TheOvercomer
Member
I've been on this journey for so long. I've lost myself because of my porn addiction, and 2021 is the year I go through a rebirth and begin the process of becoming the greatest person I can possibly be.
I first saw porn when I was 11. I am 24, turning 25 in March. But I believe I started PMO when I was 13. Maybe 12. I remember starting out just watching hot girls make out with each other and the TV show Girls Next Door about the Playboy mansion. Man, I wish just watching hot girls making out today would get me hard.
Anyway, so I remember, probably around 12, being super horny, probably like all of us when approaching puberty, and fucking anything from the carpet to the bed to stuffed animals before discovering masturbation. It was the greatest feeling ever to O and it blew my mind. Mix that with porn and I was in heaven. I remember coming home from school and going straight to my room to PMO for hours. Everyday. At 12,13, I was downloading porn and had a decent library. I remember thinking this was too good to be true. I can have the feeling of sex without having sex, and I can just watch these unbelievable babes and switch between them with just a click. It started out with me orgasming once right after coming home from school, then doing my homework and playing outside with neighborhood friends. Then I would orgasm once and immediately go again, because the second orgasm was just 10x better. And sometimes a third time. Those were the good days. Going at it a second time today is rarely an option. And this went on through middle school and high school.
I didn't realize it then, but porn was slowly taking me away from the happiness that was destined for me. I remember a day when I skipped playing football after school with friends to PMO. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. The phone rang and rang, and I chose the laptop over picking up the phone. I remember not feeling right about it, but I also had no idea that porn could be an addiction. That's why I thought I had found heaven when I started masturbating to porn. Then one day, I think my senior year in high school, still not aware that this was an addiction, I just decided to take a break from porn. And I only lasted 3-5 days before I felt some sort of mild withdrawals. I thought nothing of it and just picked up my laptop.
All through middle school and high school, I never had a girlfriend. And I still haven't had a girlfriend. And I haven't had sex before. I'm a virgin. I'm an only child and very introverted. Always been to myself and never cared to go to school dances, and didn't go to my prom. At the time, I honestly didn't care about prom or making friends.
Then I get to college and it starts to hit me hard. I find out about YBOP. Then I suddenly realize I haven't had morning wood in years. And none of the hot girls in short shorts on campus are getting me hard or turned on. I was completely desensitized. And that's when my journey to recovery began. I remember getting L-Arginine pills and my erections were raging hard when I took them, at least when I watched porn. I wasn't quite aware that I had PIED yet, so I made a goal to just abstain from porn Monday to Friday and take those pills everyday, so that I could have as much confidence as possible when I go out to party on Fridays and Saturdays. Well, I almost always never made it to Friday and when I did, I didn't have the balls to approach a woman, let alone get them to fuck me. This went on throughout college and I slowly fell into a depression, because I realized how much of a loser I am.
I had no real friends in high school or college. Fridays were terrible because I would be locked in my dorm room watching porn while every student is out partying and fucking. This is what college is all about, and I'm just wasting it. I got serious about quitting it, but I would only last about 3 days max before relapsing. One time in my sophomore year, I made it to 7 days and when I relapsed after those 7 days, I sunk deeper in my addiction. I never quit trying to quit, but I always failed after a couple of days. Then in my junior year, I reached a new low. A friend of mine caught me masturbating. My door was locked and he was behind it. I hurriedly put on my pants and opened the door, and all the evidence was right there. The laptop on the bed, the tissues, the lotion. He yelled it all out and my dorm mates heard it and bust out laughing. This is when I truly started to lose myself. When I truly realized that porn has taken control of my life. He called me a while ago that he was coming by my dorm so that we could hit the gym together, and instead of me getting ready, I was jerking off til the last minute. And you would think that would be the last straw that would make me quit. But I kept on with porn. Then the worst thing happened to me in my junior year. I discovered weed mixed with porn and masturbation. I was 12 again, discovering the high of masturbation. I completely quit trying to give up the addiction and just sunk deeper and deeper. I was always trying to chase the high of the first time I smoked and PMO'd. I sunk so deep that I bought a 1TB hard drive and filled it up with porn.
I also turned 21 in my junior year and could finally go to bars and clubs, since I was too much of a loser to even know about fake IDs. I made a new set of friends and would go out with them, and I just did not have the confidence in myself to approach women. I was just down on myself ever since I got caught a few months prior and just got depressed. Then make shit worse, I got caught a second time a year later. This time in the act of pmo, with my dick out. This just completely fucked me up and took away all my confidence in myself.
I graduated that year I got caught the second time and cut off all my friends. I was unemployed that whole year after graduating and hit rock bottom. I was living with my mother and got paranoid with weed after always getting caught. And so that ruined weed for me. Weed was my best friend before graduating and now I'm always paranoid and cannot enjoy it anymore. That whole year, I would smoke and pull up some porn, but my dick would not get hard. This was the first time that I couldn't even get hard to porn. I would get a job a year later and my dick got hard to porn again, so it was just stress and depression from being unemployed and stuck at home while all my friends had jobs. I should point out that even though weed made me paranoid and sick, I never stopped smoking it because the extra dopamine I got from watching porn high was incredible. Until now.
Fast forward to 2021. I promised myself that New Years Eve was the last time I'd ever O. But I have relapsed a couple times. I have made this similar promise of "This is my last time relapsing" countless times to the point that I've ALMOST lost confidence in myself that I can overcome this addiction. But I will never stop believing in myself and so I say again, "Monday, Jan 11 2021 was the last time I relapse". I mean it and I'm completely confident that I will cure my PIED and anxiety this year. And I will have sex and kill my anxiety and be the man I know I can be. On midnight, i will hit 4days of abstaining from porn and masturbation. The short term goal is to break my record of 7 days, and the long term goal is to cure my PIED and have morning wood on a regular basis and rock hard erections whenever I'm intimate with a woman.
I first saw porn when I was 11. I am 24, turning 25 in March. But I believe I started PMO when I was 13. Maybe 12. I remember starting out just watching hot girls make out with each other and the TV show Girls Next Door about the Playboy mansion. Man, I wish just watching hot girls making out today would get me hard.
Anyway, so I remember, probably around 12, being super horny, probably like all of us when approaching puberty, and fucking anything from the carpet to the bed to stuffed animals before discovering masturbation. It was the greatest feeling ever to O and it blew my mind. Mix that with porn and I was in heaven. I remember coming home from school and going straight to my room to PMO for hours. Everyday. At 12,13, I was downloading porn and had a decent library. I remember thinking this was too good to be true. I can have the feeling of sex without having sex, and I can just watch these unbelievable babes and switch between them with just a click. It started out with me orgasming once right after coming home from school, then doing my homework and playing outside with neighborhood friends. Then I would orgasm once and immediately go again, because the second orgasm was just 10x better. And sometimes a third time. Those were the good days. Going at it a second time today is rarely an option. And this went on through middle school and high school.
I didn't realize it then, but porn was slowly taking me away from the happiness that was destined for me. I remember a day when I skipped playing football after school with friends to PMO. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. The phone rang and rang, and I chose the laptop over picking up the phone. I remember not feeling right about it, but I also had no idea that porn could be an addiction. That's why I thought I had found heaven when I started masturbating to porn. Then one day, I think my senior year in high school, still not aware that this was an addiction, I just decided to take a break from porn. And I only lasted 3-5 days before I felt some sort of mild withdrawals. I thought nothing of it and just picked up my laptop.
All through middle school and high school, I never had a girlfriend. And I still haven't had a girlfriend. And I haven't had sex before. I'm a virgin. I'm an only child and very introverted. Always been to myself and never cared to go to school dances, and didn't go to my prom. At the time, I honestly didn't care about prom or making friends.
Then I get to college and it starts to hit me hard. I find out about YBOP. Then I suddenly realize I haven't had morning wood in years. And none of the hot girls in short shorts on campus are getting me hard or turned on. I was completely desensitized. And that's when my journey to recovery began. I remember getting L-Arginine pills and my erections were raging hard when I took them, at least when I watched porn. I wasn't quite aware that I had PIED yet, so I made a goal to just abstain from porn Monday to Friday and take those pills everyday, so that I could have as much confidence as possible when I go out to party on Fridays and Saturdays. Well, I almost always never made it to Friday and when I did, I didn't have the balls to approach a woman, let alone get them to fuck me. This went on throughout college and I slowly fell into a depression, because I realized how much of a loser I am.
I had no real friends in high school or college. Fridays were terrible because I would be locked in my dorm room watching porn while every student is out partying and fucking. This is what college is all about, and I'm just wasting it. I got serious about quitting it, but I would only last about 3 days max before relapsing. One time in my sophomore year, I made it to 7 days and when I relapsed after those 7 days, I sunk deeper in my addiction. I never quit trying to quit, but I always failed after a couple of days. Then in my junior year, I reached a new low. A friend of mine caught me masturbating. My door was locked and he was behind it. I hurriedly put on my pants and opened the door, and all the evidence was right there. The laptop on the bed, the tissues, the lotion. He yelled it all out and my dorm mates heard it and bust out laughing. This is when I truly started to lose myself. When I truly realized that porn has taken control of my life. He called me a while ago that he was coming by my dorm so that we could hit the gym together, and instead of me getting ready, I was jerking off til the last minute. And you would think that would be the last straw that would make me quit. But I kept on with porn. Then the worst thing happened to me in my junior year. I discovered weed mixed with porn and masturbation. I was 12 again, discovering the high of masturbation. I completely quit trying to give up the addiction and just sunk deeper and deeper. I was always trying to chase the high of the first time I smoked and PMO'd. I sunk so deep that I bought a 1TB hard drive and filled it up with porn.
I also turned 21 in my junior year and could finally go to bars and clubs, since I was too much of a loser to even know about fake IDs. I made a new set of friends and would go out with them, and I just did not have the confidence in myself to approach women. I was just down on myself ever since I got caught a few months prior and just got depressed. Then make shit worse, I got caught a second time a year later. This time in the act of pmo, with my dick out. This just completely fucked me up and took away all my confidence in myself.
I graduated that year I got caught the second time and cut off all my friends. I was unemployed that whole year after graduating and hit rock bottom. I was living with my mother and got paranoid with weed after always getting caught. And so that ruined weed for me. Weed was my best friend before graduating and now I'm always paranoid and cannot enjoy it anymore. That whole year, I would smoke and pull up some porn, but my dick would not get hard. This was the first time that I couldn't even get hard to porn. I would get a job a year later and my dick got hard to porn again, so it was just stress and depression from being unemployed and stuck at home while all my friends had jobs. I should point out that even though weed made me paranoid and sick, I never stopped smoking it because the extra dopamine I got from watching porn high was incredible. Until now.
Fast forward to 2021. I promised myself that New Years Eve was the last time I'd ever O. But I have relapsed a couple times. I have made this similar promise of "This is my last time relapsing" countless times to the point that I've ALMOST lost confidence in myself that I can overcome this addiction. But I will never stop believing in myself and so I say again, "Monday, Jan 11 2021 was the last time I relapse". I mean it and I'm completely confident that I will cure my PIED and anxiety this year. And I will have sex and kill my anxiety and be the man I know I can be. On midnight, i will hit 4days of abstaining from porn and masturbation. The short term goal is to break my record of 7 days, and the long term goal is to cure my PIED and have morning wood on a regular basis and rock hard erections whenever I'm intimate with a woman.