As I write this, I haven't PMO'd for 33 days. So over a third of the way towards the 90 days everyone deems in such high regard. I'd like to explain some of the problems I'm having and hopefully learn to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I decided to start on nofap because, at 21 years of age, I started experiencing erectile dysfunction. Anyone my age would be freaked out by this (although it took me a while to register; sometimes I would masturbate to orgasm while not even fully hard) so, noticing nofap and the reboot, I decided to hop on board. My pornography and masturbating habits had become practically a daily event. Sometimes I'd masturbate on a night because it felt more like a routine and it was a good way to tire myself out before bed even though I wasn't aroused at all. I realised this needed to change. I started masturbating seriously when I was about 12 or 13, so 8 or 9 years ago.
My first "streak" lasted a few days and then I relapsed. Wasn't really anything special. Started a new streak and lasted about 7 days, and then binged hard, about 5 times over 3 days. After that started my current streak currently up to 33 days, but it has NOT been plain sailing.
A few days after my binge I started feeling a little strange. I was questioning things like the point of life and why are we even here; this lasted about 2 weeks or so and then went away for a few days. During these days I felt quite great, on top of the world, I was untouchable and I could do anything. But now these feelings are creeping back again. I feel quite down and dull, my interests don't seem to keep me interested any more and it's really quite upsetting. The feelings aren't as powerful as before, I don't sit and cry or anything, I still get on with my day but it's always there, nagging in my mind. I know depression is a common symptom of nofap and in some cases can go for weeks and weeks, months... but I didn't expect it to hit this hard. I'm always trying to keep myself busy working on things, spending more time with people, just anything to keep my mind busy. I have never suffered depression or anything at all, I have no reason to be unhappy. Once nofap started seriously, these thoughts appeared. These feelings also come and go. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine, content and happy. Other times I'm really down in the dumps. I've noticed I tend to feel best in the mornings, late afternoons and nights. Early afternoon tends to be the hard work.
About 10 days or so into the streak my mind was going insane. Everything was being sexualised to the point of driving me crazy and making me feel a bit ill. Just crazy, horrible thoughts. I was having intense, vivid dreams that seemed so real but they are fading now. Now, I tend to fall into a deep sleep for hours and hours, probably because for a few nights I could barely sleep at all.
I'm experiencing weird conflicting feelings. Sometimes I feel so lonely yet I don't want to talk to people. I'm tired and drowsy, yet on a night time in bed I'm sometimes completely wired and unable to fall asleep. I can feel my heart beating harder than usual and faster than usual, instead of a nice slow beat. The other night before bed time I did 50 press ups to tire myself. I've never done 50 press ups in my life yet I managed them easy! Boundless energy when I don't want it, lethargic and lazy when I should be active.
Pains in weird places. I had pains in my chest and stomach yet I'm fine. My ears felt weird, like they were congested with wax or infected. Again, totally fine. After a few days both of these just went away.
My actual urges to masturbate have been quite low. I've cut out all porn images, websites, never visit cam websites or anything so I'm not likely to meet any "triggers." A few times I've laid at night wanting to masturbate to see if it could make me fall asleep but resisted the urge. I do, however, regularly get the desire for sex. I don't have a girlfriend so I assume this is just my brain begging for its next fix.
So to round it off, I'm feeling better now than I did a few weeks ago but man, this is hard. I've read some accounts of people doing this thing and they've said it was easier to quite smoking and drugs like marijuana. Is everything I'm feeling a normal part of nofap? I think part of my anxiety comes from the fact this is a new science and research: the effects of porn on the brain aren't understood much at all and we are sort of like pioneers. It's just insane that watching erotic imagery and repeatedly blowing your load into a tissue can give you withdrawal effects akin to that of a drug user. It's madness. And a part of me still finds it so ridiculous that I don't believe it, and makes me think I have other problems. But that's probably the hypochondriac within me speaking.
Thanks for reading, this was a long post but I really want and need some answers. All I want in life is to be happy, raise a happy family and enjoy as many experiences as I can. Yet this experience muddles my brain even on that. Just taking each day as it comes and hoping, praying I come out sane the other side! My parents, God bless them, have helped me greatly. Naturally I haven't told them about my porn addiction but I told them I'm feeling down and going through a hard time now and they've made me feel as comfortable as they can. I'm also in regular contact with a doctor who I can see should things get ridiculous, but I'm fairly confident the worst is passed. I never even thought I had an addiction - I thought masturbating daily to fake, overly sexualised people on the net was perfectly normal. But I've come to terms with it; I had an addiction, I am breaking it. It's like walking to hell and back but I will do it. I have to do it.
I decided to start on nofap because, at 21 years of age, I started experiencing erectile dysfunction. Anyone my age would be freaked out by this (although it took me a while to register; sometimes I would masturbate to orgasm while not even fully hard) so, noticing nofap and the reboot, I decided to hop on board. My pornography and masturbating habits had become practically a daily event. Sometimes I'd masturbate on a night because it felt more like a routine and it was a good way to tire myself out before bed even though I wasn't aroused at all. I realised this needed to change. I started masturbating seriously when I was about 12 or 13, so 8 or 9 years ago.
My first "streak" lasted a few days and then I relapsed. Wasn't really anything special. Started a new streak and lasted about 7 days, and then binged hard, about 5 times over 3 days. After that started my current streak currently up to 33 days, but it has NOT been plain sailing.
A few days after my binge I started feeling a little strange. I was questioning things like the point of life and why are we even here; this lasted about 2 weeks or so and then went away for a few days. During these days I felt quite great, on top of the world, I was untouchable and I could do anything. But now these feelings are creeping back again. I feel quite down and dull, my interests don't seem to keep me interested any more and it's really quite upsetting. The feelings aren't as powerful as before, I don't sit and cry or anything, I still get on with my day but it's always there, nagging in my mind. I know depression is a common symptom of nofap and in some cases can go for weeks and weeks, months... but I didn't expect it to hit this hard. I'm always trying to keep myself busy working on things, spending more time with people, just anything to keep my mind busy. I have never suffered depression or anything at all, I have no reason to be unhappy. Once nofap started seriously, these thoughts appeared. These feelings also come and go. Sometimes I feel perfectly fine, content and happy. Other times I'm really down in the dumps. I've noticed I tend to feel best in the mornings, late afternoons and nights. Early afternoon tends to be the hard work.
About 10 days or so into the streak my mind was going insane. Everything was being sexualised to the point of driving me crazy and making me feel a bit ill. Just crazy, horrible thoughts. I was having intense, vivid dreams that seemed so real but they are fading now. Now, I tend to fall into a deep sleep for hours and hours, probably because for a few nights I could barely sleep at all.
I'm experiencing weird conflicting feelings. Sometimes I feel so lonely yet I don't want to talk to people. I'm tired and drowsy, yet on a night time in bed I'm sometimes completely wired and unable to fall asleep. I can feel my heart beating harder than usual and faster than usual, instead of a nice slow beat. The other night before bed time I did 50 press ups to tire myself. I've never done 50 press ups in my life yet I managed them easy! Boundless energy when I don't want it, lethargic and lazy when I should be active.
Pains in weird places. I had pains in my chest and stomach yet I'm fine. My ears felt weird, like they were congested with wax or infected. Again, totally fine. After a few days both of these just went away.
My actual urges to masturbate have been quite low. I've cut out all porn images, websites, never visit cam websites or anything so I'm not likely to meet any "triggers." A few times I've laid at night wanting to masturbate to see if it could make me fall asleep but resisted the urge. I do, however, regularly get the desire for sex. I don't have a girlfriend so I assume this is just my brain begging for its next fix.
So to round it off, I'm feeling better now than I did a few weeks ago but man, this is hard. I've read some accounts of people doing this thing and they've said it was easier to quite smoking and drugs like marijuana. Is everything I'm feeling a normal part of nofap? I think part of my anxiety comes from the fact this is a new science and research: the effects of porn on the brain aren't understood much at all and we are sort of like pioneers. It's just insane that watching erotic imagery and repeatedly blowing your load into a tissue can give you withdrawal effects akin to that of a drug user. It's madness. And a part of me still finds it so ridiculous that I don't believe it, and makes me think I have other problems. But that's probably the hypochondriac within me speaking.
Thanks for reading, this was a long post but I really want and need some answers. All I want in life is to be happy, raise a happy family and enjoy as many experiences as I can. Yet this experience muddles my brain even on that. Just taking each day as it comes and hoping, praying I come out sane the other side! My parents, God bless them, have helped me greatly. Naturally I haven't told them about my porn addiction but I told them I'm feeling down and going through a hard time now and they've made me feel as comfortable as they can. I'm also in regular contact with a doctor who I can see should things get ridiculous, but I'm fairly confident the worst is passed. I never even thought I had an addiction - I thought masturbating daily to fake, overly sexualised people on the net was perfectly normal. But I've come to terms with it; I had an addiction, I am breaking it. It's like walking to hell and back but I will do it. I have to do it.