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My Recovery Journal
- Thread starter worldlit4213
- Start date
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 107
Today was good. Rest day, read, did some homework, and found a new tournament! This one is for a cash prize so I have a good motivation for the next month to eat right and work-out. I set up a meal schedule today and outlined the right foods I should eat for the next month. This one isn't as much of a stressor. It's about an hour away from where I live and it's competitive so I'm motivated to win and get the $3,000 prize. Had a few thoughts and temptations creep in, but I identified them and moved around a bit to get my mind away from them. I'm finding it difficult to make time to meditate and play piano. I always push it off and then it's too late to do it. Maybe I'll make myself do it early when I have more energy and time. Looking forward to week 16!
Thanks a lot guys! This forum has helped me a ton. If I didn't find this forum I'm sure I wouldn't be on day 107. It's a big help and a big change in my life and I'm so thankful for your guys' support.
Today was good. Rest day, read, did some homework, and found a new tournament! This one is for a cash prize so I have a good motivation for the next month to eat right and work-out. I set up a meal schedule today and outlined the right foods I should eat for the next month. This one isn't as much of a stressor. It's about an hour away from where I live and it's competitive so I'm motivated to win and get the $3,000 prize. Had a few thoughts and temptations creep in, but I identified them and moved around a bit to get my mind away from them. I'm finding it difficult to make time to meditate and play piano. I always push it off and then it's too late to do it. Maybe I'll make myself do it early when I have more energy and time. Looking forward to week 16!
Thanks a lot guys! This forum has helped me a ton. If I didn't find this forum I'm sure I wouldn't be on day 107. It's a big help and a big change in my life and I'm so thankful for your guys' support.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 108
Today was great. I'm on the new diet plan so I'm eating a lot more and it's healthy stuff so I'm feeling good. Working out and jiu-jitsu is good. Putting a lot of carbs back into my system gives me way more energy now which is great. I did get really angry at jiu-jitsu today because one of my training partners did what's considered a "dirty move" in jiu-jitsu which rattled me pretty hard. But I'm recovering mentally and feeling good, trying to be slow to anger and re-center myself. I had little to no temptations today which was good. I'm all caught up on school, and I'm making room for meditation and piano. So things are looking good so far. Excited to see the results from this new bulk diet. Looking forward to completing week 16!
Today was great. I'm on the new diet plan so I'm eating a lot more and it's healthy stuff so I'm feeling good. Working out and jiu-jitsu is good. Putting a lot of carbs back into my system gives me way more energy now which is great. I did get really angry at jiu-jitsu today because one of my training partners did what's considered a "dirty move" in jiu-jitsu which rattled me pretty hard. But I'm recovering mentally and feeling good, trying to be slow to anger and re-center myself. I had little to no temptations today which was good. I'm all caught up on school, and I'm making room for meditation and piano. So things are looking good so far. Excited to see the results from this new bulk diet. Looking forward to completing week 16!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 109
Today was great. The new diet plan has been fantastic. It is tough to have to eat so often, but maybe I'll work on spreading my meals further apart somehow to make it easier. And I'm already getting used to it. Thinking about the meal schedule does help to keep my mind focused on something good and not distracted. When I get distracted or aimless thoughts they tend to consistently drift towards P, memories, or just lust in general. I exercised a lot, did my homework, had my classes, read, and felt good spiritually, mentally, and psychologically. I'm finishing my daily to-do lists more efficiently, and things are looking bright. I found some enthusiasm about school and studies, working on a paper for a symposium and reading stuff. Looking forward to a trip to Arizona and Texas in about a week and a half as well. Praying that I don't get a bad dream or caught off guard like the last time. Looking forward to completing week 16!
Today was great. The new diet plan has been fantastic. It is tough to have to eat so often, but maybe I'll work on spreading my meals further apart somehow to make it easier. And I'm already getting used to it. Thinking about the meal schedule does help to keep my mind focused on something good and not distracted. When I get distracted or aimless thoughts they tend to consistently drift towards P, memories, or just lust in general. I exercised a lot, did my homework, had my classes, read, and felt good spiritually, mentally, and psychologically. I'm finishing my daily to-do lists more efficiently, and things are looking bright. I found some enthusiasm about school and studies, working on a paper for a symposium and reading stuff. Looking forward to a trip to Arizona and Texas in about a week and a half as well. Praying that I don't get a bad dream or caught off guard like the last time. Looking forward to completing week 16!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 110
Today was good. The diet is still helping and I'm getting adjusted. Getting my meals in and the right grams of the right stuff. Lifted, read, had classes, watched a film, but was very irritated. Not due to lusts or withdrawals, but due to the nuisance that is the new cut on the inside of my upper lip that keeps rubbing against my teeth! I got the cut from that face crush yesterday which makes it doubly enraging; injures my pride and body! I'm getting by though. Not many thoughts or temptations today. I learned that a large source of thoughts are from lying down on my bed when I'm tired, so I stopped doing that. Very strange how subtle habits or neural connections can be built and then triggered like that; just lying down on my bed during the day can cause thoughts of P or MO. Overall, it's going well. Felt agitated and less excited today because of the pain probably but it'll heal and some numbing cream helps. Looking forward to completing week 16!
Today was good. The diet is still helping and I'm getting adjusted. Getting my meals in and the right grams of the right stuff. Lifted, read, had classes, watched a film, but was very irritated. Not due to lusts or withdrawals, but due to the nuisance that is the new cut on the inside of my upper lip that keeps rubbing against my teeth! I got the cut from that face crush yesterday which makes it doubly enraging; injures my pride and body! I'm getting by though. Not many thoughts or temptations today. I learned that a large source of thoughts are from lying down on my bed when I'm tired, so I stopped doing that. Very strange how subtle habits or neural connections can be built and then triggered like that; just lying down on my bed during the day can cause thoughts of P or MO. Overall, it's going well. Felt agitated and less excited today because of the pain probably but it'll heal and some numbing cream helps. Looking forward to completing week 16!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 111
Today was great. Exercised, spent quality time with friends, sent some emails, ate well, did homework, and felt well. Didn't have many thoughts or temptations. I had a great time with friends, it was really good I appreciate them a lot. My lip is still healing, but the numbing cream is helping me to quell the pain and conjoined rumination. All in all, things are going smoothly. Looking forward to completing week 16 tomorrow!
Today was great. Exercised, spent quality time with friends, sent some emails, ate well, did homework, and felt well. Didn't have many thoughts or temptations. I had a great time with friends, it was really good I appreciate them a lot. My lip is still healing, but the numbing cream is helping me to quell the pain and conjoined rumination. All in all, things are going smoothly. Looking forward to completing week 16 tomorrow!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 112
Today sucked. I MO'd again, kinda over it already. Just pushing to complete the 120 days and then go to cutting MO out. The cut on my inner lip is really annoying me now. The anger and rumination caused by it is very agitating. It makes my bulking diet that more difficult because it kinda hurts to eat now. I'm trying to control myself and my anger the best I can. I'm just trying my best to control my anger until this heals. *sigh* this sucks. Apart from that I'm good.
Today sucked. I MO'd again, kinda over it already. Just pushing to complete the 120 days and then go to cutting MO out. The cut on my inner lip is really annoying me now. The anger and rumination caused by it is very agitating. It makes my bulking diet that more difficult because it kinda hurts to eat now. I'm trying to control myself and my anger the best I can. I'm just trying my best to control my anger until this heals. *sigh* this sucks. Apart from that I'm good.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 113+114
Today (and yesterday) was good. Read a lot, lifted, kept with the diet, and my cut is healing. I MO'd on day 112 cuz I was infuriated from the cut. Anger/rumination is the second biggest source of temptations. The cut is manageable now, I can eat and talk easier and it hurts less often and with less intensity. But man, I cannot wait for it to fully heal. I'm leaving for Arizona in a couple days and then onto Texas for a week. So I probably won't be making any Reboot posts for a ten days or so. I'll try to log in and post on day 120 which will be the completion of my reboot from P!! Then begins the 90 reboot from MO. Man I cannot wait for that day to come and to have moved past both P and MO. School is going well, but I'm a bit nervous about how to handle my classes while in Texas. This journey has been wild, but I'm so happy I've made it this far after 2-3 years of failure. Thank you everybody!
Today (and yesterday) was good. Read a lot, lifted, kept with the diet, and my cut is healing. I MO'd on day 112 cuz I was infuriated from the cut. Anger/rumination is the second biggest source of temptations. The cut is manageable now, I can eat and talk easier and it hurts less often and with less intensity. But man, I cannot wait for it to fully heal. I'm leaving for Arizona in a couple days and then onto Texas for a week. So I probably won't be making any Reboot posts for a ten days or so. I'll try to log in and post on day 120 which will be the completion of my reboot from P!! Then begins the 90 reboot from MO. Man I cannot wait for that day to come and to have moved past both P and MO. School is going well, but I'm a bit nervous about how to handle my classes while in Texas. This journey has been wild, but I'm so happy I've made it this far after 2-3 years of failure. Thank you everybody!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 115+116
Today (and yesterday) was okay. The pain from the cut is finally subsiding. The diet sucks. I'm stopping eating as much since I'm going to Arizona and Texas and won't be training while there. I'm also starting my 90 day no-MO streak tomorrow! I think I'm solid on no P for the next 4 days, and given that I won't be able to post, I want to start the no-MO streak now. Day 1 is tomorrow of no MO. I'm super glad that I kicked P, and I will give a review of the past 120 days after the trip. But I'm going to feel way better and more confident after 90 days of no MO. I don't want to MO, not only to avoid P in the future, but also not to MO. Lust is a sin that I've been enslaved to since I was 12 when I started watching P. I know I'm going to be tempted and battle with lust until I die, but not being addicted to P or M is obviously a plus. I'm so grateful I made it to this point of no P. Now I just need to kick MO and I'm there! This mission trip will be a great kick-start to this streak. I'm also going to read "5 Easy Steps" that I found a week or so ago. I hope it'll have some helpful information to close out these next 3 months. Day 1 is tomorrow, let's go!! I hope the Lord will heal and provide fortitude to my will to resist sin.
Today (and yesterday) was okay. The pain from the cut is finally subsiding. The diet sucks. I'm stopping eating as much since I'm going to Arizona and Texas and won't be training while there. I'm also starting my 90 day no-MO streak tomorrow! I think I'm solid on no P for the next 4 days, and given that I won't be able to post, I want to start the no-MO streak now. Day 1 is tomorrow of no MO. I'm super glad that I kicked P, and I will give a review of the past 120 days after the trip. But I'm going to feel way better and more confident after 90 days of no MO. I don't want to MO, not only to avoid P in the future, but also not to MO. Lust is a sin that I've been enslaved to since I was 12 when I started watching P. I know I'm going to be tempted and battle with lust until I die, but not being addicted to P or M is obviously a plus. I'm so grateful I made it to this point of no P. Now I just need to kick MO and I'm there! This mission trip will be a great kick-start to this streak. I'm also going to read "5 Easy Steps" that I found a week or so ago. I hope it'll have some helpful information to close out these next 3 months. Day 1 is tomorrow, let's go!! I hope the Lord will heal and provide fortitude to my will to resist sin.
Victor2211
Member
congratulations on your courage and determination in the face of this struggle, God loves you and has wonderful things for your life, his plans are bigger than you can imagine
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 120 No-P
DAY 1-7 No-MO
Finally! I made it through 120 days of no P! It's been a wild journey but unbelievably, I made it onto the other side. However, I don't believe that this is close to being over. I have begun my 90 day journey to no MO on March 16th, and so far it has been a week of success. I will feel more confident about having a more permanent recovery once I get through these 90 days of no MO (in addition to no-P of course). This past week was easy because I was on a mission trip without any opportunities to think about sexual stuff. I did get many strange sexual dreams this past week, but I got through it. The morning wood has been tough since I got back from the trip, but once I get into the groove again where I wake up to go to gym and get to-do lists made I think it'll get easier. I'm so happy I got through 120 days of no-P, but I'm laser-focused on getting through 90 days of no-MO and feeling confident about a more permanent recovery. I'm going to sketch out my to-do list and routines after this. God forbid, if I do PMO then I'm going to reset the entire thing and start the 120 day no P. But I feel good and I'm trying to stay positive. Starting week 2 today, and looking forward to completing it! Thank you everybody for support.
DAY 1-7 No-MO
Finally! I made it through 120 days of no P! It's been a wild journey but unbelievably, I made it onto the other side. However, I don't believe that this is close to being over. I have begun my 90 day journey to no MO on March 16th, and so far it has been a week of success. I will feel more confident about having a more permanent recovery once I get through these 90 days of no MO (in addition to no-P of course). This past week was easy because I was on a mission trip without any opportunities to think about sexual stuff. I did get many strange sexual dreams this past week, but I got through it. The morning wood has been tough since I got back from the trip, but once I get into the groove again where I wake up to go to gym and get to-do lists made I think it'll get easier. I'm so happy I got through 120 days of no-P, but I'm laser-focused on getting through 90 days of no-MO and feeling confident about a more permanent recovery. I'm going to sketch out my to-do list and routines after this. God forbid, if I do PMO then I'm going to reset the entire thing and start the 120 day no P. But I feel good and I'm trying to stay positive. Starting week 2 today, and looking forward to completing it! Thank you everybody for support.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 0 (of no MO)
To be clear, I won't be posting the days of no-p anymore. I'm just gonna be recording the streak about MO. And I MO'd today unfortunately. I had sexual dreams, lots of stress, and temptations which just mounted up and I MO'd. Very disappointing, considering that the first few weeks are the toughest and I had a week head-start for this streak. My guard was down today, and I fell because of it. Disoriented after getting back from Texas and not alert. Going to try to stay on guard and cautious now tomorrow. This shouldn't be as difficult as quitting P, but it's still difficult of course. But I'm confident and ready to take this fresh start today and ride it for the next 90 days! June 23rd is the goal!
To be clear, I won't be posting the days of no-p anymore. I'm just gonna be recording the streak about MO. And I MO'd today unfortunately. I had sexual dreams, lots of stress, and temptations which just mounted up and I MO'd. Very disappointing, considering that the first few weeks are the toughest and I had a week head-start for this streak. My guard was down today, and I fell because of it. Disoriented after getting back from Texas and not alert. Going to try to stay on guard and cautious now tomorrow. This shouldn't be as difficult as quitting P, but it's still difficult of course. But I'm confident and ready to take this fresh start today and ride it for the next 90 days! June 23rd is the goal!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 1
Today was good. Some little temptations, but got through it. Still trudging through some lingering guilt but doing well. I'm trying to abstain from YouTube and electronics a bit to help with focus. Although I don't want to compound stress on myself and lower my chances of success. This first 2-3 weeks are crucial, so I want to be cautious and alert. I know that having papers to write will keep me occupied (I have papers to write currently), and my bulking diet is also keeping me full and thinking about miserable meals haha. Exercise is also helping which is nice. Things are going well all in all. Today was pretty good, was productive. Got a lot of schoolwork done. Not much else to report really. Looking to complete week 1 (no-MO; I'm still good on no-P just to be clear)!
Today was good. Some little temptations, but got through it. Still trudging through some lingering guilt but doing well. I'm trying to abstain from YouTube and electronics a bit to help with focus. Although I don't want to compound stress on myself and lower my chances of success. This first 2-3 weeks are crucial, so I want to be cautious and alert. I know that having papers to write will keep me occupied (I have papers to write currently), and my bulking diet is also keeping me full and thinking about miserable meals haha. Exercise is also helping which is nice. Things are going well all in all. Today was pretty good, was productive. Got a lot of schoolwork done. Not much else to report really. Looking to complete week 1 (no-MO; I'm still good on no-P just to be clear)!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 2
Today was tough. Dealt with some chaser effect from a couple days ago of MO. But, I got through it thankfully. One way I dealt with it was by washing my hands and face with cold water, and reminding myself that MO is not good. Thinking about the badness of MO helps me to avoid its temptations. I lifted hard, which was good. Ate my meals and got my macros. Had great classes and attended a great lecture. Read a lot, listened to some other lectures on YouTube, and thought about stuff. So today went great apart from the temptations of course. I think drinking coffee twice in a day helps me. Drinking coffee in the morning after lifting and then drinking coffee again around the middle of the day (3-4) helps me to stay alert and focused, and not get tired. Only problem is that it kills my appetite and makes this bulking diet more difficult to do. Praying is helping. Reading theology is also greatly helpful. I like reading Scripture more. I need to fix my prayer life a bit, I feel too guilty and ashamed to pray. I think it'll fade away in a few weeks. This next 90 days of no MO is going to be tough, but I know I can do this if I can do 120+ days of no P. Please God have mercy on me.
Today was tough. Dealt with some chaser effect from a couple days ago of MO. But, I got through it thankfully. One way I dealt with it was by washing my hands and face with cold water, and reminding myself that MO is not good. Thinking about the badness of MO helps me to avoid its temptations. I lifted hard, which was good. Ate my meals and got my macros. Had great classes and attended a great lecture. Read a lot, listened to some other lectures on YouTube, and thought about stuff. So today went great apart from the temptations of course. I think drinking coffee twice in a day helps me. Drinking coffee in the morning after lifting and then drinking coffee again around the middle of the day (3-4) helps me to stay alert and focused, and not get tired. Only problem is that it kills my appetite and makes this bulking diet more difficult to do. Praying is helping. Reading theology is also greatly helpful. I like reading Scripture more. I need to fix my prayer life a bit, I feel too guilty and ashamed to pray. I think it'll fade away in a few weeks. This next 90 days of no MO is going to be tough, but I know I can do this if I can do 120+ days of no P. Please God have mercy on me.