I WILL DO THIS
- Thread starter anubu0
- Start date
Thank you guys so much for the kind words of encouragement. To be completely honest, I've seen my motivation deteriorate slightly over the past few days. I didn't relapse, or get close to it, or anything, but the forest fire inside of me transitioned into a bush fire.
Come on Kayden, you ARE A AN ABSOLUTE MENACE. You GOT THIS!
October 30, Day #10
I went on a research spree yesterday and came across the topic of venous leakage. If anyone has more information about this, please let me know. I doubt this is my issue because I am so young and my pipes for the most part should be working, but it would just help to fully disclose that fact. I think there was a post about this topic on the forum but it never really explained the condition that well so if you know about it PLEASE let me know.
Day 10. To be honest, that didn't even feel that good to type. I still feel like I have a long way on my journey until I see results. I think patience is one of my least developed traits, so this journey is going to not only help my dick but develop this trait
.
I officially deactivated all of my social media accounts two days ago and am trying to limit my hours on youtube. Honestly, I think it would be a good idea to stop watching any forms of videos in general; I'm not sure if this is proven, but I think whenever I watch a video the anxiety that is so common to the moments before I PMO comes back... Maybe my brain is so wired to view p as the real deal that it views other videos in the same light? This might not even be true, I might just be bored and the urges start coming... I'll try to get to the bottom of this.
No crazy sexual urges recently. They are definitely increasing but nothing I can't stop and eliminate. I will try the urge surfing strategy after I hit 3 weeks. I think I need at least that much time to really set the foundation of my reboot before I surf urges.
Porn is horrible for you man. I wish I could go back to my 6th grade self. Someone who was normal, would get the most random and fullest boners, and was not hooked to the devil spawn that is pornography. It ruins lives, realize that Kayden. My brain is at the point where its beginning to view porn as a novelty and craving, so I need to remind myself of its harmful effects.
Imagine your life in a year. You will have your dick back, you will have new hobbies, you will have a new mindset. Just imagine the amount of college girls you are gonna attract! SCREW PORN SCREW PORN SCREW PORN!
TO DO'S:
- Finish classwork by 1 P.M
- Workout and shower
- College Applications until 6 P.M
- No swim practice today (cancelled)
- Get to sleep by 9
DONT'S:
- Don't snack on junk food (I think the depression is hitting a bit more so I've found myself just stuffing food down my gullet, STOP KAYDEN). I've always been exceptionally fit, so Im going to take a picture of my physique and literally just stare it. Narcissistic? ehhh probably, but I need to remind myself of my "ideal" self.
- Don't think about B. This is getting a lot easier. Well I still think about her, I just get less sad and depressed when I do. We're both moving on with our lives... I'm on a massive recovery plan and she's off in college. Be the man you wanted to be. Use this as a drive, not something to be sullen over.
Come on Kayden, you ARE A AN ABSOLUTE MENACE. You GOT THIS!
October 30, Day #10
I went on a research spree yesterday and came across the topic of venous leakage. If anyone has more information about this, please let me know. I doubt this is my issue because I am so young and my pipes for the most part should be working, but it would just help to fully disclose that fact. I think there was a post about this topic on the forum but it never really explained the condition that well so if you know about it PLEASE let me know.
Day 10. To be honest, that didn't even feel that good to type. I still feel like I have a long way on my journey until I see results. I think patience is one of my least developed traits, so this journey is going to not only help my dick but develop this trait
.I officially deactivated all of my social media accounts two days ago and am trying to limit my hours on youtube. Honestly, I think it would be a good idea to stop watching any forms of videos in general; I'm not sure if this is proven, but I think whenever I watch a video the anxiety that is so common to the moments before I PMO comes back... Maybe my brain is so wired to view p as the real deal that it views other videos in the same light? This might not even be true, I might just be bored and the urges start coming... I'll try to get to the bottom of this.
No crazy sexual urges recently. They are definitely increasing but nothing I can't stop and eliminate. I will try the urge surfing strategy after I hit 3 weeks. I think I need at least that much time to really set the foundation of my reboot before I surf urges.
Porn is horrible for you man. I wish I could go back to my 6th grade self. Someone who was normal, would get the most random and fullest boners, and was not hooked to the devil spawn that is pornography. It ruins lives, realize that Kayden. My brain is at the point where its beginning to view porn as a novelty and craving, so I need to remind myself of its harmful effects.
Imagine your life in a year. You will have your dick back, you will have new hobbies, you will have a new mindset. Just imagine the amount of college girls you are gonna attract! SCREW PORN SCREW PORN SCREW PORN!
TO DO'S:
- Finish classwork by 1 P.M
- Workout and shower
- College Applications until 6 P.M
- No swim practice today (cancelled)
- Get to sleep by 9
DONT'S:
- Don't snack on junk food (I think the depression is hitting a bit more so I've found myself just stuffing food down my gullet, STOP KAYDEN). I've always been exceptionally fit, so Im going to take a picture of my physique and literally just stare it. Narcissistic? ehhh probably, but I need to remind myself of my "ideal" self.
- Don't think about B. This is getting a lot easier. Well I still think about her, I just get less sad and depressed when I do. We're both moving on with our lives... I'm on a massive recovery plan and she's off in college. Be the man you wanted to be. Use this as a drive, not something to be sullen over.
Hey anubu,
great job on making it to day 10.
Venous leak means your penis veins are too big to let the blood stay in your penis. It is a very (very, very) rare condition, especially in young men.
When you can get a boner with porn, but none without, you have a clear answer, that it is not venous leak. When you cant get an erections under both circumstances, it is still super unlikely.
It is also a super good sign, that you have seen your morning erection coming back after you have stopped watching porn.
Some other signs, that porn is more likely to be the problem, are the other typical symptoms of high porn usage:
Can you orgasm without porn? is it far more diffcult? Do you have a tough time with stopping porn? Did you escalate to heavier material? Etc.
great job on making it to day 10.
Venous leak means your penis veins are too big to let the blood stay in your penis. It is a very (very, very) rare condition, especially in young men.
When you can get a boner with porn, but none without, you have a clear answer, that it is not venous leak. When you cant get an erections under both circumstances, it is still super unlikely.
It is also a super good sign, that you have seen your morning erection coming back after you have stopped watching porn.
Some other signs, that porn is more likely to be the problem, are the other typical symptoms of high porn usage:
Can you orgasm without porn? is it far more diffcult? Do you have a tough time with stopping porn? Did you escalate to heavier material? Etc.
October 31, Day #11
Hey everyone. Today is day 11. LETS GOOOOOO!
I woke up this morning with the hardest dick I've felt in ages. I couldn't tell if it was morning wood or not because I think I had a sexual dream... but still: I very rarely got boners unless I was directly watching porn. Definitely a win in my books.
Don't have venous leakage! My problem is just PIED. I did a lot of research yesterday on the topic and found that someone my age, who has grown up sexualized to high speed internet porn, should allow up to an entire year to recover. This kind of sucked to hear, but I have to do it. One year of a lifeless dick is better than en eternity. You got this Kayden.
So I started swimming recently and therefore stopped doing home workouts. Yesterday, I didn't have practice and had the best home workout of my life. I'm seeing a lot of good progress physically and am considering doing double workouts a day (one at home one for swim). The only problem with this is that I'm going to be COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED. I'll experiment with it this week.
I was reading my previous journals for more inspiration and motivation and I completely forgot to do my waterfast. But I don't know if its even necessary anymore. I feel like my self discipline has gotten better, but I guess it could use some more work. Today, I will not play any videos, and I will just be productive.
To Do's:
- Workout
- Shower (5 minute warm to cold)
- Flu Shot
- College Apps and Homework
DON'TS:
-Don't go on discord
-Don't play video games
-Don't PMO!
Hey everyone. Today is day 11. LETS GOOOOOO!
I woke up this morning with the hardest dick I've felt in ages. I couldn't tell if it was morning wood or not because I think I had a sexual dream... but still: I very rarely got boners unless I was directly watching porn. Definitely a win in my books.
Don't have venous leakage! My problem is just PIED. I did a lot of research yesterday on the topic and found that someone my age, who has grown up sexualized to high speed internet porn, should allow up to an entire year to recover. This kind of sucked to hear, but I have to do it. One year of a lifeless dick is better than en eternity. You got this Kayden.
So I started swimming recently and therefore stopped doing home workouts. Yesterday, I didn't have practice and had the best home workout of my life. I'm seeing a lot of good progress physically and am considering doing double workouts a day (one at home one for swim). The only problem with this is that I'm going to be COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED. I'll experiment with it this week.
I was reading my previous journals for more inspiration and motivation and I completely forgot to do my waterfast. But I don't know if its even necessary anymore. I feel like my self discipline has gotten better, but I guess it could use some more work. Today, I will not play any videos, and I will just be productive.
To Do's:
- Workout
- Shower (5 minute warm to cold)
- Flu Shot
- College Apps and Homework
DON'TS:
-Don't go on discord
-Don't play video games
-Don't PMO!
Hey Kayden, it's awesome to hear you're doing well. I recommend against the waterfast personally, I think that may end up harming willpower more than fortifying it, but who knows. More exercise is always good! If you make time for it and prioritize it, it can really add so much to your life, give you something to be proud of yourself for as well as just improving your mental and emotional stability. Exercise I think is crucial to recovery and also to a healthy happy life.
In terms of the time frame, don't let that discourage you. Certainly it'll take time to really recover, but you've already recognized the negatives that PMO has had on your life, and presumably you weren't planning on going back to it anyway, so a year doesn't make much of a difference in that sense. Just keep your head up and take it day by day.
In terms of the time frame, don't let that discourage you. Certainly it'll take time to really recover, but you've already recognized the negatives that PMO has had on your life, and presumably you weren't planning on going back to it anyway, so a year doesn't make much of a difference in that sense. Just keep your head up and take it day by day.
November 1, Day #12
I've been very unproductive recently. I need to delete video games and see them as another form of addiction. I shouldn't substitute my porn usage by video game addiction, its toxic as well.
Remember, this is a journey to better your ENTIRE life. Not just your sexual performance. I WILL stick with my hobbies and work today. There is not enough time available to waste. I just uninstalled all games on my computer and moved my xbox to my brothers room.
No MW today. I learned that progress is really up and down so it might be a few weeks of progress followed by a few weeks of the dreaded flatline. Don't feel the need to check if your dick works during your flatline by using artificial stimulation... Let it rest, you have PIED, not another sexual dysfunction.
I GOT THIS! I AM STRONG AND RESILIENT. I AM NOT A PORN ADDICT, I JUST NEED TO STOP WATCHING PORN.
TO DO'S:
- FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
- Get your homework done before 10
- Play guitar
- COLLEGE APPS!**!*!*!*!*!*!*
DONT'S:
- DON'T PMO
- DON'T STOP BEING A BEAST
I've been very unproductive recently. I need to delete video games and see them as another form of addiction. I shouldn't substitute my porn usage by video game addiction, its toxic as well.
Remember, this is a journey to better your ENTIRE life. Not just your sexual performance. I WILL stick with my hobbies and work today. There is not enough time available to waste. I just uninstalled all games on my computer and moved my xbox to my brothers room.
No MW today. I learned that progress is really up and down so it might be a few weeks of progress followed by a few weeks of the dreaded flatline. Don't feel the need to check if your dick works during your flatline by using artificial stimulation... Let it rest, you have PIED, not another sexual dysfunction.
I GOT THIS! I AM STRONG AND RESILIENT. I AM NOT A PORN ADDICT, I JUST NEED TO STOP WATCHING PORN.
TO DO'S:
- FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS
- Get your homework done before 10
- Play guitar
- COLLEGE APPS!**!*!*!*!*!*!*
DONT'S:
- DON'T PMO
- DON'T STOP BEING A BEAST
fapstranaut02
Active Member
Yes, the recovery process is not linear, its up and down. There will be time where you will not have any MW.
I have read from a user that studied many PIED cases, if I'm not mistaken, he advised that the objective of the recovery is for betterment of life, if you focus solely on sexual performance, there is a high chance that you may fail.
Stay strong Kayden
I have read from a user that studied many PIED cases, if I'm not mistaken, he advised that the objective of the recovery is for betterment of life, if you focus solely on sexual performance, there is a high chance that you may fail.
Stay strong Kayden
Yup. I've been thinking more about how crazy this whole idea of porn addiction is. It's wild to thing that my brain literally remolded itself and changed physically and synaptically just because I jacked off to a screen. And it's even crazier, and better, to think that it can change back to normal.
November 2, Day #13
Wow. I am 100% certain that this is THE reboot cycle for me. Porn and I are no more, I no longer feel the need to PMO, I feel as if I have complete control over my sexual cravings. The last time I reached 2ish weeks in a reboot, the cravings got too much and I started to fantasize hourly. I would eventually feel like I had no other option than to PMO. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. ITS THE DEVIL'S SPAWN GET RID OF IT.
While porn fantasies are limited, sexual thoughts have not been. I've been recollecting a few times were I had semi sexual encounters with women... Maybe a girl hugging me, my first kiss, my pants rubbing against a girl's... All real life situations so I don't really feel the need to limit them.
I've been getting a lot of headaches recently and I'm not fully certain why... maybe its a withdrawal symptom from porn usage? Also, I'm getting around 80% erect boners randomly across the days so I think that's a good sign.
I wish I could speed up this process and like skip to day 90 already. That's something that I've really learned about my self over quarantine and during the reboot: I am really impatient and want to see results without doing the hard work. I need to take this day by day and see the improvements daily... I will reach my ideal self, its just going to take focus and dedication.
LETS GO EVERYONE! ITS NOT ABOUT STOPPING PORN, ITS ABOUT ACCEPTING THAT YOU STOPPED.
TO DO'S:
- Focus in school
- College Work
- Swim
- Guitar + Homework
DONT'S:
- Don't touch your dick when you get urges
- Don't waste time
November 2, Day #13
Wow. I am 100% certain that this is THE reboot cycle for me. Porn and I are no more, I no longer feel the need to PMO, I feel as if I have complete control over my sexual cravings. The last time I reached 2ish weeks in a reboot, the cravings got too much and I started to fantasize hourly. I would eventually feel like I had no other option than to PMO. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. ITS THE DEVIL'S SPAWN GET RID OF IT.
While porn fantasies are limited, sexual thoughts have not been. I've been recollecting a few times were I had semi sexual encounters with women... Maybe a girl hugging me, my first kiss, my pants rubbing against a girl's... All real life situations so I don't really feel the need to limit them.
I've been getting a lot of headaches recently and I'm not fully certain why... maybe its a withdrawal symptom from porn usage? Also, I'm getting around 80% erect boners randomly across the days so I think that's a good sign.
I wish I could speed up this process and like skip to day 90 already. That's something that I've really learned about my self over quarantine and during the reboot: I am really impatient and want to see results without doing the hard work. I need to take this day by day and see the improvements daily... I will reach my ideal self, its just going to take focus and dedication.
LETS GO EVERYONE! ITS NOT ABOUT STOPPING PORN, ITS ABOUT ACCEPTING THAT YOU STOPPED.
TO DO'S:
- Focus in school
- College Work
- Swim
- Guitar + Homework
DONT'S:
- Don't touch your dick when you get urges
- Don't waste time
TimeToFaceReality
Member
good job! You're doing great! I've been getting more headaches lately as I've started removing porn from my life, too. Hard to tell if that's from withdrawal or not. The energy in your posts is very motivating.
Thank you guys for the kind words and support.
November 3, Day #14
Officially completed, or am about to complete, two entire weeks of no PMO. To be completely honest, this doesn't even really feel like too big of an accomplishment; I still know I have a lot of work cut out for me.
The sexual urges and the fantasies are really crawling up on me now. Yesterday was brutal, a full out mental war between the PMO devil and the rebooting Kayden. It was difficult, but when push came to shove, I was able to stay resilient. I hate having fantasies cause I feel like whenever I think about anything sexual my progress is set back a few days. As long as I don't relapse, I'm doing good, I should tell myself, but I need to try to limit fantasies.
I've been feeling very bored and have had a lack of passion recently. I'm trying to replace my old, unhealthy habits with new ones but I just don't feel the same amount of enjoyment. For example, I'm trying to abstain from video games and replacing that activity with guitar. While playing the guitar can be fun, I don't get the same feeling of enjoyment that I do when I play video games. Yesterday, I tried to be productive but I just felt so lethargic and unmotivated that I didn't end up doing anything. I played guitar for a bit but to be completely honest, I just sat down and stared at a blank document screen on my computer for like 4 hours. I don't know what's happening and its kind of scary.
Bit of a more pessimistic post but I know that this is a rough process. I GOT THIS. I WILL DO THIS. PORN DOESN'T HAVE A HOLD ON ME. I AM IN CONTROL
TO DO'S:
- Just try to focus
- Maybe find an enjoyable hobby?
DON'TS:
- Don't be weak; Don't PMO
- Don't be lazy
November 3, Day #14
Officially completed, or am about to complete, two entire weeks of no PMO. To be completely honest, this doesn't even really feel like too big of an accomplishment; I still know I have a lot of work cut out for me.
The sexual urges and the fantasies are really crawling up on me now. Yesterday was brutal, a full out mental war between the PMO devil and the rebooting Kayden. It was difficult, but when push came to shove, I was able to stay resilient. I hate having fantasies cause I feel like whenever I think about anything sexual my progress is set back a few days. As long as I don't relapse, I'm doing good, I should tell myself, but I need to try to limit fantasies.
I've been feeling very bored and have had a lack of passion recently. I'm trying to replace my old, unhealthy habits with new ones but I just don't feel the same amount of enjoyment. For example, I'm trying to abstain from video games and replacing that activity with guitar. While playing the guitar can be fun, I don't get the same feeling of enjoyment that I do when I play video games. Yesterday, I tried to be productive but I just felt so lethargic and unmotivated that I didn't end up doing anything. I played guitar for a bit but to be completely honest, I just sat down and stared at a blank document screen on my computer for like 4 hours. I don't know what's happening and its kind of scary.
Bit of a more pessimistic post but I know that this is a rough process. I GOT THIS. I WILL DO THIS. PORN DOESN'T HAVE A HOLD ON ME. I AM IN CONTROL
TO DO'S:
- Just try to focus
- Maybe find an enjoyable hobby?
DON'TS:
- Don't be weak; Don't PMO
- Don't be lazy
shostamin93
Member
you're gonna have bad days bro, expect those. It might even get really bad, don't let it take you by surprise. You got this! Other guys have done it, so can we!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
Hey anub, I'm had you're come two weeks up. That's really great. I want to warn against overconfidence though. It seems to rear its ugly head around this time. Remember relapse is just one click away. Keep up the measures and the vigilance like never before.
Wishing you luck.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Wishing you luck.
Keep pushing back!
Chris
Thanks guys. Chris - yeah I definitely feel overconfident about this journey. I feel like I need to remind myself that I am strong to be strong but I am also remaining vigilant on my end not to relapse.
November 4, Day #15
I had a lot of sexual thoughts while I was sleeping and this morning. There was this one girl who was on my swim team and I kept on thinking about her breasts. I didn't really fantasize about her sexually, I mean like I didn't visualize her in a p scene. I did think about her bosom...
No morning wood today though, kind of disappointing. Who knows how long this is going to take? This process is long and hard but totally worth it.
I binged some really unhealthy food yesterday. I don't really know why. Im normally very good with my diet and keeping up my physique but I couldn't resist the bags of chips and cookies. I felt really bad afterwards and I need to try and avoid that.
So I played quite a bit of video games yesterday and it made me really happy. I was talking to some of my friends and I completely forgot about p and all the negative thoughts in my head. I came to the decision that once I hit 90 days, or latest recover some bit of constant erections, I will work on my video game habits. I can't handle both at once.
To Do's:
- Be awesome
Dont's:
- Stay vigilant and alert
November 4, Day #15
I had a lot of sexual thoughts while I was sleeping and this morning. There was this one girl who was on my swim team and I kept on thinking about her breasts. I didn't really fantasize about her sexually, I mean like I didn't visualize her in a p scene. I did think about her bosom...
No morning wood today though, kind of disappointing. Who knows how long this is going to take? This process is long and hard but totally worth it.
I binged some really unhealthy food yesterday. I don't really know why. Im normally very good with my diet and keeping up my physique but I couldn't resist the bags of chips and cookies. I felt really bad afterwards and I need to try and avoid that.
So I played quite a bit of video games yesterday and it made me really happy. I was talking to some of my friends and I completely forgot about p and all the negative thoughts in my head. I came to the decision that once I hit 90 days, or latest recover some bit of constant erections, I will work on my video game habits. I can't handle both at once.
To Do's:
- Be awesome
Dont's:
- Stay vigilant and alert
fapstranaut02
Active Member
Yeah bro, I hang out with my friends a lot, i forget all about PMO when I'm socializing. It's a good way, get to build friendship, stay away from PMO, expand network, learn social skills. Hit so many birds with one stone
Yup, exactly!
November 5, Day #16
I had an extremely sexual dream last night: I dreamt that I was having first person sex with one of my favorite p stars but I never orgasmed. It wasn't a wet dream just a very overtly sexual one.
I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I was really tired from swim practice and I figured going to be early was better than staying up later and doing nothing/playing video games. I feel fell rested and am ready to conquer my day.
Swim practices have been really tough recently. I always push really hard and then halfway through I get distracted, lose my focus, and give up. I think this is because all of the fucked up shit going on in my head right now: keep persevering with noFAP and all aspects of your life will change.
Guitar is actually super fun, but I can't force myself to play it. In my history if anyone forces you to do something, its not going to be enjoyable. I am going to play guitar when I feel like it, not because I feel obliged to.
TO DO'S:
- Stop checking friend activity on spotify (its distracting and all you do is check B's activity). Let go of her and your past, you are a changing man about to become a changed man. Women and porn don't control you
- Eat healthy
DONT'S:
- Don't snack on chips, etc.
- Don't eat at least 3 hours before practice
- DONT GIVE UP!
November 5, Day #16
I had an extremely sexual dream last night: I dreamt that I was having first person sex with one of my favorite p stars but I never orgasmed. It wasn't a wet dream just a very overtly sexual one.
I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I was really tired from swim practice and I figured going to be early was better than staying up later and doing nothing/playing video games. I feel fell rested and am ready to conquer my day.
Swim practices have been really tough recently. I always push really hard and then halfway through I get distracted, lose my focus, and give up. I think this is because all of the fucked up shit going on in my head right now: keep persevering with noFAP and all aspects of your life will change.
Guitar is actually super fun, but I can't force myself to play it. In my history if anyone forces you to do something, its not going to be enjoyable. I am going to play guitar when I feel like it, not because I feel obliged to.
TO DO'S:
- Stop checking friend activity on spotify (its distracting and all you do is check B's activity). Let go of her and your past, you are a changing man about to become a changed man. Women and porn don't control you
- Eat healthy
DONT'S:
- Don't snack on chips, etc.
- Don't eat at least 3 hours before practice
- DONT GIVE UP!