Gigili
Member
He everyone!
This is my first journal posting.
I am a 32 y/o married man. I have been addicted to porn since I was 15 y/o, so roughly I am addicted for around 17 years. Like most men of my age, I started porn with erotic pics which soon evolved to porn videos.
Unlike most people who are struggling with ED, I have problem with premature ejaculation. I barely can have any intercourse before I finish off. I think this is because my porn watching habit is different. Although most people might watch porn for hours, edging, to keep the dopamine level high, I was always in hurry to finish off. This is probably because I was afraid someone might find out what I was doing. I was not watching porn every day, but two or three times a week, for sure!
The main reason why I am here is that I have gradually lost all my interest in having sex with my wife. We are married for three years and although she is a very pretty and sexy girl, I would rather PMO to have sex with her.
I have also had brain fog, depression, anxiety, lack of quality sleep, and low motivation during most of my adulthood. I was on anti-depressant medication for over a year and I don't think it had any particular positive effects. I was never thinking my problems might have been related to porn and I still think some of my problems might not be directly related to porn, however, I am convinced that it is very harmful and I will destroy my marriage eventually if I continue avoiding sex and preferring M to P. I'm not sure what will happen if my wife figures out but I would rather not to find out right now! When I read YBOP book about a month ago, it suddenly made sense to me why I have no interest in having sex with my wife!
Right after reading the book, I started my journey. I am on my day 20 right now. Since I was not an every day porn watcher, I did not have much problem the first two weeks. The urges started from the third week. I started to have some weird feelings, Anxiety, irritability, and mood swings. I have lost all my motivation to do anything productive. I managed to stick to my plan as I don't want to have these feelings over and over again after each relapse, but it is getting particularly difficult these days.
My main problem is this F...King Covid thing. Since March, I am working from home and it is not obvious when I will be back to workspace. My wife has a full-time job so I am alone at home most of the day. I am using merely will power to prevent myself from relapsing but my will power might wear out at some point. Staying at home for several months is stressful and depressing enough, combined with withdrawal symptoms, it has become even harder. I barely do anything productive during the day and mostly waste my time, sleep a lot and play video games. This is the reason why I started writing this journal. Maybe I find some motivation?!
The only positive thing that I do is that I bought a gym membership. I go to gym every morning which I think is helpful. I was wondering what other people do in this "stay-home" situation? I am loosing my mind and I became completely numb. I have requested to go back to my workspace since a limited number of employees are allowed to go back, but I am not sure if I will be authorized to go back. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
This is my first journal posting.
I am a 32 y/o married man. I have been addicted to porn since I was 15 y/o, so roughly I am addicted for around 17 years. Like most men of my age, I started porn with erotic pics which soon evolved to porn videos.
Unlike most people who are struggling with ED, I have problem with premature ejaculation. I barely can have any intercourse before I finish off. I think this is because my porn watching habit is different. Although most people might watch porn for hours, edging, to keep the dopamine level high, I was always in hurry to finish off. This is probably because I was afraid someone might find out what I was doing. I was not watching porn every day, but two or three times a week, for sure!
The main reason why I am here is that I have gradually lost all my interest in having sex with my wife. We are married for three years and although she is a very pretty and sexy girl, I would rather PMO to have sex with her.
I have also had brain fog, depression, anxiety, lack of quality sleep, and low motivation during most of my adulthood. I was on anti-depressant medication for over a year and I don't think it had any particular positive effects. I was never thinking my problems might have been related to porn and I still think some of my problems might not be directly related to porn, however, I am convinced that it is very harmful and I will destroy my marriage eventually if I continue avoiding sex and preferring M to P. I'm not sure what will happen if my wife figures out but I would rather not to find out right now! When I read YBOP book about a month ago, it suddenly made sense to me why I have no interest in having sex with my wife!
Right after reading the book, I started my journey. I am on my day 20 right now. Since I was not an every day porn watcher, I did not have much problem the first two weeks. The urges started from the third week. I started to have some weird feelings, Anxiety, irritability, and mood swings. I have lost all my motivation to do anything productive. I managed to stick to my plan as I don't want to have these feelings over and over again after each relapse, but it is getting particularly difficult these days.
My main problem is this F...King Covid thing. Since March, I am working from home and it is not obvious when I will be back to workspace. My wife has a full-time job so I am alone at home most of the day. I am using merely will power to prevent myself from relapsing but my will power might wear out at some point. Staying at home for several months is stressful and depressing enough, combined with withdrawal symptoms, it has become even harder. I barely do anything productive during the day and mostly waste my time, sleep a lot and play video games. This is the reason why I started writing this journal. Maybe I find some motivation?!
The only positive thing that I do is that I bought a gym membership. I go to gym every morning which I think is helpful. I was wondering what other people do in this "stay-home" situation? I am loosing my mind and I became completely numb. I have requested to go back to my workspace since a limited number of employees are allowed to go back, but I am not sure if I will be authorized to go back. Any suggestions would be appreciated.