Well into a reboot and it's extremely tough. I feel like I need some advice.

Xavier

Member
As I write this, I haven't PMO'd for 33 days. So over a third of the way towards the 90 days everyone deems in such high regard. I'd like to explain some of the problems I'm having and hopefully learn to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I decided to start on nofap because, at 21 years of age, I started experiencing erectile dysfunction. Anyone my age would be freaked out by this (although it took me a while to register; sometimes I would masturbate to orgasm while not even fully hard) so, noticing nofap and the reboot, I decided to hop on board. My pornography and masturbating habits had become practically a daily event. Sometimes I'd masturbate on a night because it felt more like a routine and it was a good way to tire myself out before bed even though I wasn't aroused at all. I realised this needed to change. I started masturbating seriously when I was about 12 or 13, so 8 or 9 years ago.

My first "streak" lasted a few days and then I relapsed. Wasn't really anything special. Started a new streak and lasted about 7 days, and then binged hard, about 5 times over 3 days. After that started my current streak currently up to 33 days, but it has NOT been plain sailing.

A few days after my binge I started feeling a little strange. I was questioning things like the point of life and why are we even here; this lasted about 2 weeks or so and then went away for a few days. During these days I felt quite great, on top of the world, I was untouchable and I could do anything. But now these feelings are creeping back again. I feel quite down and dull, my interests don't seem to keep me interested any more and it's really quite upsetting. The feelings aren't as powerful as before, I don't sit and cry or anything, I still get on with my day but it's always there, nagging in my mind. I know depression is a common symptom of nofap and in some cases can go for weeks and weeks, months... but I didn't expect it to hit this hard. I'm always trying to keep myself busy working on things, spending more time with people, just anything to keep my mind busy. I have never suffered depression or anything at all, I have no reason to be unhappy. Once nofap started seriously, these thoughts appeared. These feelings also come and go. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine, content and happy. Other times I'm really down in the dumps. I've noticed I tend to feel best in the mornings, late afternoons and nights. Early afternoon tends to be the hard work.

About 10 days or so into the streak my mind was going insane. Everything was being sexualised to the point of driving me crazy and making me feel a bit ill. Just crazy, horrible thoughts. I was having intense, vivid dreams that seemed so real but they are fading now. Now, I tend to fall into a deep sleep for hours and hours, probably because for a few nights I could barely sleep at all.

I'm experiencing weird conflicting feelings. Sometimes I feel so lonely yet I don't want to talk to people. I'm tired and drowsy, yet on a night time in bed I'm sometimes completely wired and unable to fall asleep. I can feel my heart beating harder than usual and faster than usual, instead of a nice slow beat. The other night before bed time I did 50 press ups to tire myself. I've never done 50 press ups in my life yet I managed them easy! Boundless energy when I don't want it, lethargic and lazy when I should be active.

Pains in weird places. I had pains in my chest and stomach yet I'm fine. My ears felt weird, like they were congested with wax or infected. Again, totally fine. After a few days both of these just went away.

My actual urges to masturbate have been quite low. I've cut out all porn images, websites, never visit cam websites or anything so I'm not likely to meet any "triggers." A few times I've laid at night wanting to masturbate to see if it could make me fall asleep but resisted the urge. I do, however, regularly get the desire for sex. I don't have a girlfriend so I assume this is just my brain begging for its next fix.

So to round it off, I'm feeling better now than I did a few weeks ago but man, this is hard. I've read some accounts of people doing this thing and they've said it was easier to quite smoking and drugs like marijuana. Is everything I'm feeling a normal part of nofap? I think part of my anxiety comes from the fact this is a new science and research: the effects of porn on the brain aren't understood much at all and we are sort of like pioneers. It's just insane that watching erotic imagery and repeatedly blowing your load into a tissue can give you withdrawal effects akin to that of a drug user. It's madness. And a part of me still finds it so ridiculous that I don't believe it, and makes me think I have other problems. But that's probably the hypochondriac within me speaking.

Thanks for reading, this was a long post but I really want and need some answers. All I want in life is to be happy, raise a happy family and enjoy as many experiences as I can. Yet this experience muddles my brain even on that. Just taking each day as it comes and hoping, praying I come out sane the other side! My parents, God bless them, have helped me greatly. Naturally I haven't told them about my porn addiction but I told them I'm feeling down and going through a hard time now and they've made me feel as comfortable as they can. I'm also in regular contact with a doctor who I can see should things get ridiculous, but I'm fairly confident the worst is passed. I never even thought I had an addiction - I thought masturbating daily to fake, overly sexualised people on the net was perfectly normal. But I've come to terms with it; I had an addiction, I am breaking it. It's like walking to hell and back but I will do it. I have to do it.
 
W

William

Guest
Hi Xavier, this is perfectly normal.  I went through it too.  In fact, you are handling it better than I did.  I described the experience as feeling terror and feeling like dying.  What you must understand is that dopamine may be the most powerful drug in the world, and certainly for a porn addict it is the best.  I would imagine it is every bit as powerful as heroin.  Quitting is sucks.  Once it is behind you it is easy, but before it gets easy it hurts.  I hope the worst is over for you, but the point of the 90 reboot is that while, for many of us, it got much better at that point, for many of us we were still hitting hard withdrawals up to that point.  Even after that point, for months, you can hit withdrawals, but for most of us they become much more manageable, more like annoyances than serious concerns, and we are simply in control again.  For me, in the reboot, my huge fear was relapsing, that it would be so bad that I would have to relapse, just to keep sane, but now and for some time I know I will never relapse.  Just be aware you are still on that roller coaster, but you are getting closer to the end.

Peace.
 

Xavier

Member
Thanks for the reply William, it's a great help and comfort. Isn't it weird how we know to expect this awful effects, yet we still panic when we get them? Most people seem to get physical effects, but I feel I am suffering emotionally more than normal. I want to get on and enjoy life but my mind is nagging at me, bullying me and stopping me from being happy. I'm actually scared to relapse because I don't want this hell to continue.

Thanks again. I'll keep holding on.
 

Mbg

Active Member
Hi Xavier,

You have made it 33 days thus far, an acheivement I have yet to make.  It sounds like you are serious about your recovery and that's what it's all about.  There are many tools for us sex addicts to use to help us recover if that's what we want.  I see a therapist, get on this forum, go to sex addicts anonymous meetings twice a week, have a sponsor through SAA, and have recently got on an antidepressant.  I'll do anything to stay sober at this point.

I too have had my doubts as to whether or not I was actually an addict.  This is how us addicts try to rationalize our behavior.  We try to compare ourselves to sane people.  It's the addict in us doing this.  I remind myself every day that I am an addict and there is no going back.  If we have taken steps as far as seeking out a forum like this, then we've already accepted that we are addicted.  Don't listen to the addict in you. 

I recommend dedicating yourself to recovery.  Therapy, meds, SAA, this forum, literature, etc are all tools we can use to help live with, and yet recover, from our addiction. 
 

Xavier

Member
Thanks Mbg. I really am serious. I've gone totally cold turkey and it is probably the hardest thing I've faced so far in my life. You're certainly right about the addict in us speaking and trying to rationalise the addiction. I won't fall for it. In all honesty I am scared to relapse because I'd hate to prolong these withdrawal symptoms.

My advice to you is to take your recovery day by day and enjoy the high moments when you get them. You need to stop yourself from looking at triggering images so install some type of web blocker and, most of all, have patience. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and will take enormous amounts of willpower and courage.
 

Mbg

Active Member
I had some hiccups early on in my reboot.  I relapsed 3 times and binged on the last one.  This was before I had attended my first SAA meeting.  Since I've been in SAA I have been sober.  I definitely don't feel myself growing complacent and I think that's a good thing.  15 days is only a smidge of sobriety but I'll take it! One day at a time.  Each day feels totally different and I am constantly battling urges..
 
Hy Xavier !

Thank you for posting !  I am going trough the depression phase now even though I was porn free for 60 days ! It's really hard because its a combination of depression and paranoia and I think this is the only withdrawal symptom I'm having... everything else seems to fade away but it seems this two is hard to beat and as you said when it hits you its difficult to realize that its a symptom and you start panicing..  Stay Strong everyone !  There's light !
 
Top