By way of elaboration; I was triggered by anything that was remotely sexual in content or subject from a very early age. Even as small child, exposure to anything that was even slightly erotic was irresistible. I didn't have all that many opportunities to see even as much as the relatively tame content of Playboy, back in the sixties, but if I did have the opportunity I'd make the most of it. Whenever I was doing that I was terrified that my mother would find out, and I think that may well have been a big part of the allure. I've concluded that my sexual fantasies were an escape from my real life. I had sexual fantasies from puberty and romantic fantasies before that. In retrospect they were an unheard cry for help; but I never voiced them because I was expected to be tough.
Now, finally, I am able to deal with sexuality in a mature manner. Sex exists and is a significant part of life as a human. When I was easily triggered, any treatment of sex in a movie, no matter how tasteful and non-pornographic, was a trigger to escalate to greater things. Nowadays it's not like that. While I do not wish to watch explicit, pornographic depictions of sex, I no longer live in fear that some relatively innocuous scene in a movie will trigger me. No kidding here, there were PG-13 movies I avoided because of their reputed sexual content and whenever I watched an R-rated movie there were a sense of excitement from the mere prospect of forbidden fruit within.
That is where I was, in a sense, objectifying sex itself. I was attributing to sex something it did not hold. I thought that there were people out there that had no limits sexually, but that's rare, if, indeed, it exists at all. The fact is, most people have limits. They may not be the same as my limits, but only the most inexperienced and most self-destructive actually live with no limits to their sexual behavior. Even prostitutes have limits, perhaps based more upon controlling exposure to disease than moral, but they are limits nonetheless. Porn actors engage in risky, unprotected sex, to earn their fees and many of them pay the price. A five year career in porn will probably leave one with a lifetime of Herpes and contraction of several curable diseases along the way. HIV effectively ends the career of anyone working in sex and the people in the industry fear it greatly. So, even porn actors that seem so libertine and carefree in the final analysis end up playing by the same set of actions and consequences as the rest of us. There is no shortcut to making oneself completely liberated regarding sex, because sex always extracts its tribute, one way or another.
As further proof that there are no people immune to the consequences of sex consider this, sex scenes in non-porn movies tend to be pretty mild and the photography usually cuts just short of the clothing being worn. A woman in a tube top appears nude if filmed from the shoulders up and many of the shots you see probably have zero nudity involved. Many actors will not cross that line. Actors are professionals and, if they possess sufficient skill, they should be able to convince us that they are behaving and feeling a certain way, even if they don't actually share anything in common with their onscreen character. To me, this indicates that even actors portraying sexual activity do not have immunity from at least some degree of restraint.
The fact is that sex has not changed one iota in the history of the human race. We experience sex no differently from our most remote ancestors. Sex has always been a loaded subject because it is at the core of juan society. Every one of us is here because of a man and a woman in a moment of heated passion. We were conceived because our father ejaculated inside our mother's vagina and fertilized the ovum from which we developed. There was huffing and puffing, maybe some sexy moans and wails and these were coming from our parents; the two people we probably trusted the most. Sex. as entertainment, tries to make it more exciting than it really is. It's not that way, however. Sex is common to the vast majority of adults on earth and, most of us want the same things; closeness, warmth and to share a lovely moment of pleasure with someone we love and trust.
The media has tried to change sex from its real state into something it is not. In a healthy and balanced society, sex is not a privilege of the few, it is open to the overwhelming majority of the population. Such a world is obviously not going to guarantee ever individual a smokin' hot partner but it will almost certainly yield something much better, a loving and caring mate that see sex as a way to bond and to share. Unfortunately for the sleaze suppliers, videos of loving partners between the sheets tend to sell poorly, if at all.
So, compared to 602 days ago, I find sex to be a much more mundane subject. I don't feel excited or ashamed if I read truly educational materials involving sex and this represents a change on my behavior. If a non-pornopraphic sex scene happens in a movie I am watching I don't become triggered anymore. I accept sex for what it is, a part of life, nothing more, nothing less. I don't get excited about eating, or about urinating, they are everyday functions. The only time I ever need to be excited about sex is when it is actually taking place. Learning to control my thoughts and attitudes about sex is a developmental stage of life that should have happened in early adolescence and, now that it finally has happened for me, it turns out that I'm like the average person, neither asexual or hypersexual but capable of dealing with the subject of sex on realistic terms.
Now, finally, I am able to deal with sexuality in a mature manner. Sex exists and is a significant part of life as a human. When I was easily triggered, any treatment of sex in a movie, no matter how tasteful and non-pornographic, was a trigger to escalate to greater things. Nowadays it's not like that. While I do not wish to watch explicit, pornographic depictions of sex, I no longer live in fear that some relatively innocuous scene in a movie will trigger me. No kidding here, there were PG-13 movies I avoided because of their reputed sexual content and whenever I watched an R-rated movie there were a sense of excitement from the mere prospect of forbidden fruit within.
That is where I was, in a sense, objectifying sex itself. I was attributing to sex something it did not hold. I thought that there were people out there that had no limits sexually, but that's rare, if, indeed, it exists at all. The fact is, most people have limits. They may not be the same as my limits, but only the most inexperienced and most self-destructive actually live with no limits to their sexual behavior. Even prostitutes have limits, perhaps based more upon controlling exposure to disease than moral, but they are limits nonetheless. Porn actors engage in risky, unprotected sex, to earn their fees and many of them pay the price. A five year career in porn will probably leave one with a lifetime of Herpes and contraction of several curable diseases along the way. HIV effectively ends the career of anyone working in sex and the people in the industry fear it greatly. So, even porn actors that seem so libertine and carefree in the final analysis end up playing by the same set of actions and consequences as the rest of us. There is no shortcut to making oneself completely liberated regarding sex, because sex always extracts its tribute, one way or another.
As further proof that there are no people immune to the consequences of sex consider this, sex scenes in non-porn movies tend to be pretty mild and the photography usually cuts just short of the clothing being worn. A woman in a tube top appears nude if filmed from the shoulders up and many of the shots you see probably have zero nudity involved. Many actors will not cross that line. Actors are professionals and, if they possess sufficient skill, they should be able to convince us that they are behaving and feeling a certain way, even if they don't actually share anything in common with their onscreen character. To me, this indicates that even actors portraying sexual activity do not have immunity from at least some degree of restraint.
The fact is that sex has not changed one iota in the history of the human race. We experience sex no differently from our most remote ancestors. Sex has always been a loaded subject because it is at the core of juan society. Every one of us is here because of a man and a woman in a moment of heated passion. We were conceived because our father ejaculated inside our mother's vagina and fertilized the ovum from which we developed. There was huffing and puffing, maybe some sexy moans and wails and these were coming from our parents; the two people we probably trusted the most. Sex. as entertainment, tries to make it more exciting than it really is. It's not that way, however. Sex is common to the vast majority of adults on earth and, most of us want the same things; closeness, warmth and to share a lovely moment of pleasure with someone we love and trust.
The media has tried to change sex from its real state into something it is not. In a healthy and balanced society, sex is not a privilege of the few, it is open to the overwhelming majority of the population. Such a world is obviously not going to guarantee ever individual a smokin' hot partner but it will almost certainly yield something much better, a loving and caring mate that see sex as a way to bond and to share. Unfortunately for the sleaze suppliers, videos of loving partners between the sheets tend to sell poorly, if at all.
So, compared to 602 days ago, I find sex to be a much more mundane subject. I don't feel excited or ashamed if I read truly educational materials involving sex and this represents a change on my behavior. If a non-pornopraphic sex scene happens in a movie I am watching I don't become triggered anymore. I accept sex for what it is, a part of life, nothing more, nothing less. I don't get excited about eating, or about urinating, they are everyday functions. The only time I ever need to be excited about sex is when it is actually taking place. Learning to control my thoughts and attitudes about sex is a developmental stage of life that should have happened in early adolescence and, now that it finally has happened for me, it turns out that I'm like the average person, neither asexual or hypersexual but capable of dealing with the subject of sex on realistic terms.
