My Recovery Journal
- Thread starter worldlit4213
- Start date
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 74
Today was okay. I MO'd again, which I'm pretty pissed off about (due to lack of sleep again). But this time, it lit a fire under me to take this twice as seriously. I don't feel as guilty, just angry and motivated. Today was a big wake-up call for me that just because its day 74 of no P, doesn't mean I can slack off or things become easier. Going to treat everyday from now on like it's day 1 and be more intentional about recovery so I can hit the day 120 mark. So far, I think this is my longest streak of no P ever since I started when I was a teenager which is amazing. I'm not gonna let this streak die out because I was too stupid to not sleep or because I got angry from fasting. I'm dropping Exodus 90 and focusing on deleting P first and foremost, everything else is secondary. I really want to make this streak the one where I find recovery and I'm not letting myself to mess it up by not being attentive at the closing stages. Thanks everyone for your support! Looking to complete week 11!
Today was okay. I MO'd again, which I'm pretty pissed off about (due to lack of sleep again). But this time, it lit a fire under me to take this twice as seriously. I don't feel as guilty, just angry and motivated. Today was a big wake-up call for me that just because its day 74 of no P, doesn't mean I can slack off or things become easier. Going to treat everyday from now on like it's day 1 and be more intentional about recovery so I can hit the day 120 mark. So far, I think this is my longest streak of no P ever since I started when I was a teenager which is amazing. I'm not gonna let this streak die out because I was too stupid to not sleep or because I got angry from fasting. I'm dropping Exodus 90 and focusing on deleting P first and foremost, everything else is secondary. I really want to make this streak the one where I find recovery and I'm not letting myself to mess it up by not being attentive at the closing stages. Thanks everyone for your support! Looking to complete week 11!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 75
Today was good. Rest day, schoolwork, writing, time with family. Little to no thoughts, doing well with that. I got into an argument with my mom which was hurtful, but I found reconciliation soon after. Things are going good, a pretty average day overall. Not much to report. Almost done with week 11!
Today was good. Rest day, schoolwork, writing, time with family. Little to no thoughts, doing well with that. I got into an argument with my mom which was hurtful, but I found reconciliation soon after. Things are going good, a pretty average day overall. Not much to report. Almost done with week 11!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 76
Today was good. I trained, read, did homework, did some grocery shopping, and sort of acted lazy for a few hours which sucked. Nearly no thoughts or temptations. I wish today was a bit more productive, maybe in these last few hours I can redeem the day. Not much to report. Looking to finish off week 11 tomorrow.
Today was good. I trained, read, did homework, did some grocery shopping, and sort of acted lazy for a few hours which sucked. Nearly no thoughts or temptations. I wish today was a bit more productive, maybe in these last few hours I can redeem the day. Not much to report. Looking to finish off week 11 tomorrow.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 77
Today was good. Trained, church, some reading, watched a film, and ate good. Going to start eating healthy for the next month or so to drop some weight for a tournament. Little to no thoughts or temptations. Getting great sleep and school is feeling light. Excited that I made it through week 11! Pushing to completing week 12 now.
Today was good. Trained, church, some reading, watched a film, and ate good. Going to start eating healthy for the next month or so to drop some weight for a tournament. Little to no thoughts or temptations. Getting great sleep and school is feeling light. Excited that I made it through week 11! Pushing to completing week 12 now.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 78
Today was okay. It was pretty boring. It was productive and I had my time occupied with classes, lifting, etc. But man it was just uneventful. Little to no sexual thoughts or temptations. I'm eating clean, so maybe it's the cutting out of sugar that's leaving me bored and tired. No dopamine from food? Well, I'm trudging along. Hopefully tomorrow or the next day I'll have more enthusiasm and energy. School has been occupying a lot of my time, so I don't have the freedom to read or study things that I have a deeper interest in. Zoom fatigue is also real. It's just depressing that I have to interact with people through zoom. I really hope that in the Fall I can move on campus. It's so boring through zoom. Anyway. Week 12 is starting, and I feel good about getting through it.
Today was okay. It was pretty boring. It was productive and I had my time occupied with classes, lifting, etc. But man it was just uneventful. Little to no sexual thoughts or temptations. I'm eating clean, so maybe it's the cutting out of sugar that's leaving me bored and tired. No dopamine from food? Well, I'm trudging along. Hopefully tomorrow or the next day I'll have more enthusiasm and energy. School has been occupying a lot of my time, so I don't have the freedom to read or study things that I have a deeper interest in. Zoom fatigue is also real. It's just depressing that I have to interact with people through zoom. I really hope that in the Fall I can move on campus. It's so boring through zoom. Anyway. Week 12 is starting, and I feel good about getting through it.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 79
Today was good. I felt great, worked out, did my classes, took a nap, ate healthy, read a lot of good stuff, watched some tv, and overall was productive. Had some extra temptations and thoughts today but not too much that I couldn't easily handle. Wasn't bored much either. I think yesterday was because of my body recovering from the crap I ate on Sunday haha. I did ruminate and was on edge emotionally pretty bad today. I was able to acknowledge and control it, but man it just hits me. I'm gonna try to find way to control my irritation and inner anger soon. I think today it was because of a lack of sleep (I took a good nap so I wasn't tired, but regardless) and cutting sugars, carbs, and unhealthy foods out. The first week of healthy eating for me, is usually characterized by increased irritability, so I'm gonna try to sleep more and spend more time alone (I feel way better alone in times like this, because then my emotions don't cause others to be upset and then I feel bad haha). Anyway, I'm getting through life and things are good. Can't complain. Turning 21 in a couple days. Looking forward to leading a P-free 21 and completing week 12!
Today was good. I felt great, worked out, did my classes, took a nap, ate healthy, read a lot of good stuff, watched some tv, and overall was productive. Had some extra temptations and thoughts today but not too much that I couldn't easily handle. Wasn't bored much either. I think yesterday was because of my body recovering from the crap I ate on Sunday haha. I did ruminate and was on edge emotionally pretty bad today. I was able to acknowledge and control it, but man it just hits me. I'm gonna try to find way to control my irritation and inner anger soon. I think today it was because of a lack of sleep (I took a good nap so I wasn't tired, but regardless) and cutting sugars, carbs, and unhealthy foods out. The first week of healthy eating for me, is usually characterized by increased irritability, so I'm gonna try to sleep more and spend more time alone (I feel way better alone in times like this, because then my emotions don't cause others to be upset and then I feel bad haha). Anyway, I'm getting through life and things are good. Can't complain. Turning 21 in a couple days. Looking forward to leading a P-free 21 and completing week 12!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 80
Today was good. I felt relatively good. Had my classes which were insanely boring today, went to the bookstore, slept well, ate healthy, read, lifted, trained, and bible study. Things are going well. Little to no thoughts or temptations. I crashed after I ate after my zoom meetings for half an hour which sucked. Zoom fatigue is real. My classes are still very light and easy which is awesome. My sleep schedule is adjusting and I'm slowly getting a handle on my ruminating tendencies. Keeping my mind occupied and getting rid of sources of stress helps out. Praying, breathing, and exercise is helpful. Healthy eating is actually helping too. Looking forward to completing week 12!
Today was good. I felt relatively good. Had my classes which were insanely boring today, went to the bookstore, slept well, ate healthy, read, lifted, trained, and bible study. Things are going well. Little to no thoughts or temptations. I crashed after I ate after my zoom meetings for half an hour which sucked. Zoom fatigue is real. My classes are still very light and easy which is awesome. My sleep schedule is adjusting and I'm slowly getting a handle on my ruminating tendencies. Keeping my mind occupied and getting rid of sources of stress helps out. Praying, breathing, and exercise is helpful. Healthy eating is actually helping too. Looking forward to completing week 12!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 81
Today was great. Had my birthday with my family, relaxed, had my classes, lifted, and had a cheat day. Things are going great. Had little to no thoughts or temptations. Not much to say. Closing in on week 12! Thanks Chris.
Today was great. Had my birthday with my family, relaxed, had my classes, lifted, and had a cheat day. Things are going great. Had little to no thoughts or temptations. Not much to say. Closing in on week 12! Thanks Chris.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 82
Today was good. The monotonous routine of school, training, and reading is growing heavier, but I'm getting along. Looking forward to a trip to Mexico with friends next week to change pace. The days are becoming very similar now in the semester, which in a way is good because it keeps me occupied and away from thinking about P or lust. Today I had very little thoughts or temptations. I'm eating healthier which is helping my mood and well-being, I'm socializing more through my classes, exercise, and church activities, and I'm learning from school and personal inquiries. I want to pray more, but I can't find the inspiration I had over winter break where there was more time. I think the mission trip to Mexico will help to replenish my spirit a bit, we'll see. Overall, I can't complain. Things are going much better than I deserve. Looking forward to completing week 12 and my 120-day recovery goal! I feel the progress but still see much room for needed improvement.
Thanks Chris!
Today was good. The monotonous routine of school, training, and reading is growing heavier, but I'm getting along. Looking forward to a trip to Mexico with friends next week to change pace. The days are becoming very similar now in the semester, which in a way is good because it keeps me occupied and away from thinking about P or lust. Today I had very little thoughts or temptations. I'm eating healthier which is helping my mood and well-being, I'm socializing more through my classes, exercise, and church activities, and I'm learning from school and personal inquiries. I want to pray more, but I can't find the inspiration I had over winter break where there was more time. I think the mission trip to Mexico will help to replenish my spirit a bit, we'll see. Overall, I can't complain. Things are going much better than I deserve. Looking forward to completing week 12 and my 120-day recovery goal! I feel the progress but still see much room for needed improvement.
Thanks Chris!
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 83+84
Today was awesome. I didn't have a to-do list for today, and I liked it. No pressure from busying tasks and the like allowed me to enjoy my Sunday. Had church, helped out, trained, spent time with my family, watched my show, talked with my mom, and had a good time. Had little to no sexual thoughts or temptations. My weekend was awesome and I'm thankful to God for everything I have. I'm excited that I finished week 12. Looking forward to completing my 3rd month of no P.
Today was awesome. I didn't have a to-do list for today, and I liked it. No pressure from busying tasks and the like allowed me to enjoy my Sunday. Had church, helped out, trained, spent time with my family, watched my show, talked with my mom, and had a good time. Had little to no sexual thoughts or temptations. My weekend was awesome and I'm thankful to God for everything I have. I'm excited that I finished week 12. Looking forward to completing my 3rd month of no P.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 85
Today was okay (exercise, writing, etc.). I woke up with intense morning wood and unfortunately MO'd, which sucked. Made it 11 days I believe since the last MO which is an improvement, but regardless I'm not letting this get in the way of eliminating P. I am finding myself having less and less of a desire for P. It is really strange, I don't even remember very clearly my life before P because I was like 10 back then. But I'm feeling it return to me and it's awesome. However, I'm still staying cautious and aware until the 120 day mark where I think I'll have the full reboot. I'm going to try and make the fourth and final month free of both P and MO. I'm really excited to just get this wretched thing off me. I know I'm gonna have to stay alert forever anyway, but loosening the grip that the sin of P has on me will be a huge blessing and a massive growth for me. Love you guys, keep pushing Chris!
Today was okay (exercise, writing, etc.). I woke up with intense morning wood and unfortunately MO'd, which sucked. Made it 11 days I believe since the last MO which is an improvement, but regardless I'm not letting this get in the way of eliminating P. I am finding myself having less and less of a desire for P. It is really strange, I don't even remember very clearly my life before P because I was like 10 back then. But I'm feeling it return to me and it's awesome. However, I'm still staying cautious and aware until the 120 day mark where I think I'll have the full reboot. I'm going to try and make the fourth and final month free of both P and MO. I'm really excited to just get this wretched thing off me. I know I'm gonna have to stay alert forever anyway, but loosening the grip that the sin of P has on me will be a huge blessing and a massive growth for me. Love you guys, keep pushing Chris!
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
Keep up the good work! 85 days is pretty good. You?re on your way, man.
worldlit4213
Active Member
DAY 86
Today was great. Exercised, got through classes, read, wrote, studied, spent time with friends and family, and preparing for a church trip to Mexico in a few days. Had little to no thoughts or temptations today. And I felt great because I started eating healthy recently (it seems to help with lust too, bad food makes me feel bad and seek O for therapeutic relief). Things are going well here. The trip to Mexico is a guaranteed 4 days of safety from P and/or MO which is nice. Will also be a refreshing change of pace from the present monotonous school + training regiment I'm on. I'm happy, comfortable, and things are looking good overall. Still seeking the Lord too. Although I could pray more. Looking forward to day 90 and getting 3/4 of the way there!
Today was great. Exercised, got through classes, read, wrote, studied, spent time with friends and family, and preparing for a church trip to Mexico in a few days. Had little to no thoughts or temptations today. And I felt great because I started eating healthy recently (it seems to help with lust too, bad food makes me feel bad and seek O for therapeutic relief). Things are going well here. The trip to Mexico is a guaranteed 4 days of safety from P and/or MO which is nice. Will also be a refreshing change of pace from the present monotonous school + training regiment I'm on. I'm happy, comfortable, and things are looking good overall. Still seeking the Lord too. Although I could pray more. Looking forward to day 90 and getting 3/4 of the way there!
Chris Oz
Well-Known Member
You're right about eating healthy. It has lots and lots of benefits. My mom is normally in charge of the kitchen and she dies a great job dishing out healthy meals, I just have to make sure I don't overeat, I think that's my problem. I put more stress on sleeping on time cha. That one is a relapse recovery strong recipe.
Wishing you a lovely time in Mexico!
Wishing you a lovely time in Mexico!