A new beginning

Day 13

I'm starting to feel more and more horny, and find my mind tending to fantasy. Which I'm avoiding totally as well as masturbation. This is what is keeping my focused, because in my experience, MO during the reboot, even without any P only reinforces the same pathways and leads ultimately to relapse. But is also harder, since there is no scape valve.

The bottonline for me is writing here everyday and reading and watching videos on the topic. If I'm not doing that, I need to worry.


Doing great man! Keep up!
I'm also in a state where i'm horny and have to combat a lot of thoughts on images that i've seen in porn. It's annoying to have them when you don't really want them to be there at all.
We can do this!!
Yes, definitely is an inconvenient. Sometimes I have to shake my head in order to get rid of them. But I have the feeling that they will go away, just need to stay away from PMO and they will evaporate. They're not real memories, like the ones you have of intimate sex or being with someone you love.

Best mate
Day 15

I woke up with cravings this morning, and I would've relapsed if I had a laptop close. Fortunately enough all my devices are blocked. But it's scary anyway.

Later in I went climbing and it was really a beautiful day


New Member
Keep up the good work man, I'm right there with you on day 16.  Anytime I get a craving I just make myself go out and run until the craving or thoughts are gone, has worked really well so far!
Day 16.

I feel pretty normal and stable. Occasionally I get angry with stupid things (my tablet not working properly and so on). But mostly I feel good and making progress. I think that erasing not only masturbation, but fantasy is key. It's one of the longest periods in my life without orgasms.

At work I feel very focused and I enjoy normal pleasures like food, excercise and sociallizing.
Day 18- morning

Yesterday I fall sleep on the couch, so I didn't write any post here..

Nothing very special, I don't feel any particular withdrawal symptoms and my overall state is pretty good. My libido is very low, I don't show any interest for women. But that doesn't feel bad. In fact, it feels like a relief and something less to worry about. That way I can concentrate on the important stuff, like abstaining from porn
Day 18

I was feeling pretty well and enjoying how life feels without porn. But when I arrived home, a big withdrawal hit me. I felt anxious, headache and shaking. It only lasted for like 5 minutes, but reminded me of what I am doing..

I'm going hard mode, and this is the longest I've ever been without masturbation or any sexual relief. I'm consciously blocking fantasy.
Day 19

This is like super new uncharted territory for me. I feel super anxious, looking for excuses to get angry. My stress system is totally out of control. I don't know if I will get any sleep. Tonight I dreamt that I was taking the laptop from work home in order to relapse. It was all a dream, but it felt so real (maybe cause I've done that many times)

At the same time I feel like I'm making progress and following the way forward. I show very small interest for girls (not many opportunities though).

How are you doing?
Day 20

I saw a girl I like in the morning, and I didn't feel very anxious as I use to. I just popped into her in a bar. I don't know if she's into me, but anyway, I felt like she was feeling something having me close. In the evening I was sad and frustrated since I didn't have any plans for the weekend, but I made a couple of calls and tomorrow I'm going for a walk to the country side, which is great.

I'm feeling more sexual but not very into girls, which sounds contradictory. But I think I'm just acknowledging that I need more time in order for my brain to heal
Day 22

Yesterday I forgot to post here!! I was so tired after doing some hiking that I felt asleep very early.

I'm doing great, not feeling many withdrawal symptoms, I do feel a lack of libido - sexual desire, but is a relief in a way.

I sometimes have the feeling that I'm blaming many things on the addiction and I'm expecting so much of recovery. I mean, many things I don't like are because of how I am, not because addiction and they won't go away. Do you guys feel the same?

I think this is one of the first moments when I feel quitting for good is an option, and is happening. That makes me feel good.

Day 23

Still clean and making progress, I can totally feel that I am a better version of myself, more kind, more creative.

Day 24

Im feeling a lot of sexual energy and I'm already focusing into girls. Is like I feel more attracted to girls that ever before in my life, and not only in sexual terms. But today was like, I was joking with female workmates, flirting with a girl who came to my shop. It all felt so natural, no pressure just playing. And I also can see beyond sex. Like I feel attracted by the person, the smile, the conversation. That is really weird and new, I'm 37, and I think porn blocked this emotions throughout my life.

Best mates
Day 25

I'm sleep depraved, only getting 5-6 hours of sleep every day. My stress system is messed up and I can't concentrate very easily. Today I'm beating my previous mark, which makes me feel pretty good, and doing it hard mode is making it easier. I can feel it takes me more effort to come here and write, and that's a bad sign, like my brain. It feels like a very long process and progress is not linear, like two days ago I was on top of the world and today I'm feeling like shit.



Active Member
Hey Alain,

this is how it goes. The mood swings. The days were you feel not good are now, so take measures to overcome those days.

How can you improve your sleep?
I read 20-30 min a book before i go to bed. For me it's essential that the book is an easy-to-read roman or sth like that.

Anyway, take measures and you will pass the phase. For me measures would be strict bed times, a morning routine, cold showering.

Day 27

Still not sleeping well enough and I wake up stressed. But then I manage fine through the day.

Today I became a patreon for Gabe Deem since he has inspired me so much. In fact it was because of him that I discovered I was addicted in the first place.

I'm also doing cold showers every other day, which helps me a lot. Specially beginning the day


Active Member
Great going alain!

It?s good you?ve found ways that work for you in keeping yourself sober, that is another big step after we aknowledged that we are addicts and need help.
You are almost one month away from pmo, keep going into the shameless future! :)
Day 29

Last night I was throwing out, I think I caught some kind of virus, not corona. I'm at home all day and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate. I'm having some temptations to use. But I won't give up, I made it this far I can't give up like this. Also is Sunday, statistically the day most likely for a relapse.
Day 30

This is amazing, I am progressing so much, like never before. I only made this far years ago, and that was not in hard mode.

I feel much better, not ashamed of myself or anything. And I don't mind other things, my number one priority is this,leaving porn for good. Later on I will need to rewire, maybe look for a partner, but in this point, nothing matters expect this.

But it is also a moment of intense internal growth, of profound insight and changing. Like you are meeting parts of you previously unknown.

I want more of this.


Active Member
Congratulations on your one month alain!

You?re doing great, I can see you are really determined. That?s really good, just look ahead and don?t ruminate and give triggers and fantasies space. You?ll make it I?m sure!