It is so crazy to me how one slip up changes your entire mood. It's an almost immediate response. I HATE how I feel physically and mentally after an episode, and you'd think that would be strong enough a reason to stay away forever. Just shows how strong the urge can be...but I know with time and small victories by responding appropriately to the urges that they will diminish.
Yes, the negatives of this thing, even with one's family or health at stake, are not enough to stay away, because of the power of habit. The urges simply are coming from that habituated lower brain (the limbic system). But, no matter how strong the urges, they can never force you to act on them. Learn to neither act on them or act against them, simply do not respond. The more you do this,
dismissing the urges, the less strong the urges, and you'll discover your power to change this habit.
So, exactly what you said, lol...! Responding appropriately (by a non-response) to the urges, they will indeed diminish.
I think part of the reason the urges are strong right now is that I worked this weekend with a group of college students, and many of the girls wore yoga pants (these are not pants and certainly shouldn't be appropriate as winter wear!). This is obviously very difficult to avoid when they're all around you and you have to work closely with them. This coupled with the new stresses of my job lately create a strong urge. I'm just trying to move forward with what I know is good and healthy for me (prayer and Bible reading in the mornings, etc...).
This is actually an excellent opportunity to show the lower brain (and your flesh) whose actually in charge, the new man! Recognize that attraction to beauty is natural. Appreciate the beauty, but then focus elsewhere. Decide ahead of time that you are simply a man who does not lust. What's the saying, "The first look's on God, the second one's on us" ? I used to follow a '2-second rule', also. And there's also the 'bouncing the eyes' strategy from the
Every Man's Battle book series. I try not to give it too much thought, though. Decide ahead of time, don't shame yourself (or them), and stay in the presence of God. I also have links on my page1 concerning the issue of lust.
Trying not to focus so much on not using porn and focusing more on what I know to do. I'm not saying we shouldn't try to muster up some will power, but I know for myself that my will power alone won't ever be enough.
You're absolutely right, will power alone can't do it, and that it's a matter of both the science of habit-change, and spirituality under grace.
We remember from Colossians 2, 'will-worship', which legalists are all about. No, we recognize that the spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weak. This is why law-keeping itself doesn't work. Instead, we surrender our will to God, surrender to the truth of who you are in Christ, holy, a man of God, a man who does not use porn, or lust.
Be who you are in Christ,
be holy as He is holy. You can be holy because He is holy, you can be holy because you are holy in Him.