non existent. Should I wait some more? Do I have to kick start libido by doing certain things? Is rewiring with a real woman mandatory in order to get the libido back? I truly miss my libido, I feel incomplete without it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hope to update you guys with some good news soon!
PLEASE READ MY NEW POST ON SUCCESSFUL REWIRING