FapsAreForLosers
Member
(Insert Painting - Removed)
Painting by FapsAreForLosers - 2021, Inspired by Vikings
Sexual Transmutation is re-directing the mind from thoughts of physical expression to thoughts of another creative effort.
In this Journal, I will write about my experiences as an addict, trying to focus but distracted by erotic thoughts and urges. I will write my steps and progress of battling this addiction and my art skill progress as my focus improves (I'm not a professional or expert artist).
Background
Painting by FapsAreForLosers - 2021, Inspired by Vikings
Sexual Transmutation is re-directing the mind from thoughts of physical expression to thoughts of another creative effort.
In this Journal, I will write about my experiences as an addict, trying to focus but distracted by erotic thoughts and urges. I will write my steps and progress of battling this addiction and my art skill progress as my focus improves (I'm not a professional or expert artist).
Background
- Started watching porn since age 10, It was introduced to me by my older cousins. Since then, I watch porn like once a month.
- At age, 13, I discovered masturbation and watched porn a lot, and did it once every night. And goes a lot worse as I get older. Porn and fapped averagely twice a day. I started to have a brain fog, I can't focus a lot, being distracted by erotic thoughts, absent minded, and super shy than before. I was always called stupid because of this, it almost became my nickname. Every time I relapse, I feel guilty and ashamed for what I've done. I can't look people's faces and always looking down because of these. I want to hide myself from anyone.
- At age, 15, I tried to abstain from this addiction but failed many times due to boredom, and solitude ( I live alone). I still experience a lot of brain fog and other bad effects of this addiction. I really feel bad about my self.
- At age 17, Still Continuing my battle and lessen watching and fapping. I usually relapse on day 14 - 30 and my confidence is slightly improved. I reached day 90+ twice and 110+ once, with these amount of days abstaining, I have a clear mind, better focus and my confidence peaked. I no longer shake or partly covering my face when I'm talking, had confident body language and conversation skills improved. I really feel like I'm on top of the world. I sometimes lead in group activity, share my ideas, nailing reports in front of many people and aced my programming subject. I've done a lot of things that I can't before.
- At age 18, Covid-19 impacts the world, and this quarantine became my downfall. PMO addiction got worse and became what I was like at age 13-16. I feel pathetic. I feel like I lost control over my life, feeling disconnected again from my friends, feeling depressed, unfocused, workout routine stopped, and failed 6 classes in university this year. Decided to Shift from BS in Computer Science To Fine Arts not because I failed, but I feel it's my calling. ( I really don't know what to take in college but I took BSCS since I got high grades from senior high and also it has a high salary and job security than my other-option degrees but I don't feel happy doing it anymore.)
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