thessenchill
New Member
I am on Day 14 of my most recent attempt at overcoming what I feel is most responsible for an average and middling life so far. Have not every really communicated on an open forum in the past, but, today I feel like it is better to journal it out and let some thoughts go.
This latest attempt has started after realizing that the past 35 or so years of my life have been lived without fully commiting myself to anything and now its time I changed that. I have read extensively and clearly while I may not have a clear PMO addicition, I have been a user pretty much all my waking life as I remember it and am in a unique sort of bucket, having experienced all the different stages that have been extensively written about and described in all the current literature on PMO. Starting off with memories of looking at pictures in womens magazines, to adult magazines, late night cable, followed by the days of file sharing p2p, then on to websites and now to freely available video on the internet. An absolute classic case.
As I type this up, one of the most common triggers which is something that I probably have always been unable to fight/recognize is when I am left alone at home, starting with the times when I was a teen and my folks left me alone at home, to the days when I was in college as well as working and single and I had the home pretty much to myself to the most recent past 8-9 years since I got married and my wife leaves the house I am here alone. Right now I am fighting the very thing that I know can give a lot of physical pleasure but ends in nothingness.
It starts off with looking at harmless videos on youtube, into a spiral of explicit music videos and then on to different levels of P. I am determined to fight this time as I engage myself in activities that I enjoy, coding, meditation, music, exercise and my startup.
I will keep checking in as and when I feel this way, right now the urge is strong, but my mind is even stronger!!!
This latest attempt has started after realizing that the past 35 or so years of my life have been lived without fully commiting myself to anything and now its time I changed that. I have read extensively and clearly while I may not have a clear PMO addicition, I have been a user pretty much all my waking life as I remember it and am in a unique sort of bucket, having experienced all the different stages that have been extensively written about and described in all the current literature on PMO. Starting off with memories of looking at pictures in womens magazines, to adult magazines, late night cable, followed by the days of file sharing p2p, then on to websites and now to freely available video on the internet. An absolute classic case.
As I type this up, one of the most common triggers which is something that I probably have always been unable to fight/recognize is when I am left alone at home, starting with the times when I was a teen and my folks left me alone at home, to the days when I was in college as well as working and single and I had the home pretty much to myself to the most recent past 8-9 years since I got married and my wife leaves the house I am here alone. Right now I am fighting the very thing that I know can give a lot of physical pleasure but ends in nothingness.
It starts off with looking at harmless videos on youtube, into a spiral of explicit music videos and then on to different levels of P. I am determined to fight this time as I engage myself in activities that I enjoy, coding, meditation, music, exercise and my startup.
I will keep checking in as and when I feel this way, right now the urge is strong, but my mind is even stronger!!!