26 years old; 740 days of abstinence

[Relentless Observer]

Update:
I am not about 790 days abstinent from porn.  About the time of the last post I committed again to noFAP.
So, I am now about 45 days into no porn or masturbation.  I am trying to eliminate fantasy as well--I notice that if I have a prolonged fantasy it can feel just like if I had edged back in the day...
I have felt quite sexually lifeless the last 45 days, which isn't much different to how I have felt in a long time.

However, I have started trying to date again.  I met one girl who was clearly interested in me and that made me feel good.  I realized that I didn't want a romantic relationship with her though, and so we ended it.  We had made out a few times and I had some mild-moderate swelling just to that a bit of dry humping...so, that built my confidence a bit.
Now, I am searching for a quality girl to have a relationship with who really values me for me.  If I can then she will be understanding about my condition and willing to work with me.  I imagine it will be very satisfying to heal with someone I really care for and who cares for me.
Since it has been so long with abstinence without much obvious healing I am thinking a rewiring partner is necessary too.  I have become nervous during this process to pursue sexual intimacy, but I consider it a good thing now and I hope that so long as a woman cares for me they will be patient with me.

 

[Guts]

Since it has been so long with abstinence without much obvious healing I am thinking a rewiring partner is necessary too.

I don't recommend you do this Relentless as I don't think it will help. I think you'd do best if you tried abstaining from all physical stimulation for a long period of time until you are back to baseline. No one can help you recover except yourself, that's one thing I've learned on this journey. I'm just trying to help you, dating and rewiring never helped me, only long periods of abstinence. I believe you said you went 84 days hard mode, 84 days of hard mode never got me anywhere, it was only when I exceeded that number that I saw a bit more progress. Do what you want, but I hope what I've written helps.

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Way to go man. The no MO is the way to go. Keep up the good work.

For me the full no PMO then rewiring helps.

Keep at it!

 

[Jeks]

I also think you dont need to rush it with sex. I think abstaining from masturabtion and orgasm completely right now will help your body and brain heal the most. But being in contact with women should not be a problem, potentially even helpful. So i think being on the look out for a girl you like and you can be trusting towards to, without making it all about sex, is exactly the right way to go.
In the end it will always be a matter of experimenting, trying things out and adjusting.
Looking back having a gf right at the start of my reboot was probably not helpful for me, because having her around was very triggering and fantasy inducing. I feel like my brain really needed or needs a proper time out to clip the connections to porn. 

 

[Relentless Observer]

Jeks, quit, Guts,
thanks for the input.
I am currently about 55 days hardmode atop nearly 800 days NO P.
I have felt basically flatlined throughout the process, yet had still felt the compulsion to M throughout and would have some spans of time I felt like I had some bits of sexual energy... now I feel super flatlined today.  Perhaps complete noPMO is necessary and this is a truer flatline enabling fuller healing.

My ultimate goal is to heal.  I owe that to myself.
My plan is the following: FOREVER no P.  I don't want to M again either.  However, I am going to put myself out there and try to find a quality partner.  I really feel conflicted about whether going for casual sex is a good thing or not, but I imagine finding a quality romantic partner has to be helpful.  When I do find this quality romantic partner I shall have to make the decision about whether to introduce sex or not, which I am leaning towards attempting some form of sexual activity.  When this happens in the future I shall post what I feel/find.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.  I shall keep updating as it goes on... every day is one day closer to true healing and a life without PIED.

 

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Way to go man keep it up!

Yeah man the fact that you have a flatline mixed with a compulsion to masturbate means to me that you for sure had some more healing to do. Keep up the good work man.

Once you get that partner just be aware of a possible chaser effect - sometimes urges come after being sexual. It doesn't mean it was wrong to be sexual, it's part of the healing too. I guess for some of us the wires are all crossed up and it takes a bit of time until the real sex gets separated from the PMO urges. Plus just sort of re awakening the sexuality at all does it somewhat I guess.

Anyways that being said, just be ready for that. For example, what ever you had to do in the early days of quitting PMO or MO (say going for a walk if an urge or even mild thought of it popped up, calling friends - whatever worked for you) just be prepared to do that after real life sexual encounters or the following days.

 

[Relentless Observer]

quit,
Thank you.  I appreciate your encouragement and I have not thought about the potential urges developing AFTER having sexual relations with a real woman.  I shall be on the guard when this occurs in the future.

 

[Relentless Observer]

1000 Day Update:

It has been about a thousand days without porn. In that time I had masturbated intermittently, despite very weak erections. For the first half of this journey I fantasized a lot as well. I got morning wood about 9 months in to this process.
The past few months I have had a girlfriend. It feels nice to have someone who cares about me. I used viagra a few times and I was able to penetrate and have sex. Now, for the past few months I generally am able to get an erection strong enough to penetrate. However, I have never had what I consider a full erection and it goes away without constant stimulation.

The past several months since I started having sex I decided that I would give it a period of time where I would essentially make all my sexual experience through my partner -- not with fantasy or masturbation and certainly not with porn. I have been O'ing most times. In this process I feel my erection strength may have improved nominally, but it is nowhere near where I was just a few years ago before this all happened. Also, I have very infrequent morning wood these days and this morning wood tends to be quite weak after a few months of having sex.

Reading past threads and the opinions of others it seems that I may want to simply avoid O'ing.

It has been a long 1000 days, some improvements (it didn't seem like I would ever have a response strong enough to have sex for the first two years), but the improvements are slow and I am not where I want to be yet. I am still hopeful for the day when I have a full erection and that erection does not require constant stimulation.

Quick Summary:
I watched tons of porn from ages 10-14; I stopped and perhaps experienced flatlines for quite a while that eventually went away and I felt back to normal maybe around age 16 or 17. Then, at age 17.5 I started watching porn again out of curiosity...and immediately felt overwhelming compulsions to watch it frequently and masturbate and generally edge. By age 21 I started to experience some general idea that I wasn't quite right. My erections seemed a tiny bit softer and I was surprised that an attractive girl's smile didn't immediately give me an erection. Then, at the end of that year into age 22 I started to notice dramatic difficulty maintaining an erection, then achieving an erection, smaller ejaculatory force and loads, and only porn could give me erections.

I met with three urologists who claimed I was healthy and that porn was perfectly healthy and that I was just stressing myself out and needed to have sex with a real girl. Then, I continued to masturbate to porn more compulsively than ever hoping I truly was just anxious, but getting more stressed out than ever because my erections basically went away even with porn usage. I masturbated dozens, if not hundreds of times practically limp and finally a few months into being 23 I decided that regradless of the opinions of the urologists I have to stop.

I always wanted to know there were others out there who knew porn was unhealthy, but I didn't find YBOP until a while into this "reboot" time even.

I began to have some morning wood around 9months into my reboot. However, whenever I would masturbate or now since starting to have sex it would be weak and infrequent. I wasn't able to have sex for about two years and I still do not get full erections and require constant stimulation to maintain the erection. Hopefully I still will improve and recover more because this is not where I want to be yet.

I appreciate the help of everyone on here. Those who have posted their own stories and those who have reached out.

Good luck to everyone,
Relentless

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Holy smoke, 1000 days, man! This is fuckin unbelievable!

 

[Androg]

Sorry this is taking so long. If you want to try sex without orgasm for a bit to see if it helps, you may want to check out synergyexplorers.org.

 

[wqtt]

Are you sure you don’t have organic issues? Its because 1000 days is a long long fucking time. Did you check your testosterone, shbg, e2, prolactin, glucose, thyroid? Did you ever take finasteride/ssris/accutane or anything? Continue the reboot, but honestly, I feel if it was pied you should’ve been recovered already 700 days earlier.

 

[Deleted member 17609]

Are you sure you don’t have organic issues? Its because 1000 days is a long long fucking time. Did you check your testosterone, shbg, e2, prolactin, glucose, thyroid? Did you ever take finasteride/ssris/accutane or anything? Continue the reboot, but honestly, I feel if it was pied you should’ve been recovered already 700 days earlier.

We can’t be sure about this. I’ve seen more than a few success stories from guys who needed more than two years to recover. We must be careful when we talk about rebooting, since we don’t really know much about the impact of porn on the brain. But most of all, we have to be careful when we talk to long-term rebooters and avoid saying things that could discourage them.

While it’s true that most guys recover within a year, it’s a mistake to assume that a guy has other issues just because he hasn’t recovered within that time frame. For the record, here are a few success stories of guys who needed longer to recover:

Age 28 - PIED: After 2.5 years I start kissing with a girl and I get rock hard. It doesn't matter if I am tired, sleepy, whatever.

I do not have many posts here because 2.5 years ago, when I found out I cannot get an erection despite having a hot naked girl in front of me, I read several posts on this forum, learnt what to do and then just executed on this. I want to write this post to help [...]Read More... from Age 28 –...

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Age 27 - Bad PIED: 2 years, still improving. It's like Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)

I believe I’m one of the bad cases. I’m 27. I started prone masturbating insanely early, probably around 6 or 7. My body wasn’t producing semen yet but I was orgasming while soft. Started whacking to porn as soon as I could (11? 12?) and using Limewire to download videos soon after. Obviously, I...

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Severe PIED - 30's and virgin until few years ago. It's taken 3 years, needed to eventually eliminate masturbation

Just want to tell my story to give other people hope. I am definitely in the top few percent of people with serious PIED. I am more than thirty years old, and I was a virgin until few years ago. When I had sex first time, or tried to, I could not get a boner [...]Read More... from Severe PIED –...

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Age 26 - Reboot took 3 years: No more ED, anxiety, sweating or panicking.

I haven’t seen or read more severe cases on here than mine. It’s official. No more anxiety. No more ED. No more sweating and panicking. It has taken me since November of 2011 (October 27, 2014) with zero porn to finally get over this. Masturbated maybe 3-4 times in the last 3 years, and had...

www.yourbrainonporn.com

Age 27 - Severe ED cured after a 2-year flatline - NEVER GIVE UP!

My story is for those who are experiencing a very long flatline and are losing hope. 27 year old male. 5’11. 180 pounds. Physically and psychologically healthy. I had been watching and masturbating to porn twice per day since I was 14 years old. I have suffered from erectile dysfunction my...

www.yourbrainonporn.com