Hoping to make the best decision with the rest of 2020

[avi]

Day 13

Today was an interesting day. I woke up this morning with a fairly depressed outlook towards everything. I have had such episodes before that persist throughout the day where I just don't feel like talking to anyone along with a total disinterest in everything. All of a sudden, it struck me to check if these are a symptom of some disorder. Upon checking several national health websites, I figured out that I might be having bouts of mild or moderate depression throughout my adult life. Looking back, it makes sense where I used to be unmotivated or even inconsolable. Learned something new about myself today along with a realization that I am as flawed as everyone else and the process is to learn how to live with and be at peace with it.

 

[wwalker19]

Hey Avi,

It sounds look you're going strong.  This process is an important one to keep learning about yourself and growing each day, and you're doing just that.  Keep in mind as well that PMO is a drug, and being away from it as addicts will instigate withdrawal symptoms that you generally would only imagine happen with substance users.  I have realized that after about 7 days I start to get stressed and frustrated more easily, which I might attribute more with a smoker abstaining.  Sticking it through will show you the benefits though, the mindset will eventually go away.  Don't lose hope! 

 

[avi]

Hey Avi,

It sounds look you're going strong.  This process is an important one to keep learning about yourself and growing each day, and you're doing just that.  Keep in mind as well that PMO is a drug, and being away from it as addicts will instigate withdrawal symptoms that you generally would only imagine happen with substance users.  I have realized that after about 7 days I start to get stressed and frustrated more easily, which I might attribute more with a smoker abstaining.  Sticking it through will show you the benefits though, the mindset will eventually go away.  Don't lose hope!

Definitely agree with your assessment there, wwalker. Starting yesterday, I have mentally started to experience that withdrawal pull. I have incorporated working out in my routine as it is important to redirect that focus and residual energy in a proper manner.

Day 14

Woke up this morning fresher than I can remember in the past couple of days. That might have been partly due to restarting my workout routine since yesterday. I had been experimenting with my diet and body composition changes for the past 2 months but realized that if I want to succeed at my current endeavor then I need to focus all my attention and energy in the right direction. Additionally, starting last night, I am carrying out a 30 day proactive challenge hoping to take more charge and responsibility in my daily life. However this experiment ends, I can only see good things coming out of it. Wishing good things for everyone here as well!

 

[suprastim]

Hi avi, great job and we're rooting for you here.

For me, exercise has been the number 1 tool for staying clean. That and knowing my triggers. Best of luck and stay strong - it's not worth it

 

[wwalker19]

Avi, you're doing great!  Keep sticking with what works, and keep improving every day.  You can always do better, so strive to learn and grow.  Exercise is indeed very important.  It's funny, I have always wanted to get fit but it never happened until i quit porn!  It has definitely taught me how to stay scheduled and organized better.

 

[avi]

Thanks suprastim and wwalker! Workout has been a new positive addition with major benefits and I can't wait to see how it gets better

Day 15,

Woke up refreshed and focused this morning. So much calm and at peace that it felt unreal. Reincorporating exercise coupled with other meditative practices as stretching are really having a great cumulative effect in my life. I can feel the urges after lunch but I am not even sure if I want to label them as urges. More like this excess energy in my groin area that I want to utilize. Today I utilized that excess energy by a single focus on working on my presentation for 1.5 hours. Once I was done with that, I took a quick nap because I felt my brain needed it. Now I am back to a balanced energetic state. Will continue this again tomorrow and make small improvements. Overcoming little resistance everyday is the key.
Hope everyone is going strong and kicking ass!

 

[Chris Oz]

Hey Avi, read your bio. You seem like a great guy trying to quit and addiction that's wrecking your life. Sorry you had PIED at one time. I hope it's getting easier as you recover.

I okay the guitar also. I've been on and off with it for 3+years now. But I decided to be serious this period. I got a semi acoustic and everyday, I try to squeeze a 30 mins playing schedule into my day.

I hope you stay strong during your recovery and don't lose faith. It's a right till the end for a better deserved life.

Keep pushing back
Chris

 

[avi]

Hey Avi, read your bio. You seem like a great guy trying to quit and addiction that's wrecking your life. Sorry you had PIED at one time. I hope it's getting easier as you recover.

I okay the guitar also. I've been on and off with it for 3+years now. But I decided to be serious this period. I got a semi acoustic and everyday, I try to squeeze a 30 mins playing schedule into my day.

I hope you stay strong during your recovery and don't lose faith. It's a right till the end for a better deserved life.

Keep pushing back
Chris

Hey Chris, appreciate the support and wish you the same on your road to recovery. Playing guitar is definitely a habit building process but once a set number of reps have been put in, I find myself delighting in the ability to create/recreate music. Open you up to a different side of you.

Day 16

Had a presentation today so my mind was amped up all day long. Felt like I was doing 120 until I got done with my presentation. To calm my nerves and relax, I am grateful that I could just go to my bedroom and take a nap. Those 15 mins were needed and really helped. Workout routine has been going consistent and I am enjoying the extra boost it gives me after my workday.
Focusing on the next step ahead and being present in your body and mind has been the key. Hope others are also kicking ass everyday and learning. Cheers!

 

[avi]

Welp, I slipped yesterday.
So what happened?
I generally like to do grocery shopping early in the morning because it's so hot out here. Unfortunately, getting straight out of bed and quickly running out the door messes me up for the entire day. I have seen that happen time and again but didn't really try to correct it until yesterday. All throughout yesterday I felt fatigued and unmotivated. Took a nap but even that didn't help. Clearly if you compromise on your early morning routine then it will mess you up. Ended up MOing in the middle of the day.
What did I learn?
This early morning grocery shopping routine is not for me and affects my overall productivity, not just my no PMO rotuine.
How have I fixed it?
Starting next time, I will carry out my grocery shopping in the evening. I know it is likely to be busy but it won't affect my entire day and I can quickly streamline it to shop, have dinner and then call it a night, in straight succession.
Despite the fact that I relapsed, being able to understand and explore the underlying reason makes me happy. This is because I know that this improvement will have a broader effect on my life. I know I am on the up and up. Cheers!
Btw, Today is Day 1

 

[Chris Oz]

Sorry about your relapse man. It's always disheartening to start again. But I just want to give you advice... Put more faith in your decision than in your system. Put more focus on the decision you've made. Porn will always find a way, a loophole in whatever system you've put in place. The real struggle is the strength of character you show, supplied by the 'why' of the choice you have made to be the hero of your own story.

Abstain from tempting situations, limit your use of your gadgets and set up the precautionary measures and the blockers and counters and everything that could help you in your journey. But then, out in your focus on your decision and your why. And also on whatever is that supreme external force that your trust is in, for strength. (For me that is God)

Good luck!

 

[avi]

Sorry about your relapse man. It's always disheartening to start again. But I just want to give you advice... Put more faith in your decision than in your system. Put more focus on the decision you've made. Porn will always find a way, a loophole in whatever system you've put in place. The real struggle is the strength of character you show, supplied by the 'why' of the choice you have made to be the hero of your own story.

Abstain from tempting situations, limit your use of your gadgets and set up the precautionary measures and the blockers and counters and everything that could help you in your journey. But then, out in your focus on your decision and your why. And also on whatever is that supreme external force that your trust is in, for strength. (For me that is God)

Good luck!

Appreciate the advice, Chris! I definitely agree that combining your why with a good system is inevitably the key to changing this dependency. With the support of this community and learning more about myself, I am sure I will continue to grow and be more and more free each day.

 

[avi]

Day 2

Woke up later than usual, at least by the weekend standards, that is. Today has been pretty straight forward. Watching some Champions league, catching up on other errands, so on and so forth. No major differences and feeling pretty good. Time to workout and get that blood circulation going. Cheers!

 

[avi]

Day 3

From the moment i woke up in the morning, I had focus and clarity. I took that to get my presentation done and analyze data. As the school starts this week, I am excited about the thing I will get to learn. At the same time, having such an active routine is very stimulating for me and allows me to put my priorities in place. This is going to be a fun and productive semester!

 

[avi]

Day 4

Today...oh my god today. From the moment I woke up to the this very moment, I was just running. Trying to keep up but thankfully, I got stuff done. Had to skip a meal but I had no clue. Too much work. Thankfully, now I can work on my dinner before I start working on other stuff. I am so ready to sleep right now. But it was a good day

 

[Chris Oz]

Glad to see you're excited about learning. Take care of yourself also amidst the work...so you don't jeopardize your health.

 

[avi]

Glad to see you're excited about learning. Take care of yourself also amidst the work...so you don't jeopardize your health.

Thanks, Chris! Yeah. I found that after overextending myself yesterday, I felt very tired today. Need to get a more balanced approach for this new school year. It's a marathon, not a sprint - Gotta remember that.

Day 5

Woke up this morning and after lunch, I started to feel a little tired. I got most of my work done and now I will workout so that I can improve the blood supply throughout my body. Hope everybody else is staying strong.

 

[avi]

Relapse Alert

Last night, as I was going to bed, something that I never do but decided to do was to reinstall Reddit and go on it. Well, it was a downhill losing battle from there on. Since then, I have added Reddit to my list of blocked apps across all platforms. Need to be mindful about why I am doing this and not loose track of it. Each good day adds up and I will continue to add them up.  Not giving up. Not now, not ever!

 

[suprastim]

A minor setback avi, keep focused on the bigger picture

 

[avi]

Day 8 ( no PMO)

So I have modified my model and approach for how I am going to be approaching this and it has been going well so far. I am also adding accountability stakes to this process, so here's what I am going to do - For the next 3 people only who end up replying to this post ( apart from me, of course), if I slip up prior to 90 days then I will DM each one of you directly and send $10 each via Paypal. Just post saying "I hold you accountable" and if I slip, I will send you the money. You have my word. Setting the right system, in my opinion, is not only knowing what you want to achieve but also knowing what to avoid. I want to avoid giving out money so this will serve as an additional layer of self-check. Let's go! 

 

[Chris Oz]

Avi, I don't think this is the best method. I've done worse, even telling God to take my life the next time....im just glad he didn't.

But anyways, I'd help out...I hold you accountable.

But honestly I suggest you change the system to something that doesn't drain you financially. You can do that whenever you want and you can decide on stopping it all together too.