A new beginning

It's been almost seven years since I realized that I was addicted to porn. And I've been trying to quit with no success so far. I wouldn't say that I've made no progress, but still keep watching porn, every week, sometimes every month. I relapse frequently in the worst way possible, binging and edging.

One factor I think is that I haven't spent enough time dealing with it, in an active way. So this journal is my approach to a new path, one that will end with a better me.

Last night I relapsed and I haven't sleep well, however, here I am, I'm planning my day ahead. I will be reading and playing my instruments.

My pledge is to write a post here everyday. The road starts here
Day 2.

I sleep 10 hours, since last night barely slept because of relapse. I feel good, although a little anxious.

Yesterday I was thinking that PMO is not normal at all and we shouldn't treat it like a light issue. Is not normal not to sleep, is not normal to have anxiety, is not normal to feel drained and empty afterwards. Maybe for some people, pmo is not even an issue (although I think it is for a big chunk), but for me this is the reality if I indulge.

Also, it hampers your development, as an individual, makes you see women as objects creating violent fantasies which are exclusive to the porn realm. Real sex is not like that. Like Gary Wilson says "you're training for the wrong sport"



Active Member
Hi alain,

I'm glad you're here and posting.  I'm sorry you're not sleeping well, but you are right, that will get better as you put together more days with no PMO.  Good that you're already planning out your days to fill the time, that will help with urges.

You're making good decisions already, so you're doing well!  Stay strong!
Day 3 and already feeling better. Today I achieved interestings things at work, which make me leave feeling good.

But I can't fool myself, I'm feeling OK cause its not long enough, I know from experience that when I'm making real progress I will start feeling terrible, so I need to prepare for that. I can't loose my motivation and if I do, I have to develop skills in order to resist. I'm reading a lot about pmo science and how it affects the brain.
Day 4.

Today I was angry a bit furious at some points. The stress at work doesn't help. But anyway, I managed to go through and do all the things I planned, work, some errands and a rehearsal with my band.

I'm thinking that maybe I'm feeling angry because of stress hormones, which can be a sign of progress, maybe it's a good way to focus it.

Now I will watch the new video in the reboot nation and of to bed.

Day 5

Yesterday I watched the new video by gabe deem and decided to.do the cold shower thing, which was wonderful. I started the day full of energy. I went to the work and started some jobs I was delaying. I end up really tired, but happy anyway.

No serious withdrawal symptoms, only some slight flashback which I had no problem ignoring.

Tomorrow another day, stay strong!!!
Day 6

I feel knackered after work. And the worst is that I'm working all the weekend. I'm home and I can't concentrate to read properly or anything. I'm feeling angry since I'm loosing all my online chess games (I know it sounds stupid). So I think I will head to bed soon.

I'm doing a 24h fasting and I decided to do that once a week.

Tomorrow will be better (or not), but I will continue building my path out of porn


Keep at it! Working all weekend might be a good distraction for you?
You are not your thoughts! You can do this!
Thanks bro!!

No, we are not our thoughts, or maybe we should say our impulses. I still believe our brains are key. They have the potential to become addicted, as well as the power to break the addiction. And part of the process is the stories that we told ourselves.

Yes, definitely work is a distraction, specially in the pandemic days. But really the best distraction is spending time with friends.

Best mate
Day 7.

Such a productive day at work, I feel so proud of myself.

I work with computers and one of my temptations is to take one of the laptops and bring it home to relapse (at home I only have a tablet which is totally blocked). But then I keep telling myself that it is nonsense, and the only true way is abstinence.

I am scared by the idea that sometimes porn addiction feels like a tunnel where PMO is the only way out. I know that feeling and confronting it is one of my biggest challenges. Any suggestions on how to face it?



7 days is huge! Keep going alain!

I know what you mean about PMO being the only option you can see when the urges strike.  I've had to throw my headset down, stop everything I'm doing, and walk outside at least a few times now.  Putting myself in a place where I can't PMO helps the urges pass.  They -do- pass, it just takes a while for them to go away.


I also work with computers all day and I really recognize the triggers that can come from using them. Have you tried meditating? What i mean with you are not your thoughts is pretty much what you learn when learning to meditate, acknowledge your thoughts or urges, and then let them pass swiftly through your mind. Helps me to think of my thoughts and urges that way at least :)


Active Member
Great job on your 7 days free from pmo!

My only advice is to just not fear the unknown. And what really will happen is just like all addictions is that you will miss it less and less for each day that goes. But it will take a long time, so don?t get scared about it eventhough it did scare the hell out of me. Be patient and you will overcome this addiction, no doubts. Don?t reason with the addict inside of you, just keep saying no and get focus on something else. Pick up a hobby or do something you haven?t tried before and fill your life with it. Don?t ever peak on pictures you feel are triggers, or get caught up in fantasizing about pmo you?ve seen. Just get your focus on something each time, just like a boxer dodging a punch each time and the triggers and urges will become less powerful.

Keep going!
Day 8

Today I had a meeting all day, I will have a free day tomorrow, after 7 days on a row.

I woke up and started playing chess online until I realised I was getting angry whilst playing. So I uninstalled the app, since I think I was looking for a dopamine hit, honestly. Then I had a cold shower, which sets up the mood for the day. But then I was still more angry. And frustrated. So I was in the meeting feeling mad. Until that feeling dissappeared. I can't even tell you when. It just faded. And I think that anger is a withdrawal symptom.

I just watched https://youtu.be/NzwkRFOta4w and I can tell you that I meet all five. Which is sad to admit, but unless I am 100% sincere with myself, no progress will happen.

Day 9

Today it was a free day, but since it was Monday I got quite bored. Up to a point where I had a lip, peeking some pictures, through the kindle. How stupid!! I got to the point of almost PMO, but I stopped just on time. But now I'm feeling a bit nervous and kind of like in a slippery slope. So the next few days I need to be extra careful.



Active Member
It is a slippery slope, but you stopped yourself, which is fantastic!  Especially within the first few weeks.  You're doing well friend, stay strong!
Day 10

It feels good to have 2 digits in the counter, is not that easy. Now must strive for 3 digits :)

Today I visited my parents and a had a mature conversation with my mother about some painful family stories and it felt like a relief. I don't think I could've had a conversation like this in a not reboot mindset.

I still feel a bit stressed after yesterday's incident, and definitely should be extra careful not to expose myself.

Keep strong my friends
Day. 11

The slip of the other day is almost forgotten. Today I was feeling a bit anxious, but I was able to direct that energy towards productive things, so no problem. I also think that writing here everyday and, therefore, acknowledging the addiction makes it easier to get through it.

Day 12

Another day free of porn and its effects. I feel happy of doing this and specifically of coming here everyday and update it.

Some ocasional mood swings happen during the day and my stress levels are higher than usual. But that's the way it is. No pain no gain like they say. And it will get worse, I know it will. But also, I will be able to overcome addiction.