p0nr (Point of No Return)

[quitforeverthenwin2]

Hey man, way to go keeping up the good fight.

I can relate to how you are thinking, I thought that way a few years ago. The intense pressure and extreme emotions.

I recommend actually being a bit easier on yourself and taking the pressure off a bit.

I've found getting all riled up "this is the last TIME!!!" doesn't actually do much for making it the last time. The consistent work does. But when one is really hard oneself being consistent is hard - as each mistake seems like erases everything and progress is all gone.

When I've succeeded in cutting things out, I wasn't super amped up and mad when I did it.

And hey, give yourself credit for what you have got. You have a job ( even if you don't like it). You are good looking and strong and in great shape (that is all awesome). I am not surprised the girl was into you at the gym even with the lapse....

Quitting porn is really important but it is not the only aspect of life. Also for myself - I have always done better when I don't count days.

Basically I am saying all this stuff because I can relate so much to the way you are thinking and feeling - I felt similarly and though I am not perfect by any means I feel a lot better.

Two more things I guess haha

1) You can always choose to not look at porn. Thats a big one. No matter how strong the urge or even if you open your computer.

The one time this year I almost looked at porn this year, I entered a url into the web browser on my phone it was loading up but no images yet. I closed the page and haven't looked back since. You can always choose.

2) Hammering this point again - getting all angry and riled up doesn't necessarily help. It's the actions in the moments of urges that matter. 

Like I would think about avoiding porn all day, but laying in bed at night I would still lapse. The only time that mattered was the times I'd lapse. By focusing all my energy on that time - it was less effort AND more importantly much more successful.

So perhaps you can give yourself some credit - relax a bit. Enjoy working out, set some chief aims that are not related to avoiding porn. Then have a game plan for when urges hit you. (i.e. go for a walk, meditate) and PLAN bs - like if meditation isn't working go for a walk, clean etc. and put most of the willpower into those times

You have the will man! It's just a matter of figuring out the alchemy of working hard but not being too hard on yourself

 

[FrankWhite12]

My friend, you have got to seek professional help. Having heavy suicidal thoughts and trying to commit suicide is serious as yourself surlely know. To get out of that, you will need support.
But you have got to commit to do anyrhing in your power to make it out of this hole.
Whatever life will throw at you, you eont back down. Commit to find a solution to your life.
Your problems are rooted far deeper than just porn addiction. You hate your whole life right now. But you can find a way to change it.

Good luck man

This.
Overcomer, I think what you need are small victories, a small light in any area of life. Try to focus on those small victories (for example the gym Personal record you mentioned). Let them fuel your energy, they are a manifestation of what can be accomplished by YOU. YOU alone did that, and you can do it again, hell even more.
As you collect and cherish those moments and FOCUS on those little things, momentum builds up. Trust me, it will. You can use that to take that momentum to abstain from PMO. You can and will (I am fucking sure about it!) get to a point where looking at porn is not even an option, where it becomes an impossibility.
Little by little, one step at a time. What helped me is to be conscious of anything that I do (ex.: open the laptop, your fingers are typing sth, the name of one of those sites, but you hesitate, pause and become aware of what you're about to do.).
Besides that, adhere to the acronym of HALT and make sure, you are neither H-hungry, A-angry, L-lonely or T-tired since those states bear great risk in relapsing.
You got this man. I Believe in you.

 

[TheOvercomer]

It's really all in the mind.

So in terms of avoiding porn and masturbation, I haven't really succeeded in that. Today is day 2 of my latest streak, I went 8 days before that, and 8 days before that. In the beginning of the year, I would slip around day 4-5, and last year and before that, I would be lucky to go past two days. And I can confidently say the change is all in the mind. Days before the New Year, I would relapse after 2-3 days and punish myself with cold showers and blocking all social media because I promised myself 2021 would be the year I would break from this addiction. it is life or death. Literally, I've made a promise to myself that if I'm alone again with no parties to go to this New Year's Eve, I'm ending it all. The first half of the year was a lot of falls, but a lot of learning. And I was also being a coward and not facing my fears of socializing. But I want to change so fucking bad that I actually want to socialize now. I went to a friend's house last week (she's a girl, with girl roommates) and I gained a ton of confidence when I left just by how well I socialized. I had 'em giggling here and there, and I felt one of them continuously looking at my direction. Now I want to fuck her so bad lol (got a boyfriend too). It makes me a bit sad that I want her so bad because it reeks of desperation. But I'm so proud of how far I've come in one year. I feel like I've made more progress in these 6 months than I made in all these years I've been fighting this addiction combined. I guess it's just the compound effect. My mind is intensifying the desire, now I just need to be relentless with action. To never ever ever watch porn and keep rewiring with real women.

I binged some porn this past 4th of July weekend and I'm still feeling hella guilty because of it. I feel like I lost a shit ton of progress from binging. But I will bounce back, and I will beat this addiction this year. I'm sure of it. I will live to tell this success story to the world one day.