Hoping to make the best decision with the rest of 2020

[avi]

Avi, I don't think this is the best method. I've done worse, even telling God to take my life the next time....im just glad he didn't.

But anyways, I'd help out...I hold you accountable.

But honestly I suggest you change the system to something that doesn't drain you financially. You can do that whenever you want and you can decide on stopping it all together too.

Appreciate the support and concern, Chris. The goal is not to drain myself financially but to use cognitive tools to have controlled risk.

Day 16

Things have been going well thus far. I have experienced a change in my mental paradigms. Over the past week, I have increasingly becoming repulsed and disgusted to the idea of porn or even PM combined. I believe that I am moving forward in the right direction and I will continue to be re-enforce because I believe that this is an appropriate mindset while connecting with real people. Until next time, hope everyone is staying strong! Cheers!

 

[Chris Oz]

Wow, i'm really happy for you

 

[avi]

Wow, i'm really happy for you

Thanks, Chris! It has been a slow and error prone process of learning from many of my mistakes but I am glad to be where I am right now.

Day 21

Things are going pretty well. I have my morning meditations and daily routines making sure that I am focusing my energy on positive and constructive things. This also has made me be more present with the things that I am doing. Grateful for the things that are working and constantly willing to learn and improve them. Hope everyone else is holding firm and moving forward. Cheers!

 

[avi]

Day 28

This is the farthest I have made on this journey ever since I intentionally started it. It has been really eye opening now that I am letting my brain reset. Most days have been clear with a sense of energy that I had experienced in bits but never as consistently as I am now. My sleep schedule has improved quite a bit and I am very excited about what the future hold. Not sure if I am experiencing flatline but that being said I have no qualms about that because this has been a period of self exploration and healing. I hope to continuously and mindfully build on this journey and grow more. Hoping everyone else is staying strong. Cheers!

 

[Chris Oz]

Your journey shows your character and commitment to this. I really admire the effort.

 

[wwalker19]

Avi, it sounds like you're really doing well.  What you're up to is working!  Stick with it my friend.

 

[avi]

Thanks Chris and wwalker19. It has been a learning curve with scattered disappointments but now with a single wish that I only want to connect with real humans and not pixels.

Day 30

It has been one month of me staying away from PMO. I feel like I have to acknowledge this since it is an achievement for me intentionally not indulging in the harmful habits of artificial stimulation. I do not want to go back to the days where I used to seek gratifications from pixels, come what may. In my experience, my meditations routine really has allowed me to become centered and there has been a drastic reduction in hypofrontality. I find myself only consuming content that is devoid of crazy and explicit erotica (tv shows or movies) and constantly reminding myself that whatever that is happening on the television is not real. We are all flawed in our own way but it is those flaw that we should admire and cherish. No one is put on a pedestal anymore, no matter how pretty or how good looking. Everyone is human and if you scratch deep enough, you will find what makes them human.
Here's to the next 30 days and the self discovery and healing that it brings. This community is amazing and having this platform to write my thoughts out has helped a lot. Thank you and good luck to all of you on your journey to become your better selves!

 

[wwalker19]

Avi, it sounds like you have already grown so much in the past month.  It's really awesome to see you finding success like this!  I have heard people describe the process of recovering from pornography as being a commitment to reality, and I think you really nailed that.  It is about finding grounding in what matters.  Keep it up, you should be proud of what you've already accomplished.

 

[avi]

Avi, it sounds like you have already grown so much in the past month.  It's really awesome to see you finding success like this!  I have heard people describe the process of recovering from pornography as being a commitment to reality, and I think you really nailed that.  It is about finding grounding in what matters.  Keep it up, you should be proud of what you've already accomplished.

Thanks wwalker19! I wish the same for you and everyone who is on this journey.

Day 35

Not sure if I would attest this to no PMO but I think it is more because of the replacing parameters that I am deeply indulging in. Meditation, stretching before bedtime, yoga and other exercises. It has been beautiful! I am having mental revelation that I can only describe as blissful. The sense of self-sufficiency I am getting while stretching or even doing other exercises are making me genuinely happy and relaxed. Things are going great and I am targeting better and higher goals for myself but that being said, life is good and I am happy. I am just reveling in the journey, taking it all in and having a lovely time.Good luck to everyone else. I hope your lives keep improving for the better like mine has been. Cheers!

 

[Chris Oz]

I'm happy for your progress avi. And I hope to revel in the joy of recovery like you're doing soon.

Keep pushing
Chris

 

[avi]

I'm happy for your progress avi. And I hope to revel in the joy of recovery like you're doing soon.

Keep pushing
Chris

I am sure you will, Chris. Through your post, I can see that you are persisting and constantly improving. It's just a matter of time.

Day 42

Now that no PMO has become more or less a standard in my life, It is unearthing some of the other facets of my psyche that I had not previously thought about too much. For starters, I am way more emotionally responsive. I wouldn't want to say emotional because I don't want to paint it as a negative. I believe everyone should be able to experience their full range of emotions. Only then do you learn how to deal with them. That being said, I have experienced this before as well when I unintentionally did no PMO a year ago. Secondly, I have experienced, what I believe to be are prostate secretions, few times over the last week. I am not really concerned about them because after indulging in PMO for so long, it will take a while for my body to normalize and secondly, from what I have read, this is just normal.
Something interesting that I experienced a few days ago was I was lying in my bed and thinking about the amazing biology of sex. Not from a sexual perspective but from a system perspective of how elegant it is and how the propagation of our species has been so elegantly designed. Anyway, oddly enough, I found myself having an erection. I don't remember the last time this happened with just thought alone but feels to me that things might be getting better for me psychologically. Anyways, Hope everyone else has a good weekend. Good luck and godspeed!

 

[Chris Oz]

Great one. You've come so far. Day 42...keep at it!
I'm getting better too like you pointed out.

Keep pushing
Chris

 

[avi]

Relapsed on Day 45. I'm not worried, disappointed, concerned or irritated. I feel acceptance. It happened. I did 45 days once. I will go beyond it now. I know what caused this. I'll figure it out. Its hold on me has gotten severely weaker and it might try to kick back but it's hanging by a thin string and I will get rid of that string soon. I know that. Here's to another longer streak. Cheers!

 

[wwalker19]

Avi, that's a fantastic perspective to have.  That's what will find you success.  If you did it once you can do twice as well this time!  You know you've got what it takes, so make it happen.  45 days is really impressive!

 

[Chris Oz]

You've really improved overall man. 45 days is a lot of fight, I know that. Denounce the chaser effect. Identify the triggers and how to fix it and get back in the horse. We're all in this together.

Imagine you do another straight 45 days again.. that'd be  90 days with just 2 or 1 relapses. That's be so cool, it's as good as you having completed the whole 90 right? Just think about it. I'm vying for you!

You've already got the right attitude, use it to achieve even more.

Keep pushing man!

 

[avi]

Thanks wwalker19 and Chris! Appreciate your support and motivation. We are in this together and I am definitely going to keep pushing.

Day 1

So I have been thinking about what happened and here's something interesting that I discovered - Around day 35, I believe I had more energy than I knew what to do with. I wanted to be active, expend this energy and keep moving. That doesn't particularly help when you are at home because of the current circumstances. I believe that as my brain was resetting, it was also flooding it with extra energy and I need to find additional creative ways to use this energy. Secondly, I am going to introduce a second meditation session in the evenings as well to channel this extra energy and learn to sit with it. Systems are in place and I am raring to get back to where I was. This thing can't stop me anymore. Cheers!

 

[wwalker19]

Avi, Meditation is awesome!  I have found it is a really excellent way to improve my mental health and stability.  On top of that, if you've got the free time and energy, are there any hobbies you'd want to devote yourself to?  This could be a great chance to pick up something new!