I know how this goes. It used to happen to me too. It's like while doing it I had this feeling like "I can handle it, man, this time I will handle the aftermath" and, of course, when the high is over, the misery takes over and I felt defeated and I realized right away that I could not handle it. When the dopamine gets wild, it has this ability to make us feel in the skies. But when we fall from the skies, it's painful, man.The worst part about all of it is that it did not feel wrong while happening but of course immediately after i felt shame and disgust.