My Journey

Couldn't help posting. I've noticed that my erections have become very strong. All I have to do is think about sex. Not about porn, any sexual thought will do. I will get an erection without touching myself. Today I felt like masturbating, but instead I just looked and marvelled at the erection. I feel like I don't have to masturbate any longer to feel that masculinity. Seeing that my penis is working and "ready to go" gives me immense satisfaction. I know that when the situation arises for me to have sex, I would probably get an erection. Maybe not the first time, because I do experience performance anxiety, but maybe if I'd get a chance to relax with someone, I'm pretty confident I'd get a strong erection. I don't even have these half-erections any more. Okay, they aren't always as strong when I'm lying on my back, but when I'm standing up or sitting on a chair, my erection is rock hard. That's because a) gravity and b) restricted bloodflow away from the penis.

To sum it up, I'm doing pretty good, I think. Can't wait to see what day 100 is like. I know it won't be easy or anything, but I'm nearly half way there. Oh, and sorry for talking about my dick so much, I don't mean it to be awkward for you, hahah.
Thank you, but I have bad news.

I made it to day 51. I relapsed, it happened today. I was home alone and could not resist the urge. Well, it was not so much about the urge as it was about me choosing to give in. I watched porn, edged, stopped and then watched porn again and O'd.

So this is Day 0. At least I know I won't go on a binge. I will maybe have to change my strategy. If I'm home alone and horny, I can masturbate. Not to porn, just alone in the bathroom.
One thing I'm going to say is it's going to be a real struggle beating those 51 days. Damn. But at least I know my erections have gotten stronger, so I'm not at Day 0 with that.

Stay strong man and don't give up. I know I won't. This was a setback, but not a complete failure.

I'm back after a long pause. So I did go on a binge after all. Should have known better. I have had PMO free days, my longest streak has been five days. Relapsing has been very easy, I'll admit it. But I don't like who I have become - again. I want to get clean again. I want to be able to look in the mirror knowing that I'm a free and self-respecting man, not a sorry wanker. I know that porn is not sex and I've decided that if it's not real sex, I don't want anything to do with it.

Tomorrow will be day one. The first few days are the hardest, but I know I will be successful. I have to.

Talk to you on day 5.